Struggling a lot with my mental health and desperate for help

[pantingdeer]

Hi my name is Andrew and I’m 20. In the past 3-4 years my life has fallen apart due to my mental health.
When I was growing up I took my christian faith seriously and believed 100% in God, Jesus, bible etc. When I was 15 I was friends with an atheist at my school and he never tried to discourage me or anything but we often debated about Christianity and I usually ended up with lots of questions I didn’t know answers too and I think slowly over time I stopped taking it so seriously, stopped going to church and forgot about it all. 5 years later, whenever I go to church every now and again I look around and no longer feel a connection and cannot feel emotion towards God.
Throughout my teenage years I always found it a bit hard to fit in and never had true friends I felt like I could count on. Even my dad mocked me for having no friends and I kinda believed him. This made me feel lonely and nowadays I’m very shy and find it hard to talk to a lot of people and so I usually end up getting in awkward situations where me and others intentionally ignore each other even though that’s not what I want. I want to be happy and have good friends.
Having a lack of friends made me sad but worse was to come.
Growing up I was always attracted to women and was physically attracted to them a lot but when I was 17 it felt like my feelings towards women stopped very suddenly and I have never since that day felt the way I used to. Now when I see attractive women I get very depressed as I don’t feel as I used to and instead I am afraid because I will forever be lonely. I’m not sure this is the case but the thought does creep into your mind - I also get a lot of anxiety that my sexuality changed and I’ll never be the same. The thought of this makes me so down I sometimes get thoughts about what it would be like if I was not here but there is no escape as I’ll then suffer in hell for eternity.
I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere anymore. People think I’m weird - I probably am. I get very nervous when people talk about women as I cant relate and also because I find it hard to talk to people anyway.

I am lonely and just want a friend and to feel normal again.

Thanks for reading this

 

[Brightmoon]

You sound like you’re depressed. I would try counseling. There’s also a book I could recommend The Highly Sensitive pPerson by Elaine Aron

 

[Yennora]

What is your value in front of yourself? Is it in being attracted to women or in others?

First of all you need to know that your value is in yourself. Your psyche might be different from the majority and that's why you don't get to find friends easily. However, trust me, it is not about quantity but quality.

How will you come to know those "right" friends?
1. You will find them through socializing. (participation)
2. You will know them through communication. (showing/being shown interest to/from others)

That is, if you participate in a church (not necessarily the one you wrote about in your previous threads), you might find many suitable potential friends there. But not only in the church! You might find that friend in a history-based community, science-based club, group of photography enthusiasts, car lovers!!

Plenty of clubs and groups to join BUT you have to sit with yourself first and know yourself. What do you like to do? What are your talents? What are you interested in? What do you strive for? What is valuable to you? What are your vision and mission in life? How will you contribute to others and to yourself?

I have to admit that my relationship with God was the main reason I was able to answer most of the questions above. I was too immature 6 years ago and a reckless person. Then through rethinking my life and approaching Christ I sat with myself and I decided to change. (I think that's a place where you need God's word and intervention in your life, to establish your moral values and ground, to know when can "right" be wrong and when can "wrong" be right, morality is far more complex than a list of "do's and do not's".)

I recommend the book "12 rules for life" from Dr. Jordan Peterson. You can also use his self authoring program. (however the book is just complimentary, you don't really need it to advance) Check this out: Psychologist Jordan Peterson wrote '12 Rules for Life'. And now they're going viral.

You need to know yourself, be confident and self-determined. You need to have goals and you need to understand that, again, your value is in yourself. Once you are confident enough to talk your mind and take bold decisions in your life you will see life differently. You will feel power.

If your worry behind your sexuality rises from the fact that you might never find your second half then that's very wrong. Not all women are sexual, some of them are ready to live a sexless life. (They are rare but they exist) Check this out: Asexuality - Wikipedia And some of them are not even asexual but extremely loyal so that they can put sex aside for you.

If you don't want a sexless marriage yourself you can see a professional and there might be a solution for you. However, this was never the end of the world. Life is not about sex. Relationships are not about sexual attraction. They are about understanding, coherence, harmony, respect, transparency..etc These are attributes of a relationship that are far more enjoyable and self-satisfactory than sex.

I think you might fit more with a romantic asexual. Finding her requires socializing though. Don't hide yourself, go into activities, be known.

 

[Yennora]

As for the book @Brightmoon suggested, I also suggest doing this test: Are You Highly Sensitive? – The Highly Sensitive Person found on the website of Dr. Elaine.

 

[Eternum]

It's too bad you became ungrounded in your faith, though it is understandable and it happens.

As a 36-year-old, what if I said a lot of what you're going through is normal? When I was in my teens and 20s, I felt a ton of instability and identity crisis. I was also very shy. I also didn't fit in. I struggled depression and with having good friends or close friends for a lot of reasons. My mom said that's the time when you're going through all the transition of becoming the adult you're going to be. She promised me that when I hit my 30s, I would look up one day and realize I no longer had those struggles. The answers would come.

She was right.

That's why I said it's understandable you became ungrounded in your faith. You are at the age of asking a lot of questions, figuring out who you are, where you fit, where you WANT to fit, and who you WANT to be.

So it sounds like a lot of normal things were allowed to spiral into some extremely negative places since you don't have a lot of support in these areas where you need them.

Start with where you are. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Everyone starts somewhere and takes a step. When someone smiles and says hi, just nod (or smile) and say hi back. If you look at someone and they look up and happen to catch your eye, just nod and acknowledge them. Just be willing to show people in small ways that you are responsive and let them start a conversation if they want to. It'll take practice, and it'll feel awkward. Awkward is human. But practice makes proficient and awkward will go away with getting used to things. It'll even become something you can laugh off as long as you don't take yourself too seriously.

You can also talk to people about literally anything. It's about getting out of your own head. I'm not very feminine, for example, but if a woman wants to talk to me about makeup, I am willing to discuss colors. I like colors. I can talk about colors. I won't know makeup brands, but I know colors. If I'm in my own head though, all I'll talk about is how women feel like they HAVE to wear makeup to be NORMAL when men don't have to and I hate makeup and it's not fair and blah, blah, blah and THAT is what creates an awkward atmosphere. That's not what she wants to hear. Usually. Some people are super cool about letting people be real around them, but most people are just looking for a peaceful interaction.

For now, don't worry about romance. Just practice connecting with people at all. I promise as you get used to interacting with the wide range of people that's out there, what you're feeling about women and your depression will improve. Right now, your confidence in yourself is shot, and it needs to be rebuilt. You get that back, and the other answers you're agonizing over right now will start coming together in a natural flow and order.

If possible, try to find something to become grounded in again like you were with your faith. It'll help a lot. I don't know if this will help you, but learning about personalities helped me, so I will send this little quiz your way.

Also, I'm willing to be a friend if you feel like I'm someone who could be a friend to you.

 

[anna ~ grace]

I don't think you're weird, Andrew. You sound like a lot of us who post often on CF.

I'm also very reserved, and don't make friends quickly. That's ok. It takes all types. Some Christians are very quiet, some are more outgoing.

 

[Rescued One]

Hi my name is Andrew and I’m 20. In the past 3-4 years my life has fallen apart due to my mental health.
When I was growing up I took my christian faith seriously and believed 100% in God, Jesus, bible etc. When I was 15 I was friends with an atheist at my school and he never tried to discourage me or anything but we often debated about Christianity and I usually ended up with lots of questions I didn’t know answers too and I think slowly over time I stopped taking it so seriously, stopped going to church and forgot about it all. 5 years later, whenever I go to church every now and again I look around and no longer feel a connection and cannot feel emotion towards God.

If you are severely depressed, it's almost impossible to feel joy. If you are on certain medications, you can become kind of numb to everything.

Throughout my teenage years I always found it a bit hard to fit in and never had true friends I felt like I could count on. Even my dad mocked me for having no friends and I kinda believed him.

Your father sounds like a verbally abusive person. A good father tries to be supportive and make you feel better about yourself. a good father would look for ways to encourage you. Don't retaliate. Instead of telling him he's not a good father, instead of thinking you can do something to change him, try to be busy with a hobby or reading or going for bike rides or something like that.

This made me feel lonely and nowadays I’m very shy and find it hard to talk to a lot of people and so I usually end up getting in awkward situations where me and others intentionally ignore each other even though that’s not what I want.

Of course, you feel this way! And there are probably hundreds or thousands, if not millions, of people who feel the same all over the earth.

Your imperfect parents either didn't have the skills or mental health to show you how to get along with people.

.I want to be happy and have good friends.
Having a lack of friends made me sad but worse was to come.
Growing up I was always attracted to women and was physically attracted to them a lot but when I was 17 it felt like my feelings towards women stopped very suddenly and I have never since that day felt the way I used to. Now when I see attractive women I get very depressed as I don’t feel as I used to and instead I am afraid because I will forever be lonely. I’m not sure this is the case but the thought does creep into your mind - I also get a lot of anxiety that my sexuality changed and I’ll never be the same. The thought of this makes me so down I sometimes get thoughts about what it would be like if I was not here but there is no escape as I’ll then suffer in hell for eternity.

Has someone instilled the fear of hell into you?

I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere anymore. People think I’m weird - I probably am. I get very nervous when people talk about women as I cant relate and also because I find it hard to talk to people anyway.

Weird can mean different things. Being interested in unique things can be weird to some people and interesting to others.

I am lonely and just want a friend and to feel normal again.

Thanks for reading this

I am here for the lonely people! I'm old enough to have learned a lot of things.

The mistakes I've made are talking too much about myself, and telling people things or places I don't like.

Great advice:

Don't complain, criticize, or condemn.
Dale Carnegie

I suggest developing a hobby; then you can look for friends who share that interest.


10 Tips to Make New Friends:

10 Tips to Make New Friends | Personal Excellence

Don't give up on church! Better yet, don't give up on God. He cares if you're sad or lonely and I doubt that He wants that for you.

 

[HowRU?]

Hello Andrew,
Hang in there brother. God loves you and we care about you as well.
When I was twenty I was all over the place emotionally, a social recluse, very uncertain about myself and my future, you name it. Ha!
My mother once told me that I’m a loser, and that I should just face it. I love my mom and forgave her for that one a long time ago. She was wrong!
I’m now married, with a nerd job i love in the space industry, and I’m highly respected. I have a twenty year old son of my own. He’s a smart guy, but gets stressed and intimidated by the things he’s stepping into with work and school, which all young people experience.
Also, I seriously doubt that you’re weirder than me.

 

[Rescued One]

My mother once told me that I’m a loser, and that I should just face it. I love my mom and forgave her for that one a long time ago. She was wrong!

Amen! I think "Loser" was my father's favorite word, but it no doubt had a lot to do with his upbringing.

 

[Jeshu]

Dear Andrew i think that you suffer from a depressive illness and that you would be well advised to visit a doctor to aid you in finding the right medications to treat your condition.

i found that a depressive mind lies to us about everything and draws us away from our true identity. To worry about the future is mere speculation - not true - but a depressive mind will understand this to be so already and make us feel hopeless, sad, fearful, insecure, guilty, ashamed and not good enough. This will cause the depressed person to avoid other people and/or build healthy relationships.

This is why medication can make such a difference. Once you have left depression behind you can re-evaluate everything and you will see that a healthy mind see life very different than an unhealthy one.

As some one who suffers from a depressive illness i found the truth of the bible to be the best truth to rebuild my psyche with. For the bible exposes all the lies and sets us free in the truth. With Jesus you can truly find yourself back in one piece and make something out of your life, depressed or not.

i sincerely hope you will find healing.

 

[Tempura]

There's nothing wrong with you Andrew. You're sensitive and you're shy. That's okay. It's okay to be shy. So many people are. To a young shy person it seems like they're alone with it, but the opposite is true. Nobody wants to be shy, everybody hates it at first, but we can come to a point where we befriend our shyness and we don't beat ourselves because of it. And when that happens, some things just start working out for you. We don't have to run away from ourselves or what we perceive as our weaknesses. We don't have to hate ourselves for it.

About feeling God and arguments about the whole thing, I was kind of the same. Turns out God isn't a feeling, and He works in strange ways. When we want to find Him, He usually finds us first. We want to find facts and get convinced, we want to work the equation in order to find out if belief is even an option. We argue, we debate, we worry about denominations, we get to infighting, egos take over, everything seems like a mess and we find out we don't have all the answers. I learned little about God that way myself. But there's that longing, that something God Himself has put in us. That little spark that calls to Him. We probably don't even know how or when it happens, but His work is ongoing. My search started when I had the least faith ever, and when I was at the lowest, most desperate point in my life. I just prayed to Him when I couldn't think to do anything else. Some time after that I just started reading the Bible. Some snippets here and there when I needed at least something. It was a beginning. I thought I was just desperately trying to cope with life and reaching for anything for the heck of it, but I can now say that it was a beginning and God knew what He was doing. I barely know what I'm doing, and I still struggle, but I don't have to trust myself to have all the control in all things. I can let go, and have hope in God, that He will finish what He started. I have been unfaithful, but He has been faithful. This is so hard to explain, I have no idea if this makes any sense to you.

You can call to Him too. He knows everything about you already. You don't have to perform a rite, you don't have to know everything, you don't have to have a certain kind of faith first, or even be convinced. In the end it's about Him, and how He works in/with you. Even our faith is a gift from God, and the more we ask for it, the more we get, including some tribulations - but they too will also mold and strengthen our faith and work for our benefit. In time, some feelings will come, and they are a blessing. But they might also go. But it's such a good thing that we don't have to be slaves to our feelings. Because so often we're after just that - a feeling. The goal then is just to feel and be ruled by it, because we think of feelings as such a core experience that there is nothing beyond them. But we can go further, and we can develop a certain blind trust and hope that will not betray us or fall even when the feelings sometimes do.

There's something to it, when we leave all the surrounding confusion out, and just talk to God as we are, with all our fears, sadness, nakedness, even unbelief. I can't stress how important this has been to me. I have never been in the position where I could say "this is good faith. I did it. I managed to make myself believe well. I managed to convince myself. I debate like a master. I feel so righteous, so knowledgeable. Look what I did God! Are you pleased?". No, I've always been one who can only say "How did you do it God? How did you let me have faith, even in times when I was sure I lost it all? How did you stay when all I ever did was to run away? How did YOU do it? Thank you."

You're a young man, and so many go through this. You are not alone. Things aren't always what they seem, especially when fear and confusion rules over us. You are not a faulty person. I'm glad to see you got so many supportive replies. If you need help, get it by all means, don't be ashamed. I've needed plenty of help for my struggles and depression, tons of it. Christ be with you. Don't be a stranger.

 

[pantingdeer]

It's too bad you became ungrounded in your faith, though it is understandable and it happens.

As a 36-year-old, what if I said a lot of what you're going through is normal? When I was in my teens and 20s, I felt a ton of instability and identity crisis. I was also very shy. I also didn't fit in. I struggled depression and with having good friends or close friends for a lot of reasons. My mom said that's the time when you're going through all the transition of becoming the adult you're going to be. She promised me that when I hit my 30s, I would look up one day and realize I no longer had those struggles. The answers would come.

She was right.

That's why I said it's understandable you became ungrounded in your faith. You are at the age of asking a lot of questions, figuring out who you are, where you fit, where you WANT to fit, and who you WANT to be.

So it sounds like a lot of normal things were allowed to spiral into some extremely negative places since you don't have a lot of support in these areas where you need them.

Start with where you are. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Everyone starts somewhere and takes a step. When someone smiles and says hi, just nod (or smile) and say hi back. If you look at someone and they look up and happen to catch your eye, just nod and acknowledge them. Just be willing to show people in small ways that you are responsive and let them start a conversation if they want to. It'll take practice, and it'll feel awkward. Awkward is human. But practice makes proficient and awkward will go away with getting used to things. It'll even become something you can laugh off as long as you don't take yourself too seriously.

You can also talk to people about literally anything. It's about getting out of your own head. I'm not very feminine, for example, but if a woman wants to talk to me about makeup, I am willing to discuss colors. I like colors. I can talk about colors. I won't know makeup brands, but I know colors. If I'm in my own head though, all I'll talk about is how women feel like they HAVE to wear makeup to be NORMAL when men don't have to and I hate makeup and it's not fair and blah, blah, blah and THAT is what creates an awkward atmosphere. That's not what she wants to hear. Usually. Some people are super cool about letting people be real around them, but most people are just looking for a peaceful interaction.

For now, don't worry about romance. Just practice connecting with people at all. I promise as you get used to interacting with the wide range of people that's out there, what you're feeling about women and your depression will improve. Right now, your confidence in yourself is shot, and it needs to be rebuilt. You get that back, and the other answers you're agonizing over right now will start coming together in a natural flow and order.

If possible, try to find something to become grounded in again like you were with your faith. It'll help a lot. I don't know if this will help you, but learning about personalities helped me, so I will send this little quiz your way.

Also, I'm willing to be a friend if you feel like I'm someone who could be a friend to you.

I tried the quiz and it says ISTJ

 

[pantingdeer]

If you are severely depressed, it's almost impossible to feel joy. If you are on certain medications, you can become kind of numb to everything.



Your father sounds like a verbally abusive person. A good father tries to be supportive and make you feel better about yourself. a good father would look for ways to encourage you. Don't retaliate. Instead of telling him he's not a good father, instead of thinking you can do something to change him, try to be busy with a hobby or reading or going for bike rides or something like that.



Of course, you feel this way! And there are probably hundreds or thousands, if not millions, of people who feel the same all over the earth.

Your imperfect parents either didn't have the skills or mental health to show you how to get along with people.



Has someone instilled the fear of hell into you?




Weird can mean different things. Being interested in unique things can be weird to some people and interesting to others.



I am here for the lonely people! I'm old enough to have learned a lot of things.

The mistakes I've made are talking too much about myself, and telling people things or places I don't like.

Great advice:

Don't complain, criticize, or condemn.
Dale Carnegie

I suggest developing a hobby; then you can look for friends who share that interest.


10 Tips to Make New Friends:

10 Tips to Make New Friends | Personal Excellence

Don't give up on church! Better yet, don't give up on God. He cares if you're sad or lonely and I doubt that He wants that for you.

1) I’m not sure if I’m depressed as it is hard to tell. I am not on medication as I’m wary of what it would do to me.
2) I have fear that I go to hell and locked there forever with no escape.

 

[pantingdeer]

Hello Andrew,
Hang in there brother. God loves you and we care about you as well.
When I was twenty I was all over the place emotionally, a social recluse, very uncertain about myself and my future, you name it. Ha!
My mother once told me that I’m a loser, and that I should just face it. I love my mom and forgave her for that one a long time ago. She was wrong!
I’m now married, with a nerd job i love in the space industry, and I’m highly respected. I have a twenty year old son of my own. He’s a smart guy, but gets stressed and intimidated by the things he’s stepping into with work and school, which all young people experience.
Also, I seriously doubt that you’re weirder than me.

I wish I could shrug off the bad things people say to me but it’s hard. I still go over in my head the things people said to me years ago and it makes me angry, hate myself and them.
I do maths at university but I wouldn’t say I’m a nerd as I don’t think about maths all day like some people in my class, and I wouldn’t say I love maths - I’m just good at it for some reason. I rarely seem to enjoy anything these days ago as over recent years I have seemed to lose the joy I had in a lot of things. This makes me worry if I’ll be able to find a job I enjoy to do with maths.

 

[Rescued One]

I wish I could shrug off the bad things people say to me but it’s hard. I still go over in my head the things people said to me years ago and it makes me angry, hate myself and them.
I do maths at university but I wouldn’t say I’m a nerd as I don’t think about maths all day like some people in my class, and I wouldn’t say I love maths - I’m just good at it for some reason. I rarely seem to enjoy anything these days ago as over recent years I have seemed to lose the joy I had in a lot of things. This makes me worry if I’ll be able to find a job I enjoy to do with maths.

I truly believe you'll find a job in your area of expertise.

And living for Christ not only makes life bearable, it transforms us!
Could you imagine if your father lived by these instructions:

Ephesians Chapter 4
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Just reading these verses fills my heart with gratitude and happiness. I know, oh how I know, the difficulty of overcoming the past. Yet immersing myself in God's word, and knowing that He has shown mercy on me, has given me hope. The young children in my neighborhood shout "Hi," when I go out my front door and sometimes they come running over. I'm thrilled because I was the second oldest child of six children and children have always delighted me!

 

[Eternum]

I tried the quiz and it says ISTJ

Ok Andrew, the 20 year old possible ISTJ. Let me ask some questions and then risk the ire of many to be that guy who will level with you.

