I have been struggling for such a long time with my christian walk. I believe that Jesus is my savior and believe it with all of my heart, but I seem to fail over and over again. Making a very long story short, I am divorced and have been for a year and a half now and started dating someone before my divorce was final. Though I was going through a divorce, I knew I shouldn't have been dating until it was final, but I did. My divorce was so hard for me and I went through a very hard time in my life. I hit rock bottom and I turned back to God to lift me up. My faith in Jesus has gotten me through it and my faith seems to be growing stronger and stronger. I'm still dating the guy that I was dating when I was going through my divorce and I have introuduced him to the chrisitan faith. He really loves going to church with me and is very interested in the christian faith. He didn't grow up in church and it's all new to him, but he really like it. I do feel like I have a much deeper understanding in what it means to be a christian and am in a place where I need more, and need christian influence around me. I feel like a hyprocrite because I want so bad to be a good christian, but at the same time don't have the strength to stop having premartial sex. My boyfriend and I are sleeping together, and the overwhelming feeling of guilt that I have burdens my mind all of the time. Though he goes to church with me and his trying to grow in his faith, I don't think he feels the same in regards to sex being a sin. I don't even know how he would handle me bringing it up about us not having sex anymore until we get married. I honestly would be so scared that if we did, that he would end up cheating on me. I don't know this, but it is my fear and my insecurity. He's told me before that men have to touch every day, that's its just a part of a man being a man, and I know he looks at porn to do so. In hearing these things from him and with seeing how much he desires it in our relationship, I'm just not sure how he would handle me telling him we can't have sex anymore. He says I have changed his life and have introduced him to things he never knew (religion), and I have made him want to be a better person. He tells me how much he loves me, but I'm not sure how he would handle me proposing not sleeping together until we were married and if he would be happy with it. I have a hard time trusting anyways, it seems noone in this world anymore knows how to be faithful. I think this would make it harder for me to trust that he's being faithful to me if we do stop. I want so bad to be obedient to God and want to be a good chrisitian person, but I don't feel like I'm strong enough to fight against this sin with it being right there in front of me. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster and feel like I'm letting God down with this behavior. I desire and thirst for God everyday and listen to sermons all day long thirsting for knowledge, but then I go and sleep with my boyfriend and feel like such a hypocrite. I need some help and need some advice from some chrisitan friends. I just can't seem to find that peace and contemptment I so desperately need. I just wish God would tell me what I should do...
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Struggling with sin as a new christian
- Thread starter mrrawes2833
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You are compartmentalizing Christianity. On Sunday you go to church, worship, fellowship with God, and may be totally sincere about it. But then the rest of the week you just go back to doing what you normally do. You can't truly live as a Christian this way. You can't just go to church on sunday to feel like you're doing that thing Christians do.
If you truly believe God sent His Son to die for you on the Cross. Took away ALL of your sins upon Himself, even though God Himself is repulsed by sinned, took it upon Himself, and died for the things you (and me) did.
It comes down to a question of do you really believe what God did for you, and how much are you willing to show you are thankful for that? If someone is willing to continue in their life with sin, then they are basically saying "God, I know what you did was okay, but I still want to do the things you said not to because it gives me temporary pleasure". Everytime you choose to have premarital sex you are saying that what God did for you was great and all, but you'd rather have it your way than His.
James 4:4-5 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”?
What this verse is basically saying is that by choosing to do what you want, or the world wants over God and His word is basically an insult to God. You are saying that even though God paid for your sins, you are going to continue to do it anyway, because it's something you want.
It's a selfish way of thinking, and we all do it. I know I have struggled with it for a long time. I think every one does. We have to come to the realization of just how big of a deal it was for Jesus to die on the cross for us. How much it cost Him. How much God hates sin. When you come to that realization, the price you pay for not for not commiting the sin is much less than the price you pay by choosing to go through with it. We should choose not to commit the sin because we are grateful to God, and want to show that by doing His will.
We all make mistakes. I've made a lot of them. One of the mistakes you've made is using this new guy as a rebound for your last relationship. If you are serious about being a Christian (not just on Sunday) then you need to break off this relationship or at least stop sleeping together. Now, tonight because you love God and you want to show gratefulness for what He did for you on the cross. Not tommorow, not next week when you feel you have time. Now. You're going to feel lonely, and you're going to feel alone probably. But God will be there. God wants you to turn towards Him for that feeling of acceptance, of love not towards another man.
He's told me before that men have to touch every day, that's its just a part of a man being a man Absolutely, 100% WRONG That is an excuse and that is something the world has told him.
