Struggling with Diagnosis

[kbteachem]

I have only been diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder for about 2 years but before that time, I was being treated for unipolar depression. (Or at least that's what they thought.) I spent almost 14 years on Prozac but continued to have this horrible "crawling out of my skin" feeling that I now know is hypomania. I managed to go to school, raise 2 kids on my own, and graduate, and take a full time teaching position. I am now happily remarried for the past 14 years and have been teaching for the same length of time. My life appears to be quite whole and I should be happy but I feel like there's something missing.

I write poetry which helps me release some of my feelings and they all seem to have the same message... that I feel lost.

I think my diagnosis has changed how I view myself because before I was labeled as anything, I was just me. Me and that's all. Now I feel like this crazy roller coaster ride of emotions that affects the outcome of my days. I want to put it all on the backburner and make it go away but it always surfaces.

When am I going to be able to just LIVE? And accept the person that God created me to be?

Thanks for listening when others do not.

KB

 

[goldenviolet]

writing is a very good outlet. will you post some for us? bless your heart! you've accomplished so much! i'm sure alot of us can say we're struggling with life too. blessed as we may be, there's something we long for the Heavenly Father to fix. it's something Jesus will heal us of later; but teach us to walk though earthly stuff now.
we have so much to learn. keep sharing. you could be in for healling in this life. and excepting daily struggles is something we all, bipolar or not must strive though. xo dee

 

[helpneedednow]

i know i have prayed to god to help me through this illness. i have read in the bible that you should ask for things in prayer and that was opposite of what i thought you should do. it says that god will help you even if it is not what you think you need but what you want. i am convinced that i have recieved the medication that i have needed and things are going well. i recieve therapy, see a doctor, attend bipolar meetings and also but not least but most, go to church. all of this is helping me and i am so blessed to be here at the place where i am. i have a great set of parents who support me and freinds who have stuck by me. i just would like to see my children as i went through a troubling time and they were taken away for a time. i would really love to see them all but will have to wait for the time to come. keep your chin up and do the best you can and you will be rewarded. i will pray for you and hope you can find the path that you need to take to be healed. god bless you.

 

[madison1101]

When am I going to be able to just LIVE? And accept the person that God created me to be?

I have struggled with acceptance of my diagnoses as well. My Mom was bipolar and my Dad was an alcoholic. I never wanted to be anything like either of them. They did not raise me to be a Christian. My mental illness and alcoholism cost me my marriage and caused my children to suffer a lot of fear when they were children.

Yet, when I was in the hospital in January, my children called me and expressed a lot of love and acceptance of me. When I went to rehab, after being in AA for 20 years, my older son came to visit me. My other two children live too far away.

We accept our mental illness when we accept God's love and grace for us. I find Psalm 139 to be very helpful in this. In it, David says that all the days of our lives were ordained by God. That means, HE knew about our mental illnesses.

I have learned that my diagnoses helps me to have empathy for others. I taught middle school for many years, and found that I am able to work with kids who suffer from emotional issues. I am able to help them see that their behavior is not acceptable, but that I will go to the end of the earth to help them, if they are willing to try.

I have only been diagnosed in the past three years, and I hated when I got the diagnosis as well.

Trish

 

[helpneedednow]

i have also found this to be true trish, i have just met an autistis little boy. i find myself really wanting to help him and can relate to his situation. the only difference between you and me is i also stutter so i know how mean and ruthless people can be. how you can get thrown to the side and be left as broken. i have realized my true worth as being me and being the person i know i am, who helps people whenever possible.

 

[Lily_Among_Thorns]

I have only been diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder for about 2 years but before that time, I was being treated for unipolar depression. (Or at least that's what they thought.) I spent almost 14 years on Prozac but continued to have this horrible "crawling out of my skin" feeling that I now know is hypomania. I managed to go to school, raise 2 kids on my own, and graduate, and take a full time teaching position. I am now happily remarried for the past 14 years and have been teaching for the same length of time. My life appears to be quite whole and I should be happy but I feel like there's something missing.

I write poetry which helps me release some of my feelings and they all seem to have the same message... that I feel lost.

I think my diagnosis has changed how I view myself because before I was labeled as anything, I was just me. Me and that's all. Now I feel like this crazy roller coaster ride of emotions that affects the outcome of my days. I want to put it all on the backburner and make it go away but it always surfaces.

When am I going to be able to just LIVE? And accept the person that God created me to be?

Thanks for listening when others do not.

KB

Recovery is a long and hard road. I would suggest therapy for support. You know, just to be able to talk to someone you can relate to, in person. Whether it be a peer or a therapist, it is important to be able to express what we feel and think to other people. And it is important that that other person understand without judgment and with acceptance.

It's even better if that support can be a family person, one whom you can really rely on without feeling the slightest bit of contention to that person.