Struggling with homosexuality

Hi Im' 29 years old and am living in Asia. I'm struggling like mad with homosexuality too. Loneliness doesn't help. I feel unproductive and the only thing I wanna do is watch porn/touch/be intimate with a man.

I need support. If anyone can be there for me especially through chats on msn (especially during the night time in Asia), please PM me. we can exchange contacts and be accountable for each other.

I wanna move on, to overcome fear of commitment, and get married and start a family. I realize it's not a cure to homosexuality, but it is a godly provision for those of us who are can't control our passions.

It's encouraging to see the responses here. God be praised. Thanks loads guys

thank God for this post.

I just joined to get some support in my homosexual struggles. Need accountability too, just to talk when the moment gets really tough. Please contact me those who are interested.

God's Word be our strength. Thank God for Jesus. Through His death we who deserve death have life and are called sons. Let's encourage each other to live a holy life in response to that great work Jesus has accomplished for us, despite our feelings. *sigh in pain and in hope*

I read the entire post, and it brought tears to my ears. All of you are beautiful individuals JUST LIKE god made you. I feel so sad for anyone whose mentioned all the years they've struggled with their homosexuality.. and I know none of you will ever give in to that, and i wish there was a way all of you could make peace with yourselves and just live a happy, and COMPLETELY fulfilled life.. whatever that may mean to the individual.


As far as the person who called himself an abomination, i feel like smacking the doubt out of you. I don't know you lordworshipper but i know you're beautiful and kind, giving individual.. and i hope you realize that one day.

I am proud of you and anyone who is seeking help with this struggle, The time this is an abomination to the lord is if a person has no desire to repent of this sin and keeps doing it. You feel convicted of your sin and you struggle. That conviction is the holy spirit. You are in a spiritual war, as we all our. The enemy knows each of our weaknesses and targets them so we are tempted and we sin. Just look around you, Some struggle with weight, alcohol, drugs, hate and other sexual sins. When all of us who sin and seek God he will be there to fight for us in this battle. It may take years to win, but remember we have to be patient as God delivers us in his time not ours. You have sough the help of others as we are all to do in fellowship before God. So it is baby steps and you have taken the first one and we will be here with compassionate loving hearts to help you with this.
God bless you and he loves you more than you can ever imagine.

Dear Danny and others, I am a 31 yo guy who has struggled with these issues for 16 years now. It seems as if these thoughts resonate with the most sacred and innermost chambers of our very souls.

<staff edit>

Struggling against impossible odds makes character. I wish I could make your pain go away but I cannot. I can only tell you what I know, and that is the only way out is to deny yourself, and to deny your flesh. <staff edit>

Never look at yourself as if you were observing yourself, and feel sorry for yourself. Being a Christian takes a strong person, being a Christian who struggles with homosexuality takes the power of GOD!!! You will have triumphs and failures. I asked God the other day after struggling and suffering for days on end "when will you tell me that I am doing good? Will you ever comfort me?".

My friend you will be OK!

ARGH!

I typed a huge answer and it deleted because it signed me out!

I completely understand where your coming from. I too am going through the same struggle and have been for the past couple of yrs. I'm 18. I posted a thread about my struggle in december, if you go to my profile you can read it. I can tell you now that looking at it as a burden will only make it that much harder to overcome. I use to have the same view, "why me?", "what did i do to deserve this?", "why give this kind of a struggle to someone who loves you and desires to live a life you approve of?". But then I also realized that God said he will not give us anything that we can't handle. Although it may seem like the whole world is on your shoulders, you are not alone and cannot expect to come out of this alone. Remember that the same sovereign God who created Heaven, Earth and life itself is on your side. Remember that God loves you tremendously, there are no limits to his love. In the words of Winston Churchill: " Never give in!" And remember this: whatever your problem, God can handle it. Your job is to keep persevering until He does. And pray for patience, that's one of the things I still struggle with today. Remember it's not in our time, but Gods. Do not put yourself in a position where you can be tempted! We live in a temptation generation: you can find temptation is lots of place, your job is to AVOID those places. And most importantly, NEVER lose hope. Anything and everything is possible with God!!! It may help to view this as an opportunity to really get to know God and grow a deep relationship with him. Do not worry brother, you are not alone and there is hope for you yet I will be praying for you.