If He is indeed a Christian, or is willing to make a step to become one. Then He will accept your decision to break this off. If he is not willing, then I'm pretty sure He was just using "church" as a way of getting to you in the first place. I'm guessing it was that one, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
If someone does not respect your wishes that you do not wish to have premarital sex anymore then they do NOT love you. Love is about respecting the other person, treating them as a person, loving them for who they are. Not just because you are having sex with them.
My advice, though probably not what you're going to like, is to break it off with him immediately. Continue working towards building a relationship with God and repairing the damage that has been done. Once that has been accomplished, then you can see about getting into a relationship which God has planned for you. And those are the best kind.
I realize I may be coming across a bit harsh so I do want to be encouraging. God can work through all things. Even our mistakes. He can work miracles through the mistakes we've made. But you do need to take that step, to trust God, to give yourself completely to God. Every day of the week. All of you. Not just on Sunday. It's a long on going process though and it won't be easy. I would urge you to get involved in Church, and with other Christians. Or even on these boards you can find some helpful information.
And if I came across to harshly forgive me, but I think we as Christians (including me) often forget the real price Jesus paid on the Cross. And by choosing to live in sin we are basically insulting God's gift to us.
If you truly believe God sent His Son to die for you on the Cross. Took away ALL of your sins upon Himself, even though God Himself is repulsed by sinned, took it upon Himself, and died for the things you (and me) did.
It comes down to a question of do you really believe what God did for you, and how much are you willing to show you are thankful for that? If someone is willing to continue in their life with sin, then they are basically saying "God, I know what you did was okay, but I still want to do the things you said not to because it gives me temporary pleasure". Everytime you choose to have premarital sex you are saying that what God did for you was great and all, but you'd rather have it your way than His.
James 4:4-5 You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think that the Scripture speaks to no purpose: “He jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us”?
What this verse is basically saying is that by choosing to do what you want, or the world wants over God and His word is basically an insult to God. You are saying that even though God paid for your sins, you are going to continue to do it anyway, because it's something you want.
It's a selfish way of thinking, and we all do it. I know I have struggled with it for a long time. I think every one does. We have to come to the realization of just how big of a deal it was for Jesus to die on the cross for us. How much it cost Him. How much God hates sin. When you come to that realization, the price you pay for not for not commiting the sin is much less than the price you pay by choosing to go through with it. We should choose not to commit the sin because we are grateful to God, and want to show that by doing His will.
We all make mistakes. I've made a lot of them. One of the mistakes you've made is using this new guy as a rebound for your last relationship. If you are serious about being a Christian (not just on Sunday) then you need to break off this relationship or at least stop sleeping together. Now, tonight because you love God and you want to show gratefulness for what He did for you on the cross. Not tommorow, not next week when you feel you have time. Now. You're going to feel lonely, and you're going to feel alone probably. But God will be there. God wants you to turn towards Him for that feeling of acceptance, of love not towards another man.
He's told me before that men have to touch every day, that's its just a part of a man being a man Absolutely, 100% WRONG That is an excuse and that is something the world has told him.
If He is indeed a Christian, or is willing to make a step to become one. Then He will accept your decision to break this off. If he is not willing, then I'm pretty sure He was just using "church" as a way of getting to you in the first place. I'm guessing it was that one, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
If someone does not respect your wishes that you do not wish to have premarital sex anymore then they do NOT love you. Love is about respecting the other person, treating them as a person, loving them for who they are. Not just because you are having sex with them.
My advice, though probably not what you're going to like, is to break it off with him immediately. Continue working towards building a relationship with God and repairing the damage that has been done. Once that has been accomplished, then you can see about getting into a relationship which God has planned for you. And those are the best kind.
I realize I may be coming across a bit harsh so I do want to be encouraging. God can work through all things. Even our mistakes. He can work miracles through the mistakes we've made. But you do need to take that step, to trust God, to give yourself completely to God. Every day of the week. All of you. Not just on Sunday. It's a long on going process though and it won't be easy. I would urge you to get involved in Church, and with other Christians. Or even on these boards you can find some helpful information.
And if I came across to harshly forgive me, but I think we as Christians (including me) often forget the real price Jesus paid on the Cross. And by choosing to live in sin we are basically insulting God's gift to us.
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Bible2
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When God does tell us what we should do, we need to be careful not to reject the message (e.g., see Jeremiah 42:3 to 43:7).
If your first marriage was valid, even if you get married to your new boyfriend, you will still be living in sin, the sin of 2nd-marriage adultery. For God's own Word the Bible tells us that if a wife divorces a valid husband & marries another man, she's committing adultery (Mk. 10:12), just as if a husband divorces a valid wife & marries another woman, he's committing adultery (Mk. 10:11).
