Struggling with everything

[rockstar6181]

Hi everyone,

I am a 25yr old male who is very down about his life in terms of being a Christian, in late 2003 I started to read the bible and in the spring 2004 I burst into tears and asked for forgiveness(thats the point where I belive I was saved), since that time I have given up achoal and going out in clubs looking for women as well as other things, I have tried to give up lust/anger/selfishness and all the other things that I think are wrong. I would say there's defintily been improvements however some things like lust for example I seem only good with for 10 days max before falling. Half of me wants to sell everything I own give it to the poor and work for a charity of sorts the other half thinks NO dont do it. I feel like a hyipcrite. I feel quite numb inside, for example I have fallen over so many times that its just become a normal patern, I sometimes wish I was dead so I couldnt make any more mistakes. I dont here voices or anything like that but I get some nasty thoughts run through my head like burning a bible when I am reading it, fighting God etc etc, I really dont want to have these thoughts and I am so embrassed to amit it here on this board but its the truth..what can i do?

 

[jacquidube]

Hi everyone,

I am a 25yr old male who is very down about his life in terms of being a Christian, in late 2003 I started to read the bible and in the spring 2004 I burst into tears and asked for forgiveness(thats the point where I belive I was saved), since that time I have given up achoal and going out in clubs looking for women as well as other things, I have tried to give up lust/anger/selfishness and all the other things that I think are wrong. I would say there's defintily been improvements however some things like lust for example I seem only good with for 10 days max before falling. Half of me wants to sell everything I own give it to the poor and work for a charity of sorts the other half thinks NO dont do it. I feel like a hyipcrite. I feel quite numb inside, for example I have fallen over so many times that its just become a normal patern, I sometimes wish I was dead so I couldnt make any more mistakes. I dont here voices or anything like that but I get some nasty thoughts run through my head like burning a bible when I am reading it, fighting God etc etc, I really dont want to have these thoughts and I am so embrassed to amit it here on this board but its the truth..what can i do?

I really feel for you. I dont think you are doing anything different to how we are all trying to live. I really do struggle too with almost everything. Maybe you are trying too hard. satan wants you to have these thoughts about burning your Bible. When my sister tries to read her bible she gets really bad stomach pains. I told her it was satan trying to stop her getting closer to God.
You say after 10 days max you go back to how you were, lusting etc. Is it always 10 days? Obviously there is a pattern here that you need to break if that is so.
I sometimes test myself to see if I want something that is sinful. Like for example trying to lust after some guy, just to be unfruitful and to see how I feel. I can and still have the same feelings as I did before I gave my life to Christ. All that I have realised will never change. We just have to try and live for Christ daily and ask for His help. It is very difficult but I just suggest you confess all to Him and He will help you.
I have felt that since becoming a christian I have had to give up so much and we miss the things we are so used to and I guess that is why we fall because we miss our old ways of lust and having fun in a bar and drinking alcohol until we fall down and wake up next to a person we dont know.
All I can say to you is dont give up on God. He knows what you are going through. You have cried out. He will answer your call.
May God bless you Dear brother.

 

[TexasSky]

Hi everyone,

I am a 25yr old male who is very down about his life in terms of being a Christian, in late 2003 I started to read the bible and in the spring 2004 I burst into tears and asked for forgiveness(thats the point where I belive I was saved), since that time I have given up achoal and going out in clubs looking for women as well as other things, I have tried to give up lust/anger/selfishness and all the other things that I think are wrong. I would say there's defintily been improvements however some things like lust for example I seem only good with for 10 days max before falling. Half of me wants to sell everything I own give it to the poor and work for a charity of sorts the other half thinks NO dont do it. I feel like a hyipcrite. I feel quite numb inside, for example I have fallen over so many times that its just become a normal patern, I sometimes wish I was dead so I couldnt make any more mistakes. I dont here voices or anything like that but I get some nasty thoughts run through my head like burning a bible when I am reading it, fighting God etc etc, I really dont want to have these thoughts and I am so embrassed to amit it here on this board but its the truth..what can i do?