DannyWindsofChange said:

I have been able to conrtol my homosexual feelings before and even my porn addiction, and truly live a Godly life which I desire to have once again, but I feel that since I have such strong homosexual feelings, it is impossible to live a Godly life and still be attracted to men only.

I would like to know if anyone else has struggled with homosexuality like this and has been able to put those feelings aside to the point where you are living a Godly, hetero lifestyle? And if so, how did you do it?? I just want to know if these feelings can be "reversed," for lack of a better word, or at least suppressed. It feels like I was destined to be a raging homosexual! Someone please help! =(

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Some people have had more or less success with "ex-gay" programs. I have an aversion to them.

2Cor 12:5b-10 said:

[F]or myself I will glory nothing, but in my infirmities. For though I should have a mind to glory, I shall not be foolish; for I will say the truth. But I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth in me, or any thing he heareth from me. And lest the greatness of the revelations should exalt me, there was given me a sting of my flesh, an angel of Satan, to buffet me. For which thing thrice I besought the Lord, that it might depart from me. And he said to me: My grace is sufficient for thee; for power is made perfect in infirmity. Gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me. For which cause I please myself in my infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ. For when I am weak, then am I powerful.

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There has been much pointless speculation on what the devil's torment of St. Paul was but the point is that even though he prayed desperately on three separate occasions for God to take away this devil from him, He did not, but rather replied that "My grace is sufficient for thee" and that in Paul's weakness, God was glorified.

1Cor 10:13 said:

Let no temptation take hold on you, but such as is human. And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it.

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When we are suffering some sickness or tragedy or temptation, it is sometimes our first desire to say, "God, stop the pain, I can't deal with this, take this cup from me!" but it is far better to say, ".. not my will but Thine be done." We should not pray that temptations be removed from us, because God allows us to be tried in order to strengthen us. Rather, pray that we have the strength to overcome these temptations. God allows these things to happen for a reason.

Even if you were somehow able to replace your homosexual desires with heterosexual ones, you would still be dealing with some of the same issues of lust. Would it be any better to be addicted to heterosexual pornography than homosexual? Would it be any better to obsess over and fantasize about women instead of men? Slightly, yes, but that's not what you are dealing with. Anytime we make our obedience to God contingent on something, that's a problem. We can't say, "If only ____, then I would be good." If only I had more money, if only I was straight, if only my father didn't hit me, if only my mother was alive, if only God would show me a sign, if only, if only, if only... These are useless statements yet we make them all the time. We say, "I don't want to sin but ______" and we show that we really do want to sin, we just don't want to feel bad about doing it, we don't want to feel like bad people even though we do what we know is wrong.

If you want to get married, get married. No one said you have to be sexually attracted to your spouse (though you should tell her before you get married that you like men). If you want to be celibate, be celibate. But you have to deal with yourself where you are right now, you can't say, "If I was straight, then my life would be so much better and I would be more devoted to God." That's a cop-out. You have to deal with the problems you have right here, right now. <edit>
Focus on God and don't worry about where your temptations come from, worry about overcoming them.

Hey Danny and everybody
Don't give up hope ever!
Our God is Amazing, he can do anything.
he doesn't want us to continue to struggle with this stuff, he didn't make us this way, this is the work of the devil, but we are not the work of the devil, we are Gods creation.

Talk to a pastor, one that you trust, or a grounded mature friend, get some accountability happening.
don't keep it a secret, that's where the devils power is.

Patrick.