The exception for fornication (as distinguished from adultery) in Mt. 19:9 permits a husband to divorce a valid wife for pre-marital sex & marry another woman without his committing adultery. But this applies only to cases where a husband doesn't discover until after he's married that his newlywed wife isn't a virgin (cf. Deut. 22:14, Mt. 1:19). There's no such pre-marital sex exception granted to a wife. Also, there's no pre-marital sex exception granted to a man who marries a divorced woman. If a man marries a woman divorced from a valid husband for any reason, he's committing adultery (Lk. 16:18b).
A husband isn't to divorce his wife (1 Cor. 7:11b), just as a wife isn't to divorce her husband (1 Cor. 7:10). If a wife does divorce her husband, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (1 Cor. 7:11). A Christian must always completely forgive everyone who's wronged him or her in any way (Mk. 11:25), no matter how great the wrong & no matter how many times a wrong has been committed (Mt. 18:21-35). For if a Christian refuses to forgive anyone for anything, God will refuse to forgive that Christian for his or her own sins (Mk. 11:26).
The only unforgivable sin is blaspheming the Holy Spirit (Mk. 3:28-29), such as by ascribing a work of the Holy Spirit to Satan (Mk. 3:22-30). Any other sin can be forgiven if it's repented from & confessed to God (1 Jn. 1:9). Just as if Christians find themselves living in the sin of an adulterous affair, they can't continue in that sin, so if they find themselves living in the sin of 2nd-marriage adultery (Mk. 10:12, Mt. 19:9), they can't continue in that sin (or any other sin) and expect God's grace to forgive them (Heb. 10:26-29, Gal. 5:19-21, 1 Cor. 6:9-10). They must break off with the 2nd, invalid spouse, even if they've had children with the 2nd spouse, just as married people must break off an adulterous affair, even if they've had children as a result of that affair.
After breaking off an adulterous 2nd marriage, a wife must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her first husband (1 Cor. 7:11). She can't marry someone else, even if, e.g., that would help her & her children to escape poverty. For just as escaping poverty wouldn't justify the wife continuing in the sin of an adulterous affair with a man who financially supports her & her children (or wouldn't justify the sin of her becoming & remaining a well-paid prostitute), so escaping poverty wouldn't justify the sin of her entering into another case of 2nd-marriage adultery (Mk. 10:12) with a man who financially supports her & her children.
Part of loving others is warning them if they're living in sin (Rev. 3:19, 2 Thes. 3:15, Heb. 3:13, Jas. 5:19-20). The worst thing a Christian can do is coddle people who are living in sin, instead of sharing with them the hard truths of God's Word (2 Tim. 4:2-4, cf. Jer. 23:14,22,29). Telling the truth to people can sometimes hurt them, but that's better than deceiving them with something that makes them feel good (Prov. 27:6, 28:23). The reason 2nd-marriage adultery (or any other sin) is so common in the church today is because so much of the church has stopped preaching & believing the hard truths of God's Word (2 Tim. 4:2-4, cf. Jer. 23:14,22,29).
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WithLoveFromAlyssa
Love makes a choice, it has a voice...
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The masterbating Part is 100% False, My ex didn't do it and he's a Christian, he's waiting till marriage to "experience that".
If the faith REALLY means something to him, he would understand. Talk to Him ASAP. And tell him its wrong.
If he cheats on you, he's not worth it. If he understands, pray about this relationship, It may just flourish.
Make sure he's GENUINELY a Christian.
View these articles:
What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?
What does the Bible say about sex before marriage?
What does it mean to be unequally yoked?
What are valid reasons for breaking up with a boyfriend/girlfriend?
What should I be looking for in a husband?
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I appreciate all of the feedback and advice with my situation. In response to Bible2 and that getting married again after a divorce is a sin and that I should stay unmarried or reconcile with my ex. I can assure you that I had valid reason for my divorce. Had I planned for it, no. Did I want it, No. But it happened, it was hard, but through my faith in God and through prayer I realize it was the right thing. God forgives us for our sins, and I do believe God will bless second marriages for those that are faithful. I agree 100% with the other responses and I thank each and every one of you for being honest with me. First of all, I want to touch on my original post. After re-reading it, I realize that I may have been unfair in saying what I did about him, assuming he would not be accepting of my request. That was wrong of me for not giving him that credit without first addressing it with him. As a matter of fact, he would probably be very upset with me knowing that I'm feeling this way and not talking to him. He truly is not a bad guy, and has been very interested in learning about christianity on his own. He is like many and was raised with no religious background, with thinking like most of the world does, and just hasn't learned what is right and wrong and what truly is to be sacrificied in order to be right with God. He also hasn't learned the rewards that come from that sacrifice and just exactly what God can do with his life if he's obedient. What many of you said just reinforced what I already knew in my mind. I am going to talk to him and tell him I want to stop. God is more important than him and I need to start putting God first. If he truly loves me, he will honor it. If he doesn't, then God has other plans for me.
