Struggling - New Here

[ConcreteAngel]

Hi, I'm new here and a bit scared about posting. I've been reading some of the postings on this forum for a few weeks now. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents until I was about 19 (I'm only 21 now) and I still live at home. I've just started to work through all of the issues I have. Until I started reading this forum and doing some other reading, I just thought I was mad and the only person who had the feelings that I do. I started working on this stuff with my psych and it has made me feel like I don't even know who I am anymore and I feel like i just can't cope with it all. It's just too hard. I want to just bury it all again but I can't. I really hate myself to the core of my being and just can't cope with all these feelings. I just feel trapped because I'm still at home and I have to pretend that everything's OK when it's not OK. I love my parents so it's easier just to be angry with myself. I'm so confused and I just don't know how I will get through this.

Any feedback would be great.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Hi, I'm new here and a bit scared about posting. I've been reading some of the postings on this forum for a few weeks now. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents until I was about 19 (I'm only 21 now) and I still live at home. I've just started to work through all of the issues I have. Until I started reading this forum and doing some other reading, I just thought I was mad and the only person who had the feelings that I do. I started working on this stuff with my psych and it has made me feel like I don't even know who I am anymore and I feel like i just can't cope with it all. It's just too hard. I want to just bury it all again but I can't. I really hate myself to the core of my being and just can't cope with all these feelings. I just feel trapped because I'm still at home and I have to pretend that everything's OK when it's not OK. I love my parents so it's easier just to be angry with myself. I'm so confused and I just don't know how I will get through this.

Any feedback would be great.

Hi there! Welcome to CF for one thing.

and for another thing, I understand partly where you are coming from. I can strongly relate to not knowing how to deal with it, and about self hatred, and just burying it again.
But one thing i've learned is not to run from your problems.

I did that for so long, and it catches up to you.

stay strong

NoddaProbBob

 

[rocklife]

I'm not sure if I can say anything to help

I just want to let you know I'm praying for you



forgiveness and taking things one day at a time are some ways that really helped me

 

[FallingWaters]

Hi, I'm new here and a bit scared about posting. I've been reading some of the postings on this forum for a few weeks now. I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents until I was about 19 (I'm only 21 now) and I still live at home. I've just started to work through all of the issues I have. Until I started reading this forum and doing some other reading, I just thought I was mad and the only person who had the feelings that I do. I started working on this stuff with my psych and it has made me feel like I don't even know who I am anymore and I feel like i just can't cope with it all. It's just too hard. I want to just bury it all again but I can't. I really hate myself to the core of my being and just can't cope with all these feelings. I just feel trapped because I'm still at home and I have to pretend that everything's OK when it's not OK. I love my parents so it's easier just to be angry with myself. I'm so confused and I just don't know how I will get through this.

Any feedback would be great.

Hi. Welcome to CF.

Keep leaning on God for your recovery. What's really nice is that He knows how much we can take, and every so often we get a break from it. Stay close to HIm. He loves you and delights in you!

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Thank you for your words. Yes, I do read God's Word...well, I used to every single day...but lately I've been so depressed that I just feel like I'm not good enough. I often look at my Bible but just feel like I am too horrible for God to love. I know I need to lean on God, but I have huge issues with control...like I'm always trying to keep control of my life from God...it's so hard to let go.

 

[encouraging loves animals]

Hi there
Welcome to CF.
I want you to know you are not alone.

 

[rikkitikkitavi]

In the past, I have on occasion, burnt myself with a lighter when I felt overwhelmed with emotion. It was like the frustration needed an escape, and since I was angry with myself, that's where I directed it. That was before I learned to give it to God. I know this is hard, since we've learned a very hard lesson in life. We've learned that sometimes that sometimes trusting gets us hurt. But God will never hurt us. He loves us very much and we are very special to him. It isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself. Give it to God and let Him bring peace and joy into your life.

 

[Surviving]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going throught this. I won't say I know how you feel as I have not been in a situation like yours. I have been abused in other ways, but not by my parents.

You are not mad...and you are not alone in this. There are plenty of people here to support you in your journey. Don't be angry with yourself either. It is not your fault what has happened to you. Your parents, however much you loved them, were in the wrong with what they did. Just lean on God in these hard times and He will support you. You will get there.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Thank you all for your supportive words!

In Christ
Concrete Angel