First - **HUGS**

You sound like an amazing person, and please, don't be embarassed that you are a human being. Paul has a thorn in the flesh, I do, everyone has something.

This is going to sound really, really, really weird, but I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself, and actually, stop trying to hard to change yourself, and step back to let God change you.

A problem that I see with many Chrisitians, especially new Christians, is that they demand perfection of themselves, and they fear loss of God's love if they make mistakes along the way.

Remember, the bible says, "That while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." He loved us enough to die for us before we even tried to please him, he'll certainly continue to love us now that we are trying.

You can't win a battle of the flesh without God. There are things you can do to make this all a bit easier. The more you focus on God, the less you'll focus on those things that tempt you. If you're reading his word for an hour, you aren't reading erotica for that hour. If you're listening to a praise song you aren't watching naked women dance on MTV while they sing about making love to you. But most of all, if you are praying, and truly trying to grow closer to God you're going to find that little by little, day by day, you are less and less bothered by the temptations.

Also, remember, Christ said, "Forgive so that your Father in heaven may forgive." That includes forgiving yourself.

When you screw up, talk to God about it. Go to Him, and say, "Father in Heaven, please forgive me. I screwed up. I love you. I want to please you, but I screwed up. Please forgive me, and please give me the strength not to screw up again."

He loves you. And more than obedience, He wants your love. Obedience is a natural flow of love. A child that loves and respects a parent is less rebellious than a child who doesn't. A parent who loves a child is more forgiving of a child that loves them back than they are of a child that spits hate at them.

God said the greatest commandment is to love God. You've got that first one covered. He knows you're working on the others.

Also, take a long, long look at the Bible from the "mercy of God" perspective.

David walked with God, was blessed by God in ways that exceed our imagination. He went from a lowly kid haulting lunches for his brothers to King of the greatest nation in the world at the time of his life. He was rich. He was adored. He was respected.

And he set up a guy to be murdered so he wouldn't get stoned for impregnanting the guy's wife.

Wow. Talk about screwing up with God!

But he confessed, he asked forgiveness, he loved God, and God continued to love David.

Look at Peter. Christ found a fisherman, elevated him in the community. Ate with him, walked with him, prayed with him, taught him, loved him. Warned him, "You're going to deny me." Peter was insulted. Couldn't happen. Not to ole Peter! They were close! But fear does a lot of ugly things to a person, and Peter DID deny him.

You weep over lusting, imagine how Peter wept after that [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] crowed and he realized what he'd done? Peter had seen the miracles, seen Christ literally raise the dead and heal the lame, and he had denied even knowing him. But Christ loved Peter, even AFTER that. Christ STILL entrusted Peter with spreading the word of God. Christ never denied Peter even though Peter had denied Christ.

So, if God is willing to love and forgive you, even when you screw up... who are you to continue to condemn yourself?

Talk to Him. Be honest with Him. Tell Him that your heart is breaking. Tell Him that you aren't sure you have the strength to do what you know is right. He'll help you find the strength. It may come slowly.

As long as you have a physical body you're going to have temptations of the flesh because that physical body is very animal like. Don't hate yourself. Just love God.

 

[jacquidube]

WOW Texasky. That was very good advice. I will be taking some of that myself...... Thanks and God Bless you.

 

[rockstar6181]

Thank you jacquidube and TexasSky your replys mean a lot and I am sure they will help me. Thanks again.

 

[mattsmom]

First - **HUGS**

You sound like an amazing person, and please, don't be embarassed that you are a human being. Paul has a thorn in the flesh, I do, everyone has something.

This is going to sound really, really, really weird, but I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself, and actually, stop trying to hard to change yourself, and step back to let God change you.

A problem that I see with many Chrisitians, especially new Christians, is that they demand perfection of themselves, and they fear loss of God's love if they make mistakes along the way.

Remember, the bible says, "That while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." He loved us enough to die for us before we even tried to please him, he'll certainly continue to love us now that we are trying.