I have seen God work in my life, especially since I've been going through this divorce. Things have happened to me that can only come from "God". But I do believe until I sacrifice and stop sinning in this way, I won't be able to see God's real power in my life. Please pray for me to give me the strength and the right words to say to him. I've learned through experience, the best way to witness to other people is to set an example and to let others see Christ in your life. Who knows, in doing this and through my example in doing this...it could bring him closer to Christ. I love each and every one of you for being "HONEST" with me. Though I knew the truth in my heart, your advice helped me to realize just how much I'm not putting God where he should be in my life, which is FIRST. Thank you.
I have seen God work in my life, especially since I've been going through this divorce. Things have happened to me that can only come from "God". But I do believe until I sacrifice and stop sinning in this way, I won't be able to see God's real power in my life. Please pray for me to give me the strength and the right words to say to him. I've learned through experience, the best way to witness to other people is to set an example and to let others see Christ in your life. Who knows, in doing this and through my example in doing this...it could bring him closer to Christ. I love each and every one of you for being "HONEST" with me. Though I knew the truth in my heart, your advice helped me to realize just how much I'm not putting God where he should be in my life, which is FIRST. Thank you.
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It won't be easy. It will be hard. But I think you'll find it to be a good decision and that you will eventually find more peace in your life because of it.
I wish you well, will be praying for you.
I wish you well, will be praying for you.
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Peripatetic
Restless mind, peaceful soul.
Sexual struggles are difficult for many Christians... you are not alone! Please remember that God loves you, and knows the motivations of your heart. He is patient, and will not abandon you.
He also wants each of us to be closer to Him, so we have to consider any aspects of our life that pull us away. You may need to make some changes, but it's OK to take it one day at a time and seek His help through prayer and Bible reading.
He also wants each of us to be closer to Him, so we have to consider any aspects of our life that pull us away. You may need to make some changes, but it's OK to take it one day at a time and seek His help through prayer and Bible reading.
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chilehed
Veteran
My dear sister,
What I'm going to say may sound harsh, and it will be hard to do. But it's the truth.
He's telling you that men have to touch every day, and he's looking at porn? That's a load of crap.
You were in the middle of a divorce, raw emotionally, and he was willing to date you without giving you time to heal? To take advantage of you like that? That's a load of crap,too.
He's the kind of guy who makes his girl apprehensive about how he'll handle it if she decides to keep herself pure?
You deserve to have a man who'll stay clear of you when you're not able to stay clear yourself, who'll allow you the time that you need to heal even if it means he can't have you at all, who won't dishonor you by looking at porn, who won't treat you as an object by thinking about you (or anyone else) while jerking off, who'll steer you toward the company of Godly women and away from creeps who circle around wounded souls.
Tell him that you need to back away, that you're too raw for physical intimacy, that you need to stop, you have no idea how long it'll take to heal, and it means not seeing him for an indefinite period of time. If he honors that, good for him - maybe he's worthy when the time comes. If not, he's a creep - dump him permanently.
What I'm going to say may sound harsh, and it will be hard to do. But it's the truth.
He's telling you that men have to touch every day, and he's looking at porn? That's a load of crap.
You were in the middle of a divorce, raw emotionally, and he was willing to date you without giving you time to heal? To take advantage of you like that? That's a load of crap,too.
He's the kind of guy who makes his girl apprehensive about how he'll handle it if she decides to keep herself pure?
You deserve to have a man who'll stay clear of you when you're not able to stay clear yourself, who'll allow you the time that you need to heal even if it means he can't have you at all, who won't dishonor you by looking at porn, who won't treat you as an object by thinking about you (or anyone else) while jerking off, who'll steer you toward the company of Godly women and away from creeps who circle around wounded souls.
Tell him that you need to back away, that you're too raw for physical intimacy, that you need to stop, you have no idea how long it'll take to heal, and it means not seeing him for an indefinite period of time. If he honors that, good for him - maybe he's worthy when the time comes. If not, he's a creep - dump him permanently.
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The simple way to overcome the flesh is to make the Lord Jesus your best Friend and center of your life (see 2 Cor. 10:5). One will then not want to offend or displease Him, and will confess every failure to Him, ask forgiveness, and seek always to honor Him in all that one says and does. This speaks of a personal relationship ---not just a belief.
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