Hey Guys! I've not posted much because I've been homeschooling my son for the first time. It is definitely a challenge! That's putting it lightly. This is a very long post. I'll warn you in advance. I have a very strong-willed child who is determined he's not going to do certain things and I so hate getting into power struggles with him. I'm reading a book I picked up at a yard sale that seems very beneficial. I have tons of books however, and I will start reading them, get overwhelmed with trying to try everything it says, and then revert back to my yo-yo parenting style. I'm either too strict or too much of a pushover, even when trying to be strict. I know ocd doesn't help! Parenting is difficult enough without that! I blow it so much of the time that I wake up at night agonizing over my parental failures and how it is effecting my son. I do have a tendency to blow up when I'm just at my witts end. Yet, at times, it's as if I can think calmly and rationally and admister wise consequences. I hate being like this!!! I know everyone gets frustrated, but I sit and agonize over my obvious failures, and think that those feelings of frustration will help prevent me from making the same mistakes again. Of course, only to fall back into the same pattern. I see that my husband and I must come together (I'm planning on the both of us reading from this book and making plans on how to parent our son as a team) for anything to change. Something else that has made parenting so much more complicated is that we rent a house right next door to my in-laws. My husband is their only child, so our son is their only grandchild. It used to drive me nuts trying to establish rules in my own household (I had a tendency to go overboard with this and not make boundaries clear to myself or my son), yet there were practically NO rules at the grandparent's house. It may not effect some children much to be spoiled by their grandparents, but it's different when you could practically spit in their window from home because you live so close. We are now all trying to pull together to settle more definite boundaries for my son, but I know so much damage has been done already. I keep telling myself that I can't change the past, only the future. But, the guilt is huge and the fact that it hasn't changed yet is so discouraging. I've never felt as if I could administer consequenses effectively. For example, if my son didn't do his chores, he didn't get allowance. Well, he would go to his grandparents and ask for money and they'd give it to him. It's so hard to tell them everything that's going on in our home to ensure they won't somehow undermine our parental authority. I've tried, but when 4 adults are involved as opposed as just the 2 parents, it's so much harder! I've not allowed him to go next door before as a consequence, but until just recently I think I've always been looked at as the bad guy by grandparents and my son would really play it out for what it was worth in front of them and it could get really bad. I never did handle it well, always felt as if I was on the defense, and usually just responded in anger toward everyone. Then, of course, I would lose the respect of my son for not acting in a sensible and controlled manner. My in-laws just thought I was way too overbearing. I was and still am I guess in many ways, but didn't know and still struggle with knowing how to handle it. They used to have to watch him while I was at work, so I really didn't have much option about leaving him with them. So many things have happened in the past. Another example is the very first time he was disciplined (around the age of 18 months). I kept telling him "no" about climbing the stairs. Finally, I put him in his playpen and took out his toys. My mother-in-law was there and kept scolding my husband and me in front of our son for what she thought was being cruel. She went to him in the playpen and told him how sorry she was and that his mommy and daddy wouldn't let her get him out. Another instance is when I overheard my son asking his grandfather to buy him a lego Star Wars set. His grandfather told him that he would have to wait until payday. He kept on and I told him that his grandfather had already given him an answer. All the toys that have been bought for my son in the past and the disagreements concerning that is another story in itself! I didn't say "no", but simply told my son that he needed to wait like his papaw had said. He wasn't content to wait and kept on asking. His grandfather followed him inside our house because my son was pouting. How very terrible that he pout and be upset with him! Of course, I'm being sarcastic. My father-in-law followed him into my son's room where my son continued to have a little fit. I finally said that there would be no toy bought because if he was unwilling to wait, then he couldn't have it at all. My father-in-law continued to pet on him, even after I requested that he leave him alone so that my son could get over it. I requested this 2 or 3 times to no avail. My father-in-law stayed in our house in my son's bedroom with him and petted him. A couple of days later, a new lego Star Wars ship was bought for my son by him. He kept it at his house. I asked if it was the one my son had requested and he said it wasn't. But, this is how they have somehow shown my son to manipulate and undermine what we say. I just have not known how to handle things like this. Maybe someone without ocd wouldn't have such a difficult time, but I have lived angry for years and need much prayer concerning this. So much has happened. I need God to help me to forgive and effectively handle the explosive feelings. I have gone so overboard in disciplining many times, but I've felt so much that my parental authority has been stripped from me. I would struggle enough trying to be a good parent without all of this extra burden. I've prayed and prayed about moving, about God helping me to respond better, etc., for years. I've even asked my mother to pray about God making a way for us to move. My husband has refused to budge concerning that. Sometimes I've come to the point of thinking that God evidently has things for me to learn while I'm in this situation. Now it seems I'm actually learning to open up and say what's bothering me or ask my in-laws for help in certain areas with Zachary. Our parenting styles are so different and my son has suffered for it. My husband's parents, to my knowledge, don't profess to be Christians, so it's made it even more difficult to try to "train my child up in the way he should go" when I've been the main one who actually expected him to listen to anything. I know I've handled things so wrong in the past, so I'm asking for prayer on behalf of my child and me. Our relationshiop needs healing. Every now and again, we seem close. I'm trying to figure out how to be a parent first before a friend. It sure hurts when my child and I are at such odds with one another. Homeschooling is an effort to bond us and to help him since he was having meltdowns about school for the past several years. I request your prayers for my husband and me to be the parents God desires for us to be, to take back our parental authority, for a successful homeschool, and for my son's and my relationship to be restored. I desire more than anything for him to know Jesus personally, and from my failures I fear I've given him a very poor image of Him. Please pray for us all. I need a forgiving heart not to blame my in-laws for my son's problems and my parenting problems. It's my and my husbsand's responsibilty to be the parents God has called us to be. I know this has been a very long post, but I appreciate you taking the time to read it and I request your prayers for my family and me.
Rebecca
Rebecca
Sounds like your being too hard on yourself. Theres no such thing as this "perfect" parent except for our Heavenly Father 