You can't win a battle of the flesh without God. There are things you can do to make this all a bit easier. The more you focus on God, the less you'll focus on those things that tempt you. If you're reading his word for an hour, you aren't reading erotica for that hour. If you're listening to a praise song you aren't watching naked women dance on MTV while they sing about making love to you. But most of all, if you are praying, and truly trying to grow closer to God you're going to find that little by little, day by day, you are less and less bothered by the temptations.

Also, remember, Christ said, "Forgive so that your Father in heaven may forgive." That includes forgiving yourself.

When you screw up, talk to God about it. Go to Him, and say, "Father in Heaven, please forgive me. I screwed up. I love you. I want to please you, but I screwed up. Please forgive me, and please give me the strength not to screw up again."

He loves you. And more than obedience, He wants your love. Obedience is a natural flow of love. A child that loves and respects a parent is less rebellious than a child who doesn't. A parent who loves a child is more forgiving of a child that loves them back than they are of a child that spits hate at them.

God said the greatest commandment is to love God. You've got that first one covered. He knows you're working on the others.

Also, take a long, long look at the Bible from the "mercy of God" perspective.

David walked with God, was blessed by God in ways that exceed our imagination. He went from a lowly kid haulting lunches for his brothers to King of the greatest nation in the world at the time of his life. He was rich. He was adored. He was respected.

And he set up a guy to be murdered so he wouldn't get stoned for impregnanting the guy's wife.

Wow. Talk about screwing up with God!

But he confessed, he asked forgiveness, he loved God, and God continued to love David.

Look at Peter. Christ found a fisherman, elevated him in the community. Ate with him, walked with him, prayed with him, taught him, loved him. Warned him, "You're going to deny me." Peter was insulted. Couldn't happen. Not to ole Peter! They were close! But fear does a lot of ugly things to a person, and Peter DID deny him.

You weep over lusting, imagine how Peter wept after that [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] crowed and he realized what he'd done? Peter had seen the miracles, seen Christ literally raise the dead and heal the lame, and he had denied even knowing him. But Christ loved Peter, even AFTER that. Christ STILL entrusted Peter with spreading the word of God. Christ never denied Peter even though Peter had denied Christ.

So, if God is willing to love and forgive you, even when you screw up... who are you to continue to condemn yourself?

Talk to Him. Be honest with Him. Tell Him that your heart is breaking. Tell Him that you aren't sure you have the strength to do what you know is right. He'll help you find the strength. It may come slowly.

As long as you have a physical body you're going to have temptations of the flesh because that physical body is very animal like. Don't hate yourself. Just love God.

TexasSky,
Amen! Thank you!

 

[UnitynLove]

