Struggling in Death and Life

[Yusuphhai]

Thank you all a lot. I have a strange feeling that God have forsaken me and my parents. Depression is quite physiological, Brain nerves are quite chaos. I have to declare in the Name of Jesus Christ: Jesus died for me. God love me. God never forsake me. Jesus’s precious blood cleans all my sins. I am a son of God. I love God and His church. Satan can’t control me. I belong to Christ only. God like to heal me. I am a member of His church. God have won and I can win with Christ. I don’t trust all the lies of Satan. I will not commit suicide---

I am going to my church now.

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you all a lot. I have a strange feeling that God have forsaken me and my parents. Depression is quite physiological, Brain nerves are quite chaos. I have to declare in the Name of Jesus Christ: Jesus died for me. God love me. God never forsake me. Jesus’s precious blood cleans all my sins. I am a son of God. I love God and His church. Satan can’t control me. I belong to Christ only. God like to heal me. I am a member of His church. God have won and I can win with Christ. I don’t trust all the lies of Satan. I will not commit suicide---

I am going to my church now.

How hard it can be to remain in the faith at times, isn't it brother? We often have to remind ourselves of His divine truths so that we can keep perspective. i'm praying for you Yusuph? i know how hard it is to be mentally ill and to have to fight those constant lies of our depression. Grilling us for hours on end. Bringing much chaos, bringing much anxiety. Such is the nature of mental illness. It often renders us despair, hopelessness, anxiety, guilt, shame and fear. All because we look at ourselves and compare ourselves with others. Psalms 139 tells us better though.

We are precious to God and when He works His works in us is it not a miracle?

You Yusuph are a miracle of God's love in China. Even though you suffer deeply Christ carries you through it all. Pray The Lord to open your eyes so you may always see Him above your moments of doubts and unbelief. Put your faith in His love and see hope spring back to life within you - time and again. Such are the miracles of His love. Even rock bottom He is with us if we trust His love, easily at par with our suffering giving ability and taking inability away.

Keep seeking our triune God brother. Let His love comfort you in your distress.

Praying you may walk close to Jesus during this difficult time.

Psalms 139
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.


Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.


For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.


If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

[Yusuphhai]

I am still very low, I am suicidal. Sorry I can’t pray for you much. Please pray for me. Very thankful.

 

[Press On]

I am still very low, I am suicidal. Sorry I can’t pray for you much. Please pray for me. Very thankful.

Yusuph, when the destructive thoughts come, try to let them come and go. They are mind tricks that are very dangerous. Cling to God's Word and His promises, for they are the truth.
I had to deal with these thoughts not long ago. They seem to offer a way out, to get away from the pain, but it is a deceptive doorway. It is imperative you stand strong and lean on Christ. Nourish your body, get plenty of rest, and stay in the Word. Psalms can be particularly helpful. We are praying for you. Prayer is powerful.

 

[Yusuphhai]

Very thankful for your replies. Bipolar is extremely horrible. I feel depressed and mania at the same time, every day. Low self-esteem leads to suicide, how eagerly to cast out it. But after very temporary high self-esteem, I would fall into deeper depression. That is why my Bipolar can not be healed. Medicine can help, but can not heal.

Fortunately I have this group. CF Recovery is an amazing place. I have very precious brothers, e.g. Jeshu, Tempura, Press on etc. I like working here. I can tell my deepest pain here. With very precious love and care here I would not commit suicide.

Satan’s lies are hurting me, I doubt God’s faithfulness . I hate the fate God gives me. I don’t want to be bipolar. I am a burden of my parents. I can’t live by myself. My last hope is here. May God not forsake me.

Prayers are powerful. Please continually pray for me and my parents, help me go through this difficult time. Very thankful.

 

[Noxot]

our fate might seem bleak but it's part of the drama and story. being imperfect will give us the reward of an even greater perfection that perfection does not know and this perfection is the one Jesus told us to be, for our Father is also it.

 

[Yusuphhai]

our fate might seem bleak but it's part of the drama and story. being imperfect will give us the reward of an even greater perfection that perfection does not know and this perfection is the one Jesus told us to be, for our Father is also it.

I am shortsighted. I just exaggerate pain in this life but ignore the reward of life to come. My faith is hurt. May God help us.

 

[Jeshu]

I am shortsighted. I just exaggerate pain in this life but ignore the reward of life to come. My faith is hurt. May God help us.

Good life can be gained down here brother also for you in spite of your mental illness. For years i languished rock bottom eating the negativity of my depression giving in to the lies on a daily basis and filling myself up with bad life.

What you sow you shall harvest let this be your guide as it has been mine. See when you sow God's truth in your heart and build your inner being with the gifts of the holy Spirit then good life will come even if suffering endures down here.

It is about fighting the accuser when he slams us with our sins and rejoicing in Jesus and His sacrifice to liberate us from the power of death.

Fight the lies brother, fight all those forces that rob you of your good life and fight to enter narrow gate. i will tell you a secret brother. Many people who come to the narrow gate wont go through because they love this life too much. This is easier for us to do because our lives are hurting badly already any way. So to loose our lives is pleasant instead of painful.