What do people mean to you? Do you think you can make friends or even find happiness without opening up or trusting others? Are you interested at all in learning about others? Do you care about other people, their experiences, thoughts, etc.? (These do not have to be answered publicly.)

I have been looking at your recent posts on CF about this situation, and the responses from others, and I notice the same pattern: you do not seem to notice the good around you, or time or effort people put in to you. You do not respond to others at all, really, except only talk about yourself on the one or two things that interest you--about yourself.

If all you remember are the bad things that people say to you, to me that really looks like a choice. A lot of people have said very kind and encouraging things to you here and you have dismissed them. From the outside, it really looks like what's important to you is to remember only the bad.

1. Look at the good in the world
2. Respond to it

If you really take such kindness and warmth from other people for granted, then I'm inclined to say you've had an amazing life. I have never had so much kindness and warmth from others. A tiny amount of kindness is like a candle flame in a blizzard that I want to throw myself over to keep the flame alive, it's so precious to me. So it bothers me to see you treat the kindness of others as though it is not even worth acknowledging.

 

[pantingdeer]

What do people mean to you?

That is a vague question but I find it hard to connect with people. I’m quite an emotionless person and find it hard to have feelings for others. I do not get on with my family and did not even cry or get upset when my grandparent died which I am ashamed to say yet I cried when my guinea pig died.

Do you think you can make friends or even find happiness without opening up or trusting others?

I don’t have friends as I am a loser. It is hard to trust people when the only person who says nice things to me is my mum. A girl told me at school not to believe nice things my mum told me. I tried to become friends with someone at my work but I have trouble talking to people and so a person made fun of me because of this. Things like this shoot your confidence and make you sadder when you were trying to have friend.

Are you interested at all in learning about others?

I like listening to people share their testimonies

you do not seem to notice the good around you, or time or effort people put in to you

You are right about this. I’m not a nice person obviously. I may have evil spirits inside me.

If all you remember are the bad things that people say to you, to me that really looks like a choice

I can’t get the bad things out of head even if I want to. I see myself everyday and wish I wasn’t me because of things people said to me in front of people to shame me. I want to have surgery to fix what is wrong.

it really looks like what's important to you is to remember only the bad

I may be depressed and in this state you tend to dwell on negativity. People don’t take their lives because they are selfish, they can’t comprehend living anymore because they don’t feel joy anymore.

If you really take such kindness and warmth from other people for granted, then I'm inclined to say you've had an amazing life.

My life has been awful. No holiday or money can replace happiness.
I’ve become a recluse for past number of years because I believe everyone hates me and I can’t be liked. My own dad told me I’ve no friends and am ugly which makes me very sad.

 

[Tempura]

You can be liked Andrew. I like you already. You seem like an honest young man who's having a hard time because of bad interactions and a poor self-esteem for not having much emotional support. But there's nothing wrong with you brother. Christ be with you.

 

[pantingdeer]

You can be liked Andrew. I like you already. You seem like an honest young man who's having a hard time because of bad interactions and a poor self-esteem for not having much emotional support. But there's nothing wrong with you brother. Christ be with you.

Thank you for the kind words. I want to know God one day.

 

[Tempura]

Thank you for the kind words. I want to know God one day.

You will. We might think God is slow, especially when we feel lost and we're just trying to figure things out about God, ourselves and life, but He is not slow, He's thorough. He's not hiding, He's currently working in you, building something magnificent. He doesn't just quickly throw things at us, we'd lose those things the next day, never realizing what we had. He makes the foundation, and on that foundation we can really grow. Your feeling of "I want to know God", even that, is from Him.

Oh, we also have that "how are you feeling" - thread here. Drop by. People often go there to say hi to each other, and sometimes just talk about their lives. I've gotten to know some good brothers and sisters in there, and on this depression forum especially. There's little to no judgement here, most of us have had (or still have) our troubles. But there's one good thing about suffering and sadness and confusion; it makes people empathetic. It really shows, they're very welcoming. The same will happen to you. Your heart won't get cold. Drop by whenever you like. PMs are also a thing, if you want to talk to someone specific, me included. Sometimes we need to talk badly, and for someone to listen.