Struggles with my sexuality....

[MixtNick]

I am a young man, who for years has struggled with my sexuality. For years I have either gone to public toilets looking for men or to parks looking for guys to touch with. I have also found comfort in gay porn sites. This thing is hard especially as the whole gay thing is so open. I love God, and I intend to serve him but my flesh is so weak, the devil knows that weakness of mine, it's almost like a habit, I need to go cold turkey! Years ago I went to my Pastor for help and ended up sleeping with him for over 2 1/2 years.... It almost destroyed me. I exposed the affair, he young and married no kids (not that it makes it any better) I couldnt continue down that road. I was told to leave the church and I went back into the world. I entered the world of 'anything goes' group gay sex with 'str8' and gay guys, coupled with massive amounts of cocaine. It is only by the grace of God why I am alive to tell the tale.
These struggles are hard, everyday is a different battle fom an unexpected source. However each day I am stronger and I overcome a battle and other days I fall back into the trap. I just wanted to let ppl who struggle to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. The devil is a liar and we will NOT be defeated.

I would love to hear from others who struggle with this and want to win this battle. Strength comes in unity.
I know there are many of you out there who are stuggling, with Gods help we will overcome this battle.

19/12/06

I have the victory, I am a child of God. Things are happening to me and I am realising my ministry. Yea I have a struggle, yea I have problems but thru God I have the victory. I am fighting a devil that has already been defeated.... he is a liar. Each day I praise GOD for my victory. Yea some days its hard, but I thank God , I ask him daily for forgivness. I know I can hold my head high knowing that God is in my thoughts and in my daily routine. My provider.
2007 is 2 weeks away, and GOD is gonna move in a mighty way, he is looking for radical people, men and womwn of God who are real. Despite my temptations, I WILL serve him..... GOD IS GOOD.

25/12/06

Merry Christmas.... and Happy Birthday to me!! yea today is my birthday!!!! I have had an up and down week, dis obeyed God in a big way and nearly lost my life. Wednesday last week I went to the office party, there was a Champagne rception, dinner with free bottles of wine and a feww bar. Baring in mind God had told me not to attend I started on the free drink, 6 hours later I was wasted, God had also told a month ago that I as not to drink. I left the party feeling horny wanting gay sex. I went to the area of the city where men go looking for gay sex, by the canals. As I was walking and looking at this guy. As I was looking at him, I lost my footing and fell into the canal, it was deep and with my heavy jacket on and boots I was dragged under. A hand reached in and told me to hold on, I did and he helped me out. The guy said that if he hadn't have walked past when he did then I would have been dead. God spared my life. You see God had told me not to go to the party as drink gets me wanting sex, he told me not to drink and he also told me never to go down by the canals... I paid the price. Disobedience is a terrible thing. You see I am a black guy and where I was going other black guys go to pick up. In the black church homosexuality is never dealt with, just swept under the carpet.
My freind asked me today whats it gonna take for me to realise how precious my life is, will it take a bullet? I thank God for allowing me to see yet another Christmas and Birthday. I am reading so many comments and threads. We all just need to hold on and expose the devil at every oppertunity. Be encouragd, I have dusted myself down and started to move on. The devil will not hold me in bondage. 2007 is gonna be a big year, I wanna be ready for the things God has for me. Much love to you all, your honesty and kind words are a blessing.....

 

[tapero]

bump

 

[Jeremiah4Christ]

Hey, I'm battling with my sexuality too. I have never been obsessed with gay sex, but yeah I fight everyday to try and overcome it. It's a tough battle the one with the Devil, but it's our choice to turn away from it, but that takes a lot of strength when you're addicted. I'll pray for your battle with it too, man.

 

[AJB4]

I'm struggling too. But as ^ said, I'm overcoming too.

 

[posion ivy]

God loves you for who you are, Ask Him for support and he will give you what you need.

 

[oreo]

my prayers are with you. it is an evil world we live in and it's up to us to be always vigilant to protect our faith.

 

[gloryseven]

I am a young man, who for years has struggled with my sexuality. For years I have either gone to public toilets looking for men or to parks looking for guys to touch with. I have also found comfort in gay porn sites. This thing is hard especially as the whole gay thing is so open. I love God, and I intend to serve him but my flesh is so weak, the devil knows that weakness of mine, it's almost like a habit, I need to go cold turkey! Years ago I went to my Pastor for help and ended up sleeping with him for over 2 1/2 years.... It almost destroyed me. I exposed the affair, he young and married no kids (not that it makes it any better) I couldnt continue down that road. I was told to leave the church and I went back into the world. I entered the world of 'anything goes' group gay sex with 'str8' and gay guys, coupled with massive amounts of cocaine. It is only by the grace of God why I am alive to tell the tale.
These struggles are hard, everyday is a different battle fom an unexpected source. However each day I am stronger and I overcome a battle and other days I fall back into the trap. I just wanted to let ppl who struggle to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. The devil is a liar and we will NOT be defeated.

I would love to hear from others who struggle with this and want to win this battle. Strength comes in unity.
I know there are many of you out there who are stuggling, with Gods help we will overcome this battle.

The battle is hard, I am struggling each day, my friends tell me that God has a massive plan for my life why the devil is fighting me, if it isn't 1 thing its another.
Im scared, so scared of failing, dying before my time. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.

Just a note to let you know Im learning alot about the Bible and the living Word of God. It is important for you to read healing scriptures each and every day, attend to the Word, and give your spiritman the empowerment, strength and power to overcome the flesh. Dont ever let the devil get you down, he will be locked up very soon by St. Michael the Archangel. All the dark angels will be with him. It is important for you to tell the devil he is under your feet, his time is short and he knows it, that is why he rages so. Jesus has Paradise ready, but the sexually immoral will not be there. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower you and pray and be serious seeking the living Word. Jesus is the Word, you will find Jesus in the Word. He will bring healing, comfort, and power you need. bye

 

[bannaboat101]

I am a young man, who for years has struggled with my sexuality. For years I have either gone to public toilets looking for men or to parks looking for guys to touch with. I have also found comfort in gay porn sites. This thing is hard especially as the whole gay thing is so open. