Struggling with condemnation

[Invalidusername]

I backslid pretty bad after being saved for a long period of time... years. Did some pretty gross sins. After realizing that life is short after an event with my heart that gave me a scare, I've been cleaning the garbage out of my life. I want to live the rest of my life as a faithful Christian but I fear I've disqualified myself from the faith or in better words become a castaway. I fear I've been given over to a reprobate mind.

I've finally had some lasting victory over pornography/masturbation. Asked God to never ever let me do those sins again. Still get tempted but I try to remind myself to flee from sexual immorality and I have been successful. My other sins I was able to ditch very quickly.

I try to place my faith in Christ and his sacrifice and then Hebrews 10:26-31 pops up in my mind. No more sacrifice for my sins remain? I try to love people but then Hebrews 6 come to mind and then I wonder if my repentance is fake and if I am Esau. 2 Peter 19-21 pops up in my mind. 2 Timothy 2(I think) comes to mind where I've been disqualified. Goes on forever. So many verses condemning me. Even Ezekiel has a verse that condemns me.

Honestly this is such a harsh punishment even though I know I deserve it. I miss God and his Holy Spirit. I miss bearing fruit. I miss having assurance that if I died tonight, I'd be going to heaven. I keep thinking about eternity in torment by demons and my parents being in heaven completely forgotten me for all of eternity. Being unable to pray to God seperated from Him forever.

 

[God is good]

I backslid pretty bad after being saved for a long period of time... years. Did some pretty gross sins. After realizing that life is short after an event with my heart that gave me a scare, I've been cleaning the garbage out of my life. I want to live the rest of my life as a faithful Christian but I fear I've disqualified myself from the faith or in better words become a castaway. I fear I've been given over to a reprobate mind.

I've finally had some lasting victory over pornography/masturbation. Asked God to never ever let me do those sins again. Still get tempted but I try to remind myself to flee from sexual immorality and I have been successful. My other sins I was able to ditch very quickly.

I try to place my faith in Christ and his sacrifice and then Hebrews 10:26-31 pops up in my mind. No more sacrifice for my sins remain? I try to love people but then Hebrews 6 come to mind and then I wonder if my repentance is fake and if I am Esau. 2 Peter 19-21 pops up in my mind. 2 Timothy 2(I think) comes to mind where I've been disqualified. Goes on forever. So many verses condemning me. Even Ezekiel has a verse that condemns me.

Honestly this is such a harsh punishment even though I know I deserve it. I miss God and his Holy Spirit. I miss bearing fruit. I miss having assurance that if I died tonight, I'd be going to heaven. I keep thinking about eternity in torment by demons and my parents being in heaven completely forgotten me for all of eternity. Being unable to pray to God seperated from Him forever.

Just to let you know, you are not alone brother. I have also struggled with sin as we all do but remember that Jesus is our Lord and Savior and it is all about Him. Jesus loves you and if you ever need to talk you can send me a message. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[redleghunter]

Brother, what I read above is a contrite repentant heart. Apostates have no remorse and become enemies of Christ. Rejoice in His Grace which brought you back.

The apostasy mentioned in Hebrews is in context those who thought they needed more than the sacrifice of Christ to be saved . They were falling into their previous Jewish rituals adding them to the Atonement of Christ. It was Jesus plus something else. When one adds to the finished works of Christ they make void the Atonement. That is the heresy and warning.

The Good Shepherd has brought you back. Walk in the Spirit and you will have the fruits of the Holy Spirit abundantly which produce the works which please our God.

Praying.

 

[Pilgrim]

Brother, We lift you up in our prayers to our Father in Heaven. Cast your burden on the LORD, the lifter of our heads, And He shall sustain you. Glory to God. His will be done. In Jesus' name. Amen.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

"Traditional factors that once explained men’s sexual difficulties appear insufficient to account for the sharp rise in erectile dysfunction, delayed [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], decreased sexual satisfaction, and diminished libido during partnered sex in men under 40. This review (1) considers data from multiple domains, e.g., clinical, biological (addiction/urology), psychological (sexual conditioning), sociological; and (2) presents a series of clinical reports, all with the aim of proposing a possible direction for future research of this phenomenon. Alterations to the brain's motivational system are explored as a possible etiology underlying pornography-related sexual dysfunctions. This review also considers evidence that Internet pornography’s unique properties (limitless novelty, potential for easy escalation to more extreme material, video format, etc.) may be potent enough to condition sexual arousal to aspects of Internet pornography use that do not readily transition to real-life partners, such that sex with desired partners may not register as meeting expectations and arousal declines. Clinical reports suggest that terminating Internet pornography use is sometimes sufficient to reverse negative effects, underscoring the need for extensive investigation using methodologies that have subjects remove the variable of Internet pornography use."https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/

 

[Invalidusername]

Brother, what I read above is a contrite repentant heart. Apostates have no remorse and become enemies of Christ. Rejoice in His Grace which brought you back.

The apostasy mentioned in Hebrews is in context those who thought they needed more than the sacrifice of Christ to be saved . They were falling into their previous Jewish rituals adding them to the Atonement of Christ. It was Jesus plus something else. When one adds to the finished works of Christ they make void the Atonement. That is the heresy and warning.

The Good Shepherd has brought you back. Walk in the Spirit and you will have the fruits of the Holy Spirit abundantly which produce the works which please our God.

Praying.

The problem is my repentance was from fear and a desire to change my life around. It was nothing like my original repentance that got me saved. That one was guided by the Spirit. 2nd one was by my own effort. This makes me think it is fake. I remember the Holy Spirit convicting me of sin then after a while I stopped feeling it as I persisted in sin.

 

[Invalidusername]

Just to let you know, you are not alone brother. I have also struggled with sin as we all do but remember that Jesus is our Lord and Savior and it is all about Him. Jesus loves you and if you ever need to talk you can send me a message. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

I didn't struggle with it though. I gave into it and enjoyed it.

 

[redleghunter]

The problem is my repentance was from fear and a desire to change my life around. It was nothing like my original repentance that got me saved. That one was guided by the Spirit. 2nd one was by my own effort. This makes me think it is fake. I remember the Holy Spirit convicting me of sin then after a while I stopped feeling it as I persisted in sin.

God can use fear to chastise His loved children to repent.

Here's my advice Brother. Return to your first Love Christ. When we lose our way or doubt we must return to the Cross and Empty Tomb. There you will find the Grace which first set you free.

Is anything too Great for Christ? If we say yes, that is the heart that leads to your verses. If we say no, then the angels in heaven rejoice of your return.

 

[Ron in NY]

We all struggle in our own way, both with sin and repentance. Step one is to turn to Jesus, step 2 is to work on everything else. God bless.

 

[Invalidusername]

God can use fear to chastise His loved children to repent.

Here's my advice Brother. Return to your first Love Christ. When we lose our way or doubt we must return to the Cross and Empty Tomb. There you will find the Grace which first set you free.

Is anything too Great for Christ? If we say yes, that is the heart that leads to your verses. If we say no, then the angels in heaven rejoice of your return.

My understanding is if you fall out of the covenant, Christ has to die for you a 2nd time.

Yes nothing is too great for Christ but he sets up restrictions. Demons were not given a chance to repent. Regenerated people who turn away also are not given a chance to repent.

I hope I am wrong. I try to put my faith in Christ but I have a deep seated condemnation that continues to crawl back to me. Paul says that the Spirit testifies to people that they are God's children. I do not have that anymore.

 

[Valetic]

Regenerated people who turn away also are not given a chance to repent.

I hope this is wrong because if it isn't I am doomed

 

[God is good]

I didn't struggle with it though. I gave into it and enjoyed it.

I used to do the same thing but Jesus set me free and He can set you free. I believe that the reason you feel bad about it now is because it could be the Holy Spirit showing you the sin, just like He did with me. Jesus loves you and He literally died for us, He can remove all of our sins. God loves you and Jesus is our Lord and Savior.

 

[Invalidusername]

I hope this is wrong because if it isn't I am doomed

Don't pay attention to me. Also I have a feeling you sinned less than me. Just search after God. He is merciful. I am searching for Him and I refuse to give up hope. While I believe we can cross a line, his grace is massive.

I used to do the same thing but Jesus set me free and He can set you free. I believe that the reason you feel bad about it now is because it could be the Holy Spirit showing you the sin, just like He did with me. Jesus loves you and He literally died for us, He can remove all of our sins. God loves you and Jesus is our Lord and Savior.

That is one interesting thing that happened. After I started shedding off my sins, I got hit with a veil of despair where I was able to see my sins with perfect clarity. I even recognised sins that I was too blind to see before such as hatred, judgmental attitudes, and being unforgiving. Then the condemnation hit. Then I started to remember every single sin that I had committed and I was stricken with intense depression where I was unable to get out of bed at mornings. This has lasted for 2 months with no relief.

 

[paul1149]

My understanding is if you fall out of the covenant, Christ has to die for you a 2nd time.

The tense of the verb to sin in Heb 10.26 is present participle. That means action currently occurring. Most modern translations bring this out by rendering it, "sinning" rather than "sin". Some even have, "keep on sinning". The NET version really wants to make it clear, with "deliberately keep on sinning".

It's a similar dynamic to the verse about putting one's hand to the plow and looking back. It's not a one-time glance backward, as with Lot's wife. The letter kills, the spirit gives life. It's that while you have your head turned backward, you can't plow straight rows. You're not "worthy" of the Kingdom at that point. The solution? Turn your head in the direction you're going in and start plowing straight rows again.

