Struggling with two young boys

[Lilly14]

My husband has moved out after continuing an affair with a woman for over a year. We have a 3 year old and a 11 month old. I was pregnant during the start of his affair and unfortunatly, this other woman recently gave birth to my husbands baby. It's just such a long, complicating story that will break your heart, but what I'm really looking for is some help, whether it be tips or Bible verses or something to help me concentrate on my children and try to be the best mother I can be while all this around me is happening. I really have become a single mom even though I am still married. I love my husband and I love my boys very much. I do have very amazing, strong support in my family as well as my husbands. I feel very lucky and blessed to have so many people. I'm just looking for other single moms out there who can offer something to me. I greatly appreciate it. God bless

 

[Chrysalis1977]

Hi, Lilly14,
I just want to start by saying I am sad you are going through this. Even though the circumstances of my separation are different, I am a recently single mom of a 2 1/2 year old. It can be pretty overwhelming, can't it? Take it day by day, allow others to help you when they can, and take time for you. Some days it is just about pushing through and making it through, and some days are better. I hope you can find joy in your two babies, and that will lead to finding joy in life.

 

[~Lynz~]

hey struggling with 2 young boys is me too.
i have a 4 yr old and 16 month old. ive been a single mum for 18 months now.
in the beginning it was hardest. with me still being pregnant (and ill but thats another story) during those times i wasnt sure how i would cope so what i did was pray and tell god "i cannot handle what is going on right now. i cant handle that hes left, i cant handle my son and i cant handle having a baby. i cant even handle having enough energy to get showered and dressed. so god im going to take care of breathing in and out. and please god take care of the rest because i cant."

now some may think thats complete crazy talk and easier said than done. but if u have true faith in god its the easiest thing in the world.

and well i had my youngest son and hes now 16 months and the cutest cheekiest boy ever.

as the above says take it one day at a time... but when its really tough just take an hour at a time.

you say you have family and suport. then use them. i have a system with my sons gran (there dad dont see them) she would take them one day every week. so ever monday she would take them and i would be "free" for a while. to go shopping or just sit in peace spend time with grown ups or more recently date.
you need time for you too keep you sane.

i feel like ive been going on but single mums are very close to my heart and I hope that a part of what ive wrote will be of help. if not i shall try again.

and the fact that your asking means your an amazing mum.

 

[TamberlyAna]

Just wanted you to know that I feel your pain. Although my situation is quite a bit different, it was indeed very painful. Like you, though, I have a very strong support system in my family and friends and I truly dont know where I would be without them. Read Jeremiah 29:11. No matter what happens in our lives, God is holding us in the palm of His hand. I have held on to that scripture through many trials. God bless!!

 

[MrsJohnDay]

You need to read the Bible passages about being a wife. You can get him back. I read your story. It is hard and will take work but you can do it.

 

[citizenthom]

Well, here's some advice I have never actually given on here: get a divorce. You have Biblical grounds for doing so (adultery), your husband has moved out and is living with another woman, and you need to legally secure your right to child support so you can materially care for your children. Even with the few facts you have given us it does not look like your husband is the least bit amenable to reconciliation; if he is down the road, that's fine, but in the here and now, divorce is both justifiable and materially necessary for you to take care of your children.

And lest you think I give such advice lightly, you can see my other posts: I am a strong opponent of divorce in nearly all circumstances. But this is one where it simply has to be considered and is most likely the wisest option. Your husband has already divorced you spiritually and physically; all that remains is the legal side.

 

[MrsJohnDay]

Oh no! She should not divorce! She took vows and she must see them through. She just has gone about the situation very wrong. She is trying to get her husband to leave the woman. Everybody tries that. It won't work as long as he loves her. He will always go back to her. She needs to get the woman to leave her husband. Mr. Day had an affair and said he was going to leave. I tried to make him give up the other woman and he tried but never did. He always went back to her. Another smart lady who'd been in my situation was the one who let me in on that secret to getting him back. It worked. You just have to keep working at your marriage by getting the other woman to go away and you will get him back.