"And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily." Luke 18

ianjones said:

Dear Danny,

As I write this my heart bleeds for you. I am almost in tears as I write this, because I am in the same boat as you. I, too, struggle with homosexual feelings, and sometimes even give in to gay porn (coupled with touching yourself) to satisfy my "need". I am always sad, even when I smile. Thoughts of suicide make me feel good. I'm in my 30s now and have been struggling with this for almost 15 years now.
I wish the Lord would just take me home. I hate sinning. The worst moments for me are when I thought I've conquered the desire, and my thoughts and heart are 100% devoted to God, an attractive guy walks past me and I just unknowingly stare and admire him and even fantasize about being with him, etc. Then when I come to myself I realize what just happened, and I return to my depressed self. I think, "Will I ever be free of this???"

When I sin in this way, I find that it's hard to run to God for forgiveness, and hard to read my Bible. I feel so hypocritical, so wicked. But I forget that no matter how much I sin or how evil I am, Jesus' love for me is infinitely greater than all that.

Also, about 5 years ago, I gave in to my desires and met up with someone and we had sex. I gratified my desires and for the moment it was wonderful. But it didn't last. Soon after, extreme guilt set in. And it has lasted to this day. Believe me when I say that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did. And I can't go back in time and fix it. Please don't make the same mistake I made! Whatever you do, don't lose your virginity until marriage. And don't ever have sex with another man. If you're a Christian this will devestate you. It will.
I cry almost daily because of my sin.
I can't come to grips with it. My problem is not really that I've sinned, but I question if I'm saved and whether the Lord loves me or not.
Why would I continue in it for so long if I'm a Christian?

Well, those are my problems. For you, I would just encourage you to devote your thoughts and prayers to the Lord, praying for deliverance. Our home is not in this life anyway. It is in heaven. We should not value the things of this world too much. Glorify God in your life. Please don't give in to your desires to look at gay porn. The first compromise is the biggest defeat. Don't do it. If you're too weak, move your computer to an open place where other people are. Never be alone with your computer. Because once you fall, it will be easier to do it again and again. And this will slowly destroy you on the inside. I know.
And I understand these truths as well. I wish I was stronger.
And it is possible to be free of this and find a strong attraction to women. But your love must always be centered on Christ. And you will draw closer to Him and His will for you.

Please pray for me and I will surely be praying for you.

- Ian

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Dear Ianjones,

I read your post and identified with you ! don't worry I have been there also. I'm 20 by the way and met up with a guy and had sex when i was 17. I was devastated also. I struggle sometimes like you and just want to be loved by another guy, just an affection. keep fighting as it can be tough at times

In the course of my Christian walk, God gave me a calling to start a self support group for people who wanted to come out of homosexuality.

Before I did, I had to educate myself about the subject and some possible responses that was going to achieve the desired result for those who attended.

I learnt that the key issue is not homosexuality. it is rejection. All SSA people have experienced rejection of some kind, real or perceived. In my study and questioning of the people who came for help, almost 100% of them felt rejected by their father.

One young man was the middle of three brothers. When their father came home he gave the oldest one a hug but not him.

Another young man had a father who was distant and harsh so a relationship with him never developed.

I went to a course on homosexuality put on by a local educational institution. it was facilitated by a lesbian and she said there is nothing certain about homosexuality.

I disagreed with her and said one thing is certain and that is the rejection that they suffer at the hands of their father. "Of course she was quite indignant so I said "let's go round the room and ask each one what their relationship with their father was like."

All of them had a less than satisfying relationship with their father.

This rejection and it can happen in the womb. causes the SSA. The person then has to seek affirmation from others of the same sex. The nature and spirit of homosexuality equates acceptance with sex.

I have read many stories of a boys first time with sex with another one. They didn't particularly like the sex but they did like what went with it. Warmth, acceptance, closeness and touch.

They go back to the sex because that is how they get the other things.

Another aspect of the rejection is that it makes the person feel very inferior and inadequate. Invariably they try to overcome this by having relationships with other boys who are like they would like to be i.e handsome, strong, athletic, blonde etc.

The reason why homosexual relationships never last very long is due to the fact that having been hurt before through rejection, they develop a defensive detachment that will not allow them to commit in case they get hurt again despite the fact they have have met their "white knight" who is everything they wish they were and are not.

They get into a bind as they want acceptance but they don't want to be hurt again as they don't have the confidence to trust others.

If you are tryng to deal with your homosexuality you are wasting your time. You need to address what is behind it, the rejection.

Your first path to acceptance is from Christ himself. He doesn't accept you because you are good. He accepts you because you are a sinner. Whether you are good, bad or indifferent, he loves you. You can't earn that love by being good. It just is and as he said to me one day he was crazy about me.

Next, you need two or three friends who accept you as you are and will support you come hell or high water. In the support group I had they did not have to be celibate. All they had to have is a desire to change. We would support them and provide a safe haven for them to meet together and recharge their batteries.

The goal is to find that acceptance without the sex. As one young man said when I gave him a hug "that is the first time I have been hugged by a man who didn't want sex."

Homosexuality is a spirit so you need people who will pray you free of it. In God's time it will happen.

There is much more that I could say but it would be better said in response to questions.

I am also 20 years old and have struggled with homosexuality my whole life, although I can honestly say it is getting better, but it isn't as quick as others have pointed out. Sometimes I am attracted to a man, but I just try and think how the Holy Spirit feels with me lusting after what is unnatural, and that sort of helps. I think it is a very difficult rode honestly and thank God that we are all praying for each other. I will pray for you too brother, and the only thing i can say is try to get the gay porn out of your life, it sort of desentitizes you to something that is completely unnatural. I know it is hard, but there are many programs and filters that can help with that. God bless.

Episaw, I thank you so much for your comment.... I am the mother of a homosexual and your comment REALLY HELPED me to understand... I grew up in the inner city and was raped twice and my two children grew up with a depressed my MOM.... By the grace of GOD... I'm so much better BUT I am facing this battle with my daughter who's 21. I often wonder if my story had anything to do with her choice. As a Mom it's heartbreaking... cause I know that GOD doesn't make mistakes... HER GENDER WAS DESIGNED AND CREATED BY THE ALMIGHTY <staff edit>...

I understand that it may take a while and I am here for her ....for as long as it takes. I LOVE MY BABY SO MUCH and I want her to be happy but I also want US to live a life that will make GOD proud. These stories are troubling to me and I pray for you all and as a Christian I love each and every one of you and I am confident that if you forgive yourself and ask GOD for forgiveness and take baby steps until you can make giant leaps... as you begin to heal...busy yourself...so that you don't fall prey to depression. The devil is out to kill, steal and destroy and you CAN NOT let him win.... you're stronger than you think... I've been stabbed, kidnapped and badly beaten.... and I was delivered from my depressed state.... but this battle with my daughter takes me to an all new low... BUT AGAIN.... THE DEVIL IS A LIAR.... THERE IS NOTHING THAT GOD CAN'T DO.... THIS TOO SHALL PASS... KEEP THE FAITH and know that you are LOVED... I BELIEVE IN YOU...LET'S MAKE GOD PROUD!!!!

ddean, you are on the right track. God is in control or he is not. You are giving her the one thing that she needs more than anything and that is unconditional love. God will do the rest. Trust in his word that he is not willing that any should perish. I know that it is hard sometimes but he is our refuge and strength.

Homosexual love is always conditional (what's in it for me) and she will discover that in time and compare it to what you give her. No contest.

I had a son who was on drugs for 10 years. Nothing I did changed the situation, then one day God reached down. Today he is married and has six children and is running his own business. He is doing a wonderful job of raising the children. His wife is an ex druggie as well.

God is able......

Hello,


I am 31 years old and have never 'been' with a woman, only men. I have been saved since I was a kid and struggle deeply with homosexual issues. It has been 11 years since I have been "active" with another man.

