Struggling Very Badly

nicknack said:

I am a christian by heart, although I may not attend church or read the bible. I still pray if I remember, I feel that I believe but temptations always breaks this faith from God.

I am 16 and I am struggling with masturbation, porn and also I have thoughts about homosexuality for this past year. This thoughts plague me everyday when I don't feel like it. I know I am not one, I detest one. Admittedly, I even hate them and do not like to be in contact with anyone who is gay. I feel very uncomfortable with the fact that people accept it. So, I know I am not gay by nature but that satan is trying to destroy me. I try to distract myself, but it slips in sometimes.

I also struggle with porn, especially in situations when I am alone at home. It is very bad, I feel extremely shameful of it. I don't know how to give it up totally. I tried, it only lasted less than a month and I am back. What should I do? My mind is constantly finding excuses to view porn with no guilt. I feel so much shame for me and to God.

As for masturbation, I find it no problem with christianity. But the fact mine has become a daily addiction makes me think it is a problem now. I do not feel any guilt in this case. But I know it is the source of temptation by doing this, especially on this rountinal basis.

Can anyone please guide me? Please? I am trying so hard. I pray every night for help. I pray when the thoughts come and invade me. I am not losing faith but rather, hope in myself. Furthermore, I have told my girlfriend about this and promised her but I broke it. I feel so bad about it. I really hope to change for myself, God and my girlfriend.

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Hello brother, let me say just a couple of things. First and foremost, I will be praying for you.
A couple of suggestions. You need accountability partners. I would suggest a youth group at a local church, but someone needs to help you with the porn. I assume that it is online porn? If that is the case, have an accountability partner install the proper filters on your computer and control the password, check up on you and so forth.
As to the homosexual thoughts, it's probably just normal 16 year old stuff--I wouldn't worry about it. The porn (if there are men and women in the pictures) can lead to some thoughts, so deal with the porn first.
If you feel masturbation is controlling you, seek counseling. However, again, the porn may be contributing to too much masturbation, so dealing with it first may control a lot of issues.
Find someone to talk to live and in person who can hold you accountable
God bless

Hi

I think it's great that you acknowledge your sin and have even brought it up with ur girlfriend and on this forum. It shows that you don't want to gloss it over, but you sincerely want God to help you deal with this area of your life.

Have U thought about seeing a Christian counsellor? Do you have pastors or people at your church who you feel comfortable about confiding in? If you have the courage to bring it into the light with such people, they can rally along side you and pray for you and be really supportive.

I was struggling with things of a similar nature awhile ago.

This year was going to be my big year for God, i was going to make God proud. Well, i've stuffed up worse than ever, more than i did in 5 years away from God. When i did, i put myself through this big guilt thing to make sure i felt guilty enough and because i didn't want to take my sin lightly. U know when you've done something wrong by someone and U can't look them in the eye? Well, that's how i was with God.

But one night, i was walking home in the rain at 3am. I'd been really bad, and i just felt like giving up. It's times like these i usually avoid God. But i started talking to Jesus. I got real with Him. I didn't say the correct Christian things you should say when U repent, i didn't promise not to do it again. I didn't have the right Christian attitudes. I just got real. I said "Jesus, i know what i'm doing is wrong. I know it. You've delivered me from so much, and i have an exciting future in you. There are so many things to be grateful for, but if i really had faith, and if i was really sorry, i wouldn't be where i am now. I don't know why i keep doing this, i think i'm trying to fool myself into thinking this is love." I can't remember exactly what i said, but this was where i was at.

As i was walking home in the rain, i felt the tangible presence of Jesus. He was walking beside me in the rain, and He was smiling. Smiling!! Because i was talking to Him. I was really giving Him my heart, not what i knew was the correct things to say, or where i should be at by now.

God created us for relationship. Jesus suffered and died to bring us back into relationship with Him. It's times like these we need to get real with Him, He wants to walk with us in the good times and the bad.

He is ready to take away all your sin and shame whenever you're ready to give it to Him. Shame isn't going to help you take it more seriously or prevent you from doing it again. It's truly the power of His love and grace that changed me.