 

[Mayzoo]

Oh no! She should not divorce! She took vows and she must see them through. She just has gone about the situation very wrong. She is trying to get her husband to leave the woman. Everybody tries that. It won't work as long as he loves her. He will always go back to her. She needs to get the woman to leave her husband. Mr. Day had an affair and said he was going to leave. I tried to make him give up the other woman and he tried but never did. He always went back to her. Another smart lady who'd been in my situation was the one who let me in on that secret to getting him back. It worked. You just have to keep working at your marriage by getting the other woman to go away and you will get him back.

How can you tell her she has gone about the situation all wrong? The only indicator she has given of the current situation is she loves him and he has moved out. She never states anything about how she is coping with hubby leaving....she never says she is divorcing nor does she state she is trying to get hubby back. She left all other current info about hubby and her out. BTW, not all women try to get their husbands back. I know a few that feel if their husbands are actively committing adultery and want to be with the other woman, then by all means go to that woman. Not that some will not consider reconciliation later, but if hubby wants to be somewhere else then these few wives I know accept they cannot stop them.

You just have to keep working at your marriage by getting the other woman to go away and you will get him back.

This advice means that since no change in hubby's attitude transpires that when another agreeable woman comes along he will likely commit adultery again. IMO the change needs to come from within the adulterous spouse, not external people since they are interchangeable and another will always come along.

 

[MrsJohnDay]

She called him her husband not an exhusband which means they are still married and she said they were still married. she said that it was unfortunate that her husband had a baby with the other lady which means that she thinks the baby being born is bad. I read another message she wrote where she said she wanted him back. She was wrong to make him choose between her and the lady. When he had the affiar he already made the decision for the other woman over her before she even asked. She was happy he decided to come back then but now he is gone and with the other woman and has a baby so it was not what was going to fix anything. She can still get him back. she has to make the other lady go away. It is not hard. My husband had an affair and I tried to make him come back but what brought him back was making the other lady go away. He did what her hsbband did and went to be with her but then came back to be with me and our children but then he left again because he wasn't happy and missed her. I sent her a letter telling her what happened while he was with me again and had left her. She got very jeaoous and angry when I told her that we made love held hands and told me he loved me. I told her we went on trips with the family and didn't even think of her or talk about her and he was happy. She was very angry and sad. I got a cell phone and sent her messages like today 12 years ago he proposed and we made love and 2 yeasr ago were trying to have a baby. Cell phones are better than letters because she can't ignore them or rip them up and throw them away. After not to long of a time she got upset and left my husband and he came home. I still sent her messages to tell her what we were doing to make sure she wouldnt' come back. I think she changed her number and email after awhile. To make him stay I made plans every day so that he had to go and do them. It was hard but it kept him busy and there was no time to do anything but the things I set up for us and when he didn't want to do them I got very upset so he did them when he didn't want to. She has to do this too. Things weren't easy yet because he was very sad for a very long time. It took a couple of years before he started to get better. I know he still looks for her but doesnt tell me and thinks about her and would probably go back to her if he could but she is gone and I have the rest of our live stogether to make him love me. They have a baby together that makes it harder but not really. That baby is her step child so she has to ask to see the baby and be with it and have it come over to play with her children. When he comes home she will be a mother to that baby. I think her children should see the baby so if the kids had friends wouldn't she want the friends to come over? That's why she shoiuld tell her husband to have the baby play at her house and maybe he will stay with the baby and the lady will be left out. That's what you have to do is make the other lady left out. I called my husband every day to talk to him about the children and I did it when they would have been having time together. If he didn't answer the phone I said he was making our son and daughter sad because they wanted to talk to him so he would always answer. She got left out so I could talk to him. Lilly has to be the other woman in their relationship like that lady was in her marriage and she will get sad or mad and leave. When she does he will come home and she has to keep him home and busy when he's not working. He can't see the other lady at all. If he wants to see the baby the baby has to be with her and kids because that is her stepbaby and the other lady has to be left out. Her step baby has to know about what it looks like to have a mommy and a daddy and not just a mommy. Maybe they should go to the court to take the baby away I don't know but she needs to get that baby so that he has no reason to go be with the other lady.

 

[FaithPrevails]

The OP is almost a year old and the member hasn't logged in for about a month now.

 

[MrsJohnDay]

I did not see this. I am hoping she has fixed this problem so she does not need to come back so often.