Recently, the Lord gave me this Word for a meeting I was preparing for, and I believe He wants me to give it to you. He said:
"So many are in prison because they won't accept themselves. So many are so gifted and talented, but they won't express themselves because they fear rejection. They fear man. They fear what people will think.
I want to love My people, but they hold Me at arm's length and won't let Me really love them because they have been hurt by others. They fear I will reject them because of their weaknesses like people have. But I will never reject them. TELL THEM I LOVE THEM . Ask them to stop trying so hard to be acceptable to Me and to realize I accept them where they are. Tell them I don't want PERFECT PERFORMANCE from them. I want them to love Me and to let Me love them."
The Lord has been having me minister to the body of believers concerning how He looks for a perfect heart and not perfect performance. We will not impress God with our works unless our heart is pure. A lot of people think God won't use them until every area of their life is perfected. That type of thinking keeps people from allowing God to use them. He uses us in spite of us, not because of us. This doesn't mean that we should have a loose attitude and not desire to live a holy life. A person whose heart is perfect towards God is always going to earnestly and zealously desire to please God in all things. But we must also remember that Hebrews 4:15 teaches us that we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a fellow feeling with our weaknesses, infirmities and liabilities to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Verse 16 encourages us in light of verse 15 to draw near to God's throne and receive mercy for our failures and to go ahead and get grace to help us in our time of need. This is one of God's ways of saying He won't reject you because of your weaknesses or because of your mistakes.
Most of us have grown up on a "merry-go-round" of trying to please people so they won't reject us. We all have an inbred need to be loved. People usually love you based on your performance. If you do what they want you to do, they accept you. But if you don't, they reject you. This is the operation of human love, and none of us know how to do anything else until we taste of God's agape or His type of love that is not based on man's performance but is based only on God. He loves you and accepts you because He decided to, not because of what you do or do not do. Once again let me say, this doesn't mean you shouldn't desire holiness; but you'll never arrive at new levels of holiness if you think God rejects you and withholds His love every time you fail. Remember Hebrews 4:15-16. He knows you're weak. Admit you are and let Him help you anyway.
II Chronicles 16:9 says, "... the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong in behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him- " (KJV)
I Corinthians 1:27-29 says God purposely chooses the weak and foolish things of the world to confound the wise.
I would think (in my natural thinking) He would look for a perfect specimen—someone who has it all together; a strong person who would never fail Him or let Him down, but instead He looks for a person WHOSE HEART IS PERFECT TOWARDS HIM.
God desires to heal His people from past hurts caused by rejection. He wants you to know HE WILL NEVER REJECT YOU. He says in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." This is referring to those who are laboring at trying to be perfect and then beating themselves (with guilty feeling) when they fail.
Jesus was talking to the people who were trying to live under the laws of the Pharisees. It takes a lot to please a Pharisee, and they are still around today. I'm sure you all know one—someone who conveys to you the message, "I'll accept you if you perform perfectly and please me. I'll reject you and withhold my love if you don't." Jesus is not a Pharisee. He says in John 3, he that believes will never be rejected. Believe in Him, love Him and desire His will. You'll be off to a good start. He will bring you across the finish line. And remember, you may not be performing perfectly; but if you have a perfect heart towards Him, He counts you as perfect while you are making the trip. Oh yes, one main thing I need to say. "Be sure you are not a Pharisee." God has placed people all around you who need love and acceptance. Give it to them, and you'll help them to become all they can be.

 

[Anti Existance]

These kind of struggles can be hard,there's only one way, namely Gods way. The rest is just misery and pain, give up your life, and give it to God. Serve him and God will remember forever, serving yourself will only lead into losing yourself, and being forgotten by everyone.

I assure you there is life after death, sell your stuff to the poor and serve God. I know the other side refuses, just put your mind on zero and do it. You'll be happier later on that you did it.

 

[VVV]

from my earlier post on this subject

(...) writes:

"In your opinion is sex a need?"


*********** REPLY SEPARATOR ***********


V writes:

Sex? No, it is not a life and death need, but sex is a a basic instinctual need in most people that can disturb one's peace...even if gratified and as well as if not gratified in. So it is hard to come to peace with sex, no matter how you slice it. The best one can do is make sex somewhat less peace disrupting. Yes, sex is crazy business for sure. I am always amazed each spring when I take walks around a local lake that has a large duck population. I see four male ducks surround a female to pin her down and take turns having sex with her all the while biting the feathers off her neck and head. They all seem to be driven and squawking loudly all the while. If they were humans, the males would get 20 years in jail most likely for such behavior. In any case, it is natures way ... with ducks at least.

Below is a snip on the subject of praying mantis sexual practice (condensed) Or, skip this paragraph and get to my post if not interested. But, this paragraph just illustrates that all species have to deal with the same issues as humans more or less when it comes to sex...craziness and peace disruption. As the Taoist say...fleas come with the dog. so forget 100% peace if you are talking about participating in sex and forget 100% peace as well if you are thinking celibacy (unless you are dead to natures sex drive altogether.) But celibates have the possibility of more peace than the sex addict that gratifies all their desires since sexual stimulation produces chemicals in the brain and body, so the sex addict is on a constant high, whereas the celibate is hopefully less drugged up. But nature gives us some sex hype for free, so either way we can get drunk from our own efforts or from outside sources that are mostly beyond our control...the addict just helps nature with manufacturing more drugs internally around the clock.