Check out 1 John 1:6 (i'm having trouble finding it, i'll come back later and paste it here)

I hope i helped you in some way, and i'll definately keep u in prayer, i'm not just saying that either!

phoenix_kid82

Nick - first off, good on you for seeking a solution. It can be hard sometimes to reach out to others and risk them being nasty or cruel.

Are you still struggling with depression, or have you found that the struggle against sexual temptation (or the giving in to it) has kind of replaced the depression?

My advice is -

- If AT ALL possible (and I know it can be difficult when you're living at home and underage), find a counsellor, preferably a christian one. Sometimes if a person's in desperate need of counselling (and it sounds like you are), a counsellor will see the person for free or for low cost. Your doctor may be able to help, and is bound by law not to talk to your family about what you tell him/her in confidence.

- Make the effort (and I know this can be hard too, esp. when life is tough) and go to church. If necessary, keep going to a different church every week till you find one. OR just ring around and find a church with a sexual addiction/temptation support group - that'll tell you they're likely to be accepting and able to help you out.

- Join an internet support group. Preferably one with at least a couple of christian counsellors as members. DO NOT give your personal details, though.

It sounds like you're trying to deal with the surface problem - the porn etc - and maybe you need to be working out WHY you have such a problem with this stuff, what causes you to keep going back to it etc... and deal with THAT stuff. Which, frankly, could be pretty painful - but it's well worth it. God has the power to break all our chains... but it can be a pretty long process sometimes. God is thorough - he wants you fully healed, not just behaving yourself.

God bless, and I hope this helps.

believe me i understand completely, i too took the course if it is the one from settingcaptivesfree.....i took it twice, it did some work in me...i still do touch too much....but am so much better, my self concept of myself has improved and i know god loves me..loneliness was a big thing for me as well as boredom...that is when i would touch the most..so try to keep busy and get involved in something good where you are giving out....

InTheFlame said:

It sounds like you're trying to deal with the surface problem - the porn etc - and maybe you need to be working out WHY you have such a problem with this stuff, what causes you to keep going back to it etc... and deal with THAT stuff. Which, frankly, could be pretty painful - but it's well worth it. God has the power to break all our chains... but it can be a pretty long process sometimes. God is thorough - he wants you fully healed, not just behaving yourself.

God bless, and I hope this helps.

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Flame's last suggestion is really important. Understanding WHY you do what you do is key. Self-gratification is easy to fall into when you're depressed, lonely, tired, stressed, or uncertain of your status with GOD. Most of all, don't let this get in the way of your relationship with God. Take responsibility for your actions and get whatever help and support you need. I feel certain that no one here will condemn or ridicule you. Just keep faith that through Jesus you'll be able to overcome any temptation.

nicknack said:

I am a christian by heart, although I may not attend church or read the bible. I still pray if I remember, I feel that I believe but temptations always breaks this faith from God.

I am 16 and I am struggling with masturbation, porn and also I have thoughts about homosexuality for this past year. This thoughts plague me everyday when I don't feel like it. I know I am not one, I detest one. Admittedly, I even hate them and do not like to be in contact with anyone who is gay. I feel very uncomfortable with the fact that people accept it. So, I know I am not gay by nature but that satan is trying to destroy me. I try to distract myself, but it slips in sometimes.

I also struggle with porn, especially in situations when I am alone at home. It is very bad, I feel extremely shameful of it. I don't know how to give it up totally. I tried, it only lasted less than a month and I am back. What should I do? My mind is constantly finding excuses to view porn with no guilt. I feel so much shame for me and to God.

As for masturbation, I find it no problem with christianity. But the fact mine has become a daily addiction makes me think it is a problem now. I do not feel any guilt in this case. But I know it is the source of temptation by doing this, especially on this rountinal basis.

Can anyone please guide me? Please? I am trying so hard. I pray every night for help. I pray when the thoughts come and invade me. I am not losing faith but rather, hope in myself. Furthermore, I have told my girlfriend about this and promised her but I broke it. I feel so bad about it. I really hope to change for myself, God and my girlfriend.