I find that these homosexual issues go straight to the very core of who I am. They are as entrenched as cancer and as deep as a barbed fishhook.

I see that many Christians feel that it is OK to be gay, but not to actually "Act out". To me, I feel this is to God like someone saying "It is OK to want to steal, just don't steal".

I have come to understand that this same sex attraction was decided for me before my min could form a rational thought. Via sins of my family, Gods sovereign will, or whatever, I was chosen for this burden. And that curse was laid on me likely while I was even in my mothers womb.

It would be so easy for me to say I was "Born this way" and just give in. I know the Bible is true, and I know that being with another man is the antithesis of what God has for me.

<staff edit>

When I was growing up I had strange thoughts that would just "Appear". I thought that was normal and just a part of life. I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 5. Through some horrific happenings in my life, God has been gracious to show me so much about my affliction.

How homosexuality integrates with my very psyche, <staff edit>
Even armed with this knowledge I shake and shiver during times of temptation.

I can tell you this, if you ever are intimate with another man, you open up a door to Satan that only God can shut. No matter how bad the temptation, no matter how intense, pray to God and resist. It will seem like the very epitome of the fulfilling of every desire that is inside of you.

<staff edit>

Armed with this I still struggle, suffer, and would rather die than to deny what my flesh wants. Several times this week I sincerely asked God "WHY did you create me??"

A lot of Christians wonder about homosexuality, and all I can tell them is to trust an believe God word.

<staff edit> The pornography is also a pretty short road to the actual acts. As much as I struggle with it, I can tell you that you should stop it.

I wish I could say everything will be peachy, but the truth is we are struggling with something no straight person can ever understand. <staff edit>

Only God is more powerful, and only God can deliver us <staff edit> . Fighting <staff edit> on your own will result in exhausting defeat, every time.

You should understand just one thing: God loves you anyway. And no matter how dirty you feel, the ONLY option you have is to turn back to Him. Even if it means acknowledging Him in your filth. He WILL be there. He WILL help you. 5 times in one day, He will take you back. I love you too, so don't give up.

May I say what I have said many time before that a lot of the struggle is ineffective because the struggle is against the wrong thing. I learnt this whilst I was doing my drug rehabilitation training with Teen Challenge.

Drugs are not the problem. The problem is what makes a person take drugs.

Homosexuality is not the problem. What brings on the homosexuality is.

The drugs and the homosexuality are the fruit. What we need to indentify is the root. With most addictions, traumatised emotions are usually the reason which brings on a sense of rejection.

That is what needs to be dealt with. Once that happens, the fruit dies with the cutting of the root.

DannyWindsofChange said:

Well, to start, I am a 20 year old male, college student, and I was raised in a very Christian home since I was very young. However, ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to the same sex. I can even remember being in fifth grade (when I first began to be attracted to other people my age) and being attracted to other boys in my class. I have gone out with girls before, still a virgin, but have never been as physically attracted to the opposite sex as I am towards the same sex. I am still somewhat addicted to porn, and it is only gay porn, which I know isn't helping the problem. The thing is, I DO NOT want to live like this! I have been able to conrtol my homosexual feelings before and even my porn addiction, and truly live a Godly life which I desire to have once again, but I feel that since I have such strong homosexual feelings, it is impossible to live a Godly life and still be attracted to men only.
I would like to know if anyone else has struggled with homosexuality like this and has been able to put those feelings aside to the point where you are living a Godly, hetero lifestyle? And if so, how did you do it?? I just want to know if these feelings can be "reversed," for lack of a better word, or at least suppressed. It feels like I was destined to be a raging homosexual! Someone please help! =(

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God doesn't require heterosexuality, only sexual purity. Many Christians struggle with homosexuality their entire lives. That temptation really is no different than heterosexual lust, its all sin in the eyes of God. Everybody has something they struggle with. God will never give us more temptation than we have the ability to overcome.

