Struggling and lost

[techprincess]

I am having a really hard time wanting to be in God's presence lately. I have been depressed about a lot of things that have happened and I feel stuck. In the past year and a half, I have been through a lot. I am just trying to figure out what it all means. I am only 23 and I just feel like I have been put in a position that I can't possibly wrap my head around.

In Dec 2009 I got Acute Pancreatitis an had to stay in the hospital for a week. After that, I was still sick for nearly three months. Shortly after, I learned my ex that I dated for three years and had recently broken up with decided to marry my childhood friend that he had been dating for 2 months. In July 2010, I was in a four alarm apartment fire that started on my floor and I was trapped inside until the fire fighters came to rescue me. The next month, I was hospitalized for a large blood clot in my leg that had traveled into my lungs. I was in critical care for a week and it took me 2 months to recover. I am now permanently on blood thinners (Coumadin) because I have 3 genetic bleeding disorders that cause my blood to clot very easily. All of these issues that I have had this year and last have made it so I have to go to the doctor at least once a week and I have been in and out of the ER with complications from my medications and medical issues.

After all this stuff happened I just feel like I shut down. I had to drop all of my classes twice because of the hospitalization. Now I am dealing with all of these bills from all the doctor visits, er visits, blood tests, etc. I know that I am being attacked and I just want to figure out how to beat this. I am so depressed and I have no way to pay for all of these bills and now all of the student loan companies are calling me telling me I have to start paying them too. I have a full-time retail job but it is not enough. I need prayer and I need to find the strength God has put inside me but I am having trouble finding it.

Another thing that is on my mind is my boyfriend. I love him but he does not know the Lord. He is very accepting of my faith and he is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know the bible says " do not be unequally yoked" but I can't let him go. He is the only good thing in my life right now and I have never felt so connected to someone. I don't know why I am writing all of this, I guess for advice and prayer. I just feel broken and indecisive.

 

[liesje]

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are here.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
~Psalm 139:7-10

It sounds like you've been through some rough times. I can't say I know how you feel, but just know that you are always in God's presence, even when you don't feel like it. You can talk to him anytime. I'm praying for you. If there's anything at all you want to talk about, feel free to let me know

 

[mahlalie]

Man, that's really unbelievably rough. I went through a lot a couple of years ago. It wasn't as much as you as there weren't any medical issues with longterm implications, but it was a really rough time in which I lost my girlfriend of 3.5 years, my car, my job, my band, my youth organization, and my college dropped my major within the space of a few months. If I didn't have a supporting family and a friend or two, I don't know what I would have done.

I won't condone your relationship with someone who's not a Christian, but I do get it. Like I said, I had family and a friend or two to help me get through.

Know that no matter what happens, God is worthy of our worship. That is what faith is: knowing that God knows what He's doing no matter how bad life gets and no matter how little we feel Him. It's not about wanting to be in His presence; it's about knowing He deserves it.

I'll be praying for you. Promise.

 

[child.of.god21]

I'm so sorry to hear all that. But God won't let you down, just don't give up. Keep praying, God will always be with you no matter what happens.

I will be praying for you also.

 

[news4thenonbeliever]

"A lifetimes full of hurt and life has just begun."
I don't remember where I heard that from, but it seems to fit perfectly.

About the unequaly yoked thought. I know it's in the Bible and I'm not going to fight it, but I have been in a relationship with someone who didn't believe. I prayed for him, almost everyday. He started coming to church with me, even though it was just to be with me, and he began to actually listen to what was being said. Long story short, he was saved about a year into our relationship.
That being said, talk to him, talk up Jesus! I'm sure you do already, but keep going. If you feel as strongly about him and it is His will, then it will happen. Talk to God about it.
Life is a struggle, but it is so worth it.