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Brother, I struggled with a heavy masturbation addiction for many years. I can you this. Porn feeds masturbation and masturbation feeds porn. If you want to break this cycle, you have to surrender both the Lord. This is not easy. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and it would have been impossible without Christ! If you like I will try to help you break free. The longer you wait the more all this stuff gets engrained into you and the harder it will be to break free.

Remember too....no matter what happens Christ still loves you!

Your brother in Christ,

Royce.

Well I will pray for you and ask God to hlep you . just keep reading the bible and go talk to your youth pastor he can hlep you .
brother I will be praying for you . Find some friends at church that can hlep you ask them to pray for you.

Start looking for a church to go to and start to read your Bible daily. Don't only pray when you are in need of help but have a good relationship with God. Each time when you pray, you don't only ask for help but submit yourself to the Lord. I agree with the posters here that porn leads to masturbation and it's very unhealthy to visit these porn sites. It's also not easy to just stop totally from such addiction because what you are encountering is struggling with your own flesh. You need to seek for a Christian counselor to help you out and get them to pray for you. Surely, we are all for you over here but you, yourself need to do something as well. Focus your mind on the Lord and learn more of God.

Nicknack,

When you put your focus on Jesus, you'll want to be Holy like Him. One thing is to pray about these lustful feelings, and tell them to go away because you don't need them.
Remember that the Holy Spirit dwells within our bodies, created for GOd a clean and holy heart. Focus!!! On your purpose here on life. Tell God to take away these lustful thoughts. And stop yourself everytime it happens. Avoid hanging with people who encourage you to watch these films, and don't even go near the films....Stay away....everytime you fell like you're going to sin....stop and read the Bible.....you should attend church too and get involved....A lot of people keep forgetting that God is watching and he knows all..... make yourself respect yourself....God bless...Remember that God is merciful, and he forgives.....ask for forgiveness, and let the Holy spirit guide you onto the path of righteousness. ....tell the devil, that you will not do want he wants you to do,...tell him that lust can control you no more, and that he can never win.... because God is on your side, as long as you keep your focus on God, don't listen to bad voices in your head....learn to automatically change the subject when you feel the urge to sin..............say outloud, "No, I won't do it, because I will do God's will, not mine." Or, "I love you Lord, thank you for reminding me everytime I'm about to sin, help me and guide me to do your will." You can ask the Lord to give you this strenght, and deny these sinnful feelings when you feel them. Tell them that you want nothing to do with sin.... then be happy everytime you notice that you overcame a temptation, because I know the Lord is. He loves you, and you are his child. Our purpose here on earth is to do His will, keep on focusing! God bless...

The best thing to help you is to talk to people, not just in forums but in real life. Talk to your parents about it, I'm sure they've been through it as well. I know it can be hard especially for teenagers to control it.

VivDaGurl said:

Start looking for a church to go to and start to read your Bible daily. Don't only pray when you are in need of help but have a good relationship with God. Each time when you pray, you don't only ask for help but submit yourself to the Lord. I agree with the posters here that porn leads to masturbation and it's very unhealthy to visit these porn sites. It's also not easy to just stop totally from such addiction because what you are encountering is struggling with your own flesh. You need to seek for a Christian counselor to help you out and get them to pray for you. Surely, we are all for you over here but you, yourself need to do something as well. Focus your mind on the Lord and learn more of God.

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Like she says, remove the stimulus (cause) and prevent the reaction (effect). If porn leads to homosexual thoughts or otherwise heterosexual fantasies, stop looking at it! Tell your parents, get them to block those bad websites. Personally I've seen plenty of porn but for me to react sexually to those pictures ... I did that to underwear advertisements and pictures I'd drawn of naked women before I became a Christian and came away disgusted. Not to mention frightened that my parents would find out.

If masturbating to porn doesn't disgust you anymore, make sure you block those websites. That's the best way to stop it at that point.