The most difficult struggle with homosexuality for me at least is how it changes the way we relate to other people, and in our society that can hinder us from building relationships with the opposite sex and same sex. This creates loneliness and can make the struggle much worse. I would recommend talking with a trusted pastor/church counselor about the issue. Whatever you do, DO NOT go to a secular therapist.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

DannyWindsofChange said:

Well, to start, I am a 20 year old male, college student, and I was raised in a very Christian home since I was very young. However, ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to the same sex. I can even remember being in fifth grade (when I first began to be attracted to other people my age) and being attracted to other boys in my class. I have gone out with girls before, still a virgin, but have never been as physically attracted to the opposite sex as I am towards the same sex. I am still somewhat addicted to porn, and it is only gay porn, which I know isn't helping the problem. The thing is, I DO NOT want to live like this! I have been able to conrtol my homosexual feelings before and even my porn addiction, and truly live a Godly life which I desire to have once again, but I feel that since I have such strong homosexual feelings, it is impossible to live a Godly life and still be attracted to men only.
I would like to know if anyone else has struggled with homosexuality like this and has been able to put those feelings aside to the point where you are living a Godly, hetero lifestyle? And if so, how did you do it?? I just want to know if these feelings can be "reversed," for lack of a better word, or at least suppressed. It feels like I was destined to be a raging homosexual! Someone please help! =(

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well there is a way to get free, from both homosexuality and porn, REJECT IT! Start verbally assulting thoughts and ideas, evil lust, at first you will feel this is powerless and will probably give into temptation, but if your willing to die for Jesus as He was willing to die for you, you will set in your heart like King David a strong desire to please God, even though you fall you will NEVER stop getting back up and starting over. first you have to realize your in the same boat with the anorexic girl only the lie your being decieved with, isn't as visible as the malnourished bony girl. In the same way every part of her being believes she is fat, her mind tells her she's fat her eyes look into the mirror and actually see's fat, she has completely forced her stomach to go without, and the rest of her body which cry's out for nourishment is ignored. <staff edit> never the less it feels as real as someone with a God given attraction to a woman. but the bible tells us its a deception, and thats the way you need to fight it. when you feel or have homosexual thoughts or ideas you must declare with your mouth "That is a LIE", "that is not who I am", "God did not create me that way", <staff edit> The bible says the truth will set you free, IT DOES! IT HAS! I can tell you from my own experience that at an early age I began down this path of deception and went down it much farther than you, so I had a farther trek coming back, <staff edit> The battle for me was very difficult and I had made a life or death descision, I would fight each and everyday against this strong delusion, and whether I found freedom or not I would not give up until the day I took my last breath. <staff edit> Its a matter of the heart, Its what true repentance actually means, being sorry and returning to sin is not a godly repentance, thats why when you fall you MUST not let condemnation ruin your effort, get back up and fight again, I can attest to homosexuallity being completely overcome and new and wonderful desires (normal and God given desires) will fill the void, I am now HAPPILY married and have a great 3 yr old son. incidently my wife also was once trapped in a life of lesbianism, <staff edit> I have to tell you a whole network of false doctrine has been put out there to try to persuade you that its impossible to be set free from this and you don't really need too, I assure you the bible is more than clear on this issue <staff edit>. Don't give up!.....if you start rebuking the thoughts and evil desires your mind brings up, after a while they don't as often and after years of rebuking you begin to wonder if why they had such power over you, and it gets easier and easier, before you know it they are only a sinful memory of the past. And God grace and mercy will cover you until you find the victory and God pleasing life you seek!

Well. I just recently joined this forum and It was so good reading about the stories of all you people. In such a situation such as the one I'm in, it can begin to feel so lonely that it becomes overpowering. I'm a 26yr old guy who has been attracted to guys since I was a kid. Over the years, I just refused to acknowledge it but now, I know where the cause of the problem is. There is a strong need for me to be loved from a male figure and I didn't get that as a child and not necessarily now.