From : How to Want What You Have:

"People who dedicate their lives to the pursuit of sensual pleasure find that the more pleasure they get, the more they want. Small, ordinary pleasures soon lose their power to please and must be replaced with more intense or exotic ones. Heedless sensualists usually meet a bad end. They learn the hard way that their desires are relentless and insatiable."


Written by Patrick O'Brian on the subject of Sexual Practices of the Praying Mantis

Stephen watch the male mantis step cautiously towards the female mantis. In three strides he was upon her; his legs gripped her wing-covers; his antennae found hers and began to stroke them and copulation began. After a few minutes the female moved her triangular head pivoting it from left to right, then I there was a blur of movements so rapid that for all his care and extreme attention he could not follow them, and the males head was off, clamped there, a detached lemon, under the crook of her green praying arms. She bit into it, and the eye's glow went out; on her back the headless male continued to copulate rather more strongly than before; all his inhibitions having been removed. Ten minutes later the female took off three pieces of her mate's long thorax and ate them with every appearance of appetite, dropping a few crumbs in front of her. The male copulated on, still firmly anchored by his back legs. Stephen thought to himself, "You do not need a head, nor even a heart, to be all a female can require." (end)


I used to handle wife almost continually in my old life. I learned I had to scale back with sex stimuli with wife inside the home as well as sex stimuli outside the home if I wished to be at peace. Sometimes we go a little too far with sex and need to be reeled back in. I use many S programs for support such as SA, SLAA and SCA. In SCA they are mindful of 'gray' areas. I just scaled back with wife stimuli until it fells doable peace-wise and work to keep it there. But in reality, sex is never perfect and it always needs to be adjusted somewhat. If we keep going past the gray and fall off the edge it is a tough hard climb back up and sometime we don't get back up if the fall is hard enough. No, just being married is not a free pass to abusing sex stimuli all the time. It is no different from thinking you can drink all the time cause you own a whisky factory or eat rich food all the time if you are a four star restaurant owner.

"Just as a life of virtue yields its own reward, a life of vice yields its own punishment" - Plutarch

Being hyped up is a byproduct of sex. One goes with the other, so no use beating yourself up over it. The nature of the beast with sex is to get excited, so this is what makes it tougher addiction than food and spending, as we can eat or spend and still be devoid of most of the excitement from these areas if we wish. But in general, we cannot participate in sexual activity without getting excited. In addition, it takes a day or two for some of us to go back to normal from sex, so this refractory period is another area to deal with whenever we get hyped up sexually. Is this refractory period bad? No, it is just how things are. The problem with addicts is they overdo things to a point of pain - that is what's bad.

Perfection with sex? This is where most addicts fail. Where judgments have to be made, mistakes can and will happen. Forget perfection - look for direction. Addictions can go in 3 directions. We can always get a quick snapshot of our recovery direction by asking the question: Is our addiction frozen? Is our addiction growing? Or is our addiction declining? Aldous Huxley sheds some light on this "The only completely consistent people are the dead." In addition, ask yourself how well a drug addict or alcoholic would do if they had to limit themselves to drinking or using once a week but not getting drunk or using drugs but not getting high? If you are a celibate and renunciate then find your pride in perfecting that area, but also be advised you are working against nature. If you lost your sex drive then celibacy will not be much of a problem. If it is not your true and authentic nature to be a celibate then it is ego driven and not truth based. People fighting against their nature will never be at peace. This is discussed in an earlier post called "Authentic Nature + Right Actions = Peace" and is too long to include here.