What the writer of Hebrews is saying is that while you are deliberately sinning, the Sacrifice is doing you no good. He is not precluding the possibility of repentance.

As for your motivation for repenting, you can get stuck on self-doubt for the rest of your life. When Peter was sinking beneath the waves, he cried out for salvation. It was entirely self-interested. And it was entirely appropriate. And the Lord honored it. Fear and self-interest are entirely legitimate reasons to get saved. But a 30 year old man acting like a toddler is not a pretty sight. We don't want to stay at our initial level.

Start where you are. You are you, with your own personal history. The Lord can use ALL things for good if we let Him. It takes the kind of faith described in Heb 11.6 (the same writer who wrote your problem verse, BTW). Maybe your initial salvation experience didn't go as deep as you thought. Or more probably, according to the parable of the sower, you hit a major chuck on ledge rock. It happens. Do you think the Lord Jesus is going to cast you off permanently for that, if you sincerely desire to get back in the game and start working that field? No!

Accept the way your heart is, accept the grace of the Lord Jesus, and then get busy honoring Him and get back in the game, running the race for the prize of the high(er) call.

It would be a shame if you only continued to look at your situation hopelessly. Instead, have faith in God! Do not waste a minute on what is past and over. Press on toward the high call (Php 3). Give James 4 a read.

 

[God is good]

I am really sorry that you're going through this but remember, we are all sinners and we all need Jesus just as much as everybody. You are very loved. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[redleghunter]

My understanding is if you fall out of the covenant, Christ has to die for you a 2nd time.

Where does it say that?

 

[Invalidusername]

Where does it say that?

That's my limited understanding of Hebrews 6. Where you re-crucify Christ to yourself. To me, it's almost like they rendered the original crucifixion useless by their rejection by trampling on the cross and treating it as an unholy thing. Such rejection has no forgiveness or more accurately no repentance. Am I on the right track here?

And to push it even further, Hebrews 10:26-31 also includes a phrase that says "insulted the Spirit of grace." Is it possible that this is a description of the blasphemy of the Spirit?

Correct me if I am wrong. These are very difficult passages for me to understand and there's like 30 different "theories" on them.

 

[Invalidusername]

The tense of the verb to sin in Heb 10.26 is present participle. That means action currently occurring. Most modern translations bring this out by rendering it, "sinning" rather than "sin". Some even have, "keep on sinning". The NET version really wants to make it clear, with "deliberately keep on sinning".

It's a similar dynamic to the verse about putting one's hand to the plow and looking back. It's not a one-time glance backward, as with Lot's wife. The letter kills, the spirit gives life. It's that while you have your head turned backward, you can't plow straight rows. You're not "worthy" of the Kingdom at that point. The solution? Turn your head in the direction you're going in and start plowing straight rows again.

What the writer of Hebrews is saying is that while you are deliberately sinning, the Sacrifice is doing you no good. He is not precluding the possibility of repentance.

As for your motivation for repenting, you can get stuck on self-doubt for the rest of your life. When Peter was sinking beneath the waves, he cried out for salvation. It was entirely self-interested. And it was entirely appropriate. And the Lord honored it. Fear and self-interest are entirely legitimate reasons to get saved. But a 30 year old man acting like a toddler is not a pretty sight. We don't want to stay at our initial level.

Start where you are. You are you, with your own personal history. The Lord can use ALL things for good if we let Him. It takes the kind of faith described in Heb 11.6 (the same writer who wrote your problem verse, BTW). Maybe your initial salvation experience didn't go as deep as you thought. Or more probably, according to the parable of the sower, you hit a major chuck on ledge rock. It happens. Do you think the Lord Jesus is going to cast you off permanently for that, if you sincerely desire to get back in the game and start working that field? No!

Accept the way your heart is, accept the grace of the Lord Jesus, and then get busy honoring Him and get back in the game, running the race for the prize of the high(er) call.

It would be a shame if you only continued to look at your situation hopelessly. Instead, have faith in God! Do not waste a minute on what is past and over. Press on toward the high call (Php 3). Give James 4 a read.

You're right. I can keep finding reasons to doubt forever. I will work on my faith in Christ's complete work. Thanks for your words.

I am really sorry that you're going through this but remember, we are all sinners and we all need Jesus just as much as everybody. You are very loved. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

Thank you friend.

 

[Blood Bought 1953]

Bad teaching leads to these doubts and fears.if you truly want help it is out there.Please, for your own sake , google Andrew Farley or check out getgodsgift.org......you do not have to live a wretched Christian life .....it is not what your Father wants for you.....make it your life’s goal to know how to truly Sabbath.....that Is resting in the finished work of Christ. God bless

 

[God is good]

You're right. I can keep finding reasons to doubt forever. I will work on my faith in Christ's complete work. Thanks for your words.



Thank you friend.

Your welcome, God loves you and Jesus is Lord.