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Struggling with scrupulosity

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romansroad

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Hello brothers and sisters. I have followed Christ for many years I have struggled with OCD since I was a young teen. At first it was having to say things a certain amount of times for it to feel right. That abated and it did not rear its ugly head it I was 35. Sitt at home with my wife, all of a sudden, I started having blasph thoughts about the Holy Spirit. It scared me to death. We didny know what was going on and didn’t go to the hospital For an evaluation. After about a yea, I agreed to go into an inpatient psychiatric hospital. at that point, they didn’t really know what was going on and treated me for simple anxiety. The medication helped and was able come off a lot of it after a while. At the beginning of this year it returned exce on steroids this time. I have never had these kinds of thoughts in my entire life. Along with it was an urge or an anger or hate towards God. I don’t understand any of this even though I have known about scrupulosity for a while now. I don’t want these thoughts and feelings but at times it feels as if I am an apostate or have committed the unpardonable sin. I feel lost, God doesn’t talk to me anymore. I can’t read the Bible without having the worst thought. I am on prozac an one other medication. It slows the thoughts do but it makes you not care about anything. I feel like someone has switched my brain with an unbeliever . I feel hopeless. It’s been 11 months and my faith is waning. The thoughts may have slowed but these urges are just not going away. I know John Bunyan had issues like this. I know that scrupulosity can flip your beliefs and make you question everything I am in counseling but they are having me try to do things that are scary. Only God knows about my soul but I want God to heal me and restore my soul. I believe in miracles as I have witnessed them before. I grew up in a very strict denomination which really was more about works than faith. Couple that with a an austere father I really hated as a teenager. i feel I have viewed God like my earthly father and tried to perform to get his approval through good grades and athletic performance. I refuse to give up though. I covet your prayers.
 
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Mari17

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Thank you for sharing! I have scrupulosity as well. Fear of blasphemy is a very common obsession for Christians with religious OCD. I have found the blog articles at Scrupulosity.com to be very helpful. There are articles about committing the unpardonable sin on there, so you might find that useful. I am also part of the group coaching program on that website, and have found that to be helpful and encouraging as well.
 
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romansroad

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I have been on there. I am going to check the group coaching out today.
 
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RamiC

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romansroad said:
I don’t want these thoughts and feelings but at times it feels as if I am an apostate or have committed the unpardonable sin.
Click to expand...
Different Christian traditions have varied opinions on the unpardonable sin, but I am entirely convinced that no one who cares whether or not they have commited it needs to worry. If you are bothered about the possibility that you have commited it, you have not. I quote an article about it below, but please skip the link if it might aggravate your stress to look at it. The article is long, and thorough, so if that might help anyone around here to take a look, that is why it is up. No obligation.

For no one who has fixedly refused the work of the Holy Spirit would be worried that he or she might have offended the Holy Spirit. The very fact that a person would be concerned about his or her relationship with Jesus is evidence that he or she isn’t hardened against the Holy Spirit!
What Is the Unpardonable Sin? | Christian Research Institute

romansroad said:
I feel lost, God doesn’t talk to me anymore.
Click to expand...
I know this one, not from OCD, but PTSD, and loved ones PTSD. Jesus does still know you are there, He does love you, that is a fact of life in this universe. You do not have to feel like He loves you, or be calm all the time, or brimming with joy about the fact that He loves you, in order to be saved. Saved is a status, not a feeling.

I hope you are lead by the Lord to a more comfortable place for your mind.
 
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