In short if you wish to be a celibate then be a celibate that is authentic and at peace and not one that is not a peace and not authentic if celibacy causes you more problem than practicing sex on a limited basis. The problem with addicts is 'accepting and maintaining limits' when they are playing with their drug of choice, so you have to work the formula out for yourself. For my own peace, I seek balance and do this by blending some sexual participation and balancing this participation with some sexual celibacy. Sometimes I achieve an acceptable balance other times the balance needs adjusting the sooner it becomes acceptably (not perfectly) balanced the sooner I can be at peace. SCA gave me the gift of accepting sex as a gift from God, but it is totally up to me with how I use this gift. I also have to remember..." If you abuse it ~ you lose it." I don't want to lose the privilege. This is the universal law that SA reminds me of 'you abuse - you lose,' so I use both programs to find a semblance of peace with sex.

(SCA guidelines: is the activity placing unreasonable demands on my time and energy, will it place me in legal jeopardy or endanger my mental, physical or spiritual health?)


Take Care,






V (Male)

A Christian-Buddhist practitioner living a life of Voluntary Simplicity and grateful recovering Debtor, Drug, Alcohol and Substance Abuser, Compulsive Overeater, Clutterer, Hoarder, Rageaholic, Speculative Gambler, Compulsive Spender, Sex and Sensation Addict.

 

[RomanPrincess]

that's satan annoying you when your reading the bible, rebuke!
It's tough being a Christian at times and it is not easy always doing good and i understand it is a constant battle.Do the best you can and ask God to help you n forgive you if you slip up and don't sin again, pray always about everything.We walk in Jesus footprints, he sufferend so we will suffer also.

 

[silentpoet]

This life is not about being perfect. It is about getting better. We do the best we can with grace and who we are. God knows how hard certain things are for you and me. He sees your struggles and each time you turn from sin for even a moment it is a pleasing sacrifice to Him.

 

[FallingWaters]

Dear RockStar,

You didn't mention anything about belonging to a church. While we can learn a lot on our own, we are all members of the Body of Christ. We function as a team, as it were. It would be so helpful to you to attend a church where there is Bible study, and Biblical living. I think you just need some extra support around you. You have the Holy Spirit in you, empowering you to say no to sin and yes to God.

And just as an extra challenge: When I was a new Christian, someone challenged me to memorize Romans 6. I would like to challenge you to do the same. I added one verse every day until I had memorized all 23 verses.

This will help you because while you are memorizing, you will be meditating. God will give you revelation. It will be good for you. It will give you spiritual strength to fight the good fight.
Let me know how it goes, okay?

 

[Sweeterthanhoney]

Hi everyone,

I am a 25yr old male who is very down about his life in terms of being a Christian, in late 2003 I started to read the bible and in the spring 2004 I burst into tears and asked for forgiveness(thats the point where I belive I was saved), since that time I have given up achoal and going out in clubs looking for women as well as other things, I have tried to give up lust/anger/selfishness and all the other things that I think are wrong. I would say there's defintily been improvements however some things like lust for example I seem only good with for 10 days max before falling. Half of me wants to sell everything I own give it to the poor and work for a charity of sorts the other half thinks NO dont do it. I feel like a hyipcrite. I feel quite numb inside, for example I have fallen over so many times that its just become a normal patern, I sometimes wish I was dead so I couldnt make any more mistakes. I dont here voices or anything like that but I get some nasty thoughts run through my head like burning a bible when I am reading it, fighting God etc etc, I really dont want to have these thoughts and I am so embrassed to amit it here on this board but its the truth..what can i do?

Welcome Brother!
My first question to you would be, do you have anyone disciplining you? Some one to stand beside you and guide you in your Christian walk? Are you going to a Bible believing/teaching Church?

Those thoughts you are having come straight from the devil. He doesn't want you reading Gods Word. We need to take each though captive to the obedience of Christ. When you have those thoughts , tell Satan in Jesus name where to go! You can do this! God has given you the power in His Name! Then focus on good things. Things that are lovely and pure and Godly. pray before you start reading for God to protect your mind and to place a hedge of proctection around it, and for Him to cover you with His blood.
Satan doesn't want to give you up with out a fight. But on the whole armor of God. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus. You are His child! A son of The Most High!
You cant make these changes in your own strength. If we could we wouldn't need Jesus. Lean on Him and not your own understanding. You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! Greater is He who is in YOU, then he that is in the world!