Be of good courage brother bipolar is not all bad. God can get really good things out of this condition - truthfully loving hearts to make out of our suffering. He is making something beautiful out of you for here and now and for eternity

Peace.

Salvation in Christ.

Know your sin and misery,
then you will need Christ,
asking Jesus for a wash,
His blood cleansing.

God takes away your guilt,
and melts your shame away,
clearing the conscience,
creating a crystal sea.

The pure shall see God,
see Him seated on His throne,
all Heaven adores Him,
The Lamb who was slain.

The heart is ecstatic,
Praising Jesus Christ,
Seated on the mercy seat,
Leadership to The King!

All that is numbered,
is done away with,
evil rule dies,
The Accuser goes in the pit.

The Son of God
opens the seals
reveals the Chosen
who will be saved?

The Chosen are raised,
all who died in you,
come back to life,
Christ ruling your heart.

Peace and Rest rules,
The old is in charge of the new
The heart is transformed
and laughter restored.

 

[Yusuphhai]

Today I experienced horrible thinking. I felt I was forsaken by God. He hates me, I will be put into hell. He is a cruel God and lets Bipolar the very horrible disease torment me until I die. I want to suicide, I am meaningless ,low-self-esteem and worthless. I can’t love God, myself and others. I am in dangers. Maybe I need to add a little medicine.

But fortunately Recovery Section on CF is my last hope. I am not worthless. I need trust love of God and others. I can work for God and others. Build a rehabilitation room with friends together is my ideal. If I feel I am in this room, I would not commit suicide. Prayers are very appreciated. I love you all.

 

[Jeshu]

Today I experienced horrible thinking. I felt I was forsaken by God. He hates me, I will be put into hell. He is a cruel God and lets Bipolar the very horrible disease torment me until I die. I want to suicide, I am meaningless ,low-self-esteem and worthless. I can’t love God, myself and others. I am in dangers. Maybe I need to add a little medicine.

But fortunately Recovery Section on CF is my last hope. I am not worthless. I need trust love of God and others. I can work for God and others. Build a rehabilitation room with friends together is my ideal. If I feel I am in this room, I would not commit suicide. Prayers are very appreciated. I love you all.

How often haven't i experienced horrible thinking like you do and how hard it is to convince yourself it is not true. Medications can help but they can make t worse as well - it can be hard finding good medications. Keep searching though.

New research points to our guts as the cause of a lot of our troubles. Hopefully mainstream thinking picks up on this and helps mentally ill people onto good diets to restore their gut flora. A healthy gut seems to mean a healthy mind.

i did stop my intake of sugar and got rid of my candida this has improved my mental health a lot. i lost my racing thoughts and my high moods. Counselling helped me overcome my rage and without the rage my psychosis seems to be gone as well.

However i still get anxiety and depression and my depression can still get pretty bad. i found praying for others and thanking God for good times as well as praying Him to increase those during times of depression has always helped me overcome my depression. God has made me so much better to handle depressive times. i survive heaps better not looking at myself but looking at Jesus and thanking Him for taking my place.

i hope your depression will ease soon.

Much love your way.

 

[Yusuphhai]

How often haven't i experienced horrible thinking like you do and how hard it is to convince yourself it is not true. Medications can help but they can make t worse as well - it can be hard finding good medications. Keep searching though.

New research points to our guts as the cause of a lot of our troubles. Hopefully mainstream thinking picks up on this and helps mentally ill people onto good diets to restore their gut flora. A healthy gut seems to mean a healthy mind.

i did stop my intake of sugar and got rid of my candida this has improved my mental health a lot. i lost my racing thoughts and my high moods. Counselling helped me overcome my rage and without the rage my psychosis seems to be gone as well.

However i still get anxiety and depression and my depression can still get pretty bad. i found praying for others and thanking God for good times as well as praying Him to increase those during times of depression has always helped me overcome my depression. God has made me so much better to handle depressive times. i survive heaps better not looking at myself but looking at Jesus and thanking Him for taking my place.

i hope your depression will ease soon.

Much love your way.

Thanks for sharing brother.

 

[Yusuphhai]

I am thinking why man wants to kill himself, the image of God. Man wants to kill God. Satan tested Adam and Eve “You shall be like God”, they accepted this opinion. But of course God stopped their ambition. They hated God and wanted to kill God. The crucifixion of Jesus Christ represented Human want to kill God. Apostle Paul said by the literal meaning of Moses Laws(Torah) he was not blamed, but by the higher meaning of Torah (the righteousness of Christ) he was a great sinner. Why? He knew in the deep heart he hated Jesus the Son of God, he was blind. If man loves God, he would not want to kill himself.

 

[Jeshu]

If man loves God, he would not want to kill himself.

Yes when we are in the Love of God we don't do wrong. The issue is that the lies of our depression can overcome us and then we are not in love for God any more but dwell in misery. Misery calls to end it but misery sets a trap, we best be well aware of that, suicide hurts many people more than us and more misery comes around than was before.

i pray you stay in love of God brother and that the misery of your depression cannot overcome your faith in God's love.

How is it going in the workshop made some friends already?