Struggling with this odd situation.

[com7fy8]

A prostitute would be a waste of your time and money which you need to invest in really getting to know your wife.

And I will offer > loving is much more satisfying, than any physical pleasure.

 

[Jo555]

I can't speak from a woman's point-of-view, but sometimes the spouse's personality ruins the bed for them. My advice to you is to not push the issue, suffer for the Lord's sake if that is your lot, and try to stay pure. My guess is, frankly, that she expected something from you, or for you to become something you are not. Not saying it is your fault —it's like the saying goes, "He marries her, hoping she won't change. She marries him expecting he will change. She does, he doesn't."

My advice is to pour your passions out before the Lord. Pursue the Bible itself, hours at a time, if possible, for wisdom. And don't expect any relief, and you may just get it, eventually. When God gives you the desires of your heart, they can be far beyond what you had prayed for (and different!), but you may have to go through a lot of pain and correction to get there. This life, your problems, are not about you, but about Christ.

I also had a similar thought. Maybe not exactly, but while working through this situation seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you

I'm not a guy and I've often said if i had a blankety blank for one day then maybe I'd get it, but i do know that obsessing on the issue won't help. We can work on it while getting our focus on the more important matters in life.

Not always easy so prayers are also important. And not saying you are obsessing, but sometimes it can progress to that.

 

[doughtz]

I'm surprised this hasn't been said yet, but have you considered she is cheating on you? I've known many family members and friends of friends where the reason for a complete stop of physical intimacy is because of that.

I'm not saying that is what is happening, but if I were you, I would at least look into it.

 

[Jo555]

I'm surprised this hasn't been said yet, but have you considered she is cheating on you? I've known many family members and friends of friends where the reason for a complete stop of physical intimacy is because of that.

I'm not saying that is what is happening, but if I were you, I would at least look into it.

Ouch. You see now. That is a Martian for ya, cut to the chase and let it ride.

Guess i truly am a Venetian at heart, even if a fiercely independent one.

Didn't even cross my mind as thought culturally that would be frowned on, but I would have thought that husband's going after prostitutes would be a no no too.

Question wasn't even directed at me so maybe I'll visit Saturn next.

Don't shoot me to Pluto. Just being a typical Venetian and trying to soften the mood.

 

[Jo555]

I've landed back on Mars and going to try the more direct approach with what has been sitting on my heart

It appears pretty selfish of her, unless she is clueless as to how important this aspect is for men, and it's a twisted way of acting unselfish, recommending a prostitute, but as you said, cultural norms vary so it's hard to really say.

Cultural norms aside, she needs to find a way to meet you halfway with respect to your religious beliefs. Marriage means me and you are now we, and if one doesn't like that, stay single.

But you can let it make you bitter, or better. Sounds so cliche, but it's true.

Have you tried just sitting her down and just having an open and honest conversation about HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER, start there please, and it's important you express that love to her in that way, thus fulfilling yourself as that is how men are wired. Then ask her what you can do to help her get in the mood.

Only thing i have left to say as a woman is that sometimes a woman can feel hurt about something or feel unloved for whatever reason and that can really kill the mood. You can dress as cute as you want, or undress for that matter, and nothing. We are not wired the same. Have a heart-to-heart, and a counselor sounds good, but try the books i recommended too as they are really helpful. If i recall i found Men are from mars, woman from venus a little technical, but mars and venus on a date was really good and for married couples too. Then there is the five languages of love.

Ok, back to Venus as that all i have left to say. Going to leave it to the Martians now.

May the Lord help you navigate through this bump in the road in Jesus name

Over and Out

 

[Jo555]

Every man will now be moving to Japan, LOL.

Didn't realize they were so liberal there, but appears they don't view sex the same way.

And it's also probably not very beneficial to bring Christianity in the conversation in regards to morals since she isn't one, but if she loves you she should care about that for your sake. She may be thinking the same ... If he loves me, but she needs to be willing to give in too. But you want to make it good for her too, not something she has to bear through, which appears you are trying to do so i salute you.

As others have also said, may be biological too, then there is the other thing, dare i say

What am I doing here again?

 

[bèlla]

Perhaps there is a translation problem here. She could be saying it is ok to have an affair or another women on the side. In some cases the other women actually saves a marriage.

• Extramarital affairs
  According to an Ashley Maddison survey, 84% of women and 61% of men in Japan say that extramarital affairs were beneficial to marriage.

Thank you for sharing this. I wasn't aware of that. But it reinforces something I said long ago about interracial dating and the necessity of understanding the culture beforehand. Years ago people didn't leap as quickly without doing their homework. They understood they were combining two philosophies and there could be problems. So they faced them head on before they tied the knot to the best of their ability.

We have a habit in this country of assuming everyone is americanized including foreigners and we discover our mistake unexpectedly. There's a lot of stereotypes too that have proven false after the vow. You can't dismiss cultural differences or believe everyone lives like you.

~bella

 

[Diamond72]

They understood they were combining two philosophies

I have a wife from the Philippines. So we are not ONLY combining two cultures into one. We also have a marriage of rich and poor. You do not have that in a Japan American marriage because Japan is a rich nation. My sister in law did marry a man with some Japanese in him. It is interesting when you can see some of that in the kids. One is a registered nurse and the other is an engineer. Children turn out very nice because you eliminate a lot of inbreeding. It is good when the mother devotes herself to her children because then they will take care of her when the time comes.

 

[bèlla]

I have a wife from the Philippines. So we are not ONLY combining two cultures into one. We also have a marriage of rich and poor. You do not have that in a Japan American marriage because Japan is a rich nation.

Was it challenging for you or her?

~bella

 

[Mark Quayle]

I've landed back on Mars and going to try the more direct approach with what has been sitting on my heart

It appears pretty selfish of her, unless she is clueless as to how important this aspect is for men, and it's a twisted way of acting unselfish, recommending a prostitute, but as you said, cultural norms vary so it's hard to really say.

Cultural norms aside, she needs to find a way to meet you halfway with respect to your religious beliefs. Marriage means me and you are now we, and if one doesn't like that, stay single.

But you can let it make you bitter, or better. Sounds so cliche, but it's true.

Have you tried just sitting her down and just having an open and honest conversation about HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER, start there please, and it's important you express that love to her in that way, thus fulfilling yourself as that is how men are wired. Then ask her what you can do to help her get in the mood.

Only thing i have left to say as a woman is that sometimes a woman can feel hurt about something or feel unloved for whatever reason and that can really kill the mood. You can dress as cute as you want, or undress for that matter, and nothing. We are not wired the same. Have a heart-to-heart, and a counselor sounds good, but try the books i recommended too as they are really helpful. If i recall i found Men are from mars, woman from venus a little technical, but mars and venus on a date was really good and for married couples too. Then there is the five languages of love.

Ok, back to Venus as that all i have left to say. Going to leave it to the Martians now.

May the Lord help you navigate through this bump in the road in Jesus name

Over and Out

@Heart_Like_A_Wheel , I recommend tempering that post with a thought, though what I'm saying here may not apply to your wife's point of view. Being on the other end of a similar situation, I can tell you, when counselors, books, methods and go-rounds are tried, they ALL come across to me as artificial, and not what I needed. The more my wife expected me to do the right thing in response to this attempt or that, on her part and by her effort, the more she made every other woman look attractive. —Just saying.

But again, I'm not saying that your wife is like me in that. I don't know. Just another consideration to throw into the mix. I can't help but wonder if there is something about you or your personality that she can't stomach.

 

[Diamond72]

Was it challenging for you or her?

This was why I got a girl who was working in Hong Kong because she had already adjusted to being separated from her country and family for 9 years. It was difficult at first because she was alone. But then over time we would meet people and begin to build a community for ourselves. She likes to try to put a show on for people to make things look better than they are but at least she has a good positive attitude.

 

[Jo555]

The thing is none of us knows. We can only give you some ideas and suggestions as to what is going on

As much as we may care about your situation, God loves and cares for you more than any of us and knows exactly what is going on.

So you can take the suggestions to consider with the Lord. You can read the wisdom others have gain in regards to general differences in the sexes, but God really knows and wants to help you in this situation. Ensure you are sharing it with Him because He loves when we share our lives with him and wants to help you.

I will say from personal experience that sometimes God will begin that process by showing us things that need improving on our part, even if it is just sharing things like hindrances to seeing and hearing Him and others.

So you can take our advice, or not, but while going that route don't forget to invite Him into the heart of your marriage and look to Him foremost. Doesn't have to be one or the other, but in priorities. Always God first.

In another galaxy now ... , and it's far out!

God bless.

 

[Palmfever]

No hookers.
It in my opinion however, may be indicative that her professed love is not entirely true.

You may not wish to press her on this and that is understandable. You have love and respect for her. She is the mother of your children. It is easy for those who have not dealt with this to give advice.

You can not commit adultry this is a given.

This is why Paul wrote in 1 Cor 7:4
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

That being said, it is easier to say than implement. And she is not a christian. Not that it would solve this matter.

I may catch a little flak for this, meh.
As I stated, you may love and respect her, she on the other hand does not you.

It is easy for a woman to please a man and men a woman without taking pleasure themselves other than the knowledge that it pleasures and serves as a release for their loved one.
Again these are just words.
You must decide. I experienced the same with my ex.
She's my ex.
You will get plenty advice here, but we are all wired differently as far as sex drive.
Stay honorable, and keep the faith.

Remain loving and close. Her desire may reignite.
As some have suggested, therapy.
Sorry friend, sex can be one of the most difficult drives to curtail.

Do not drift away. Life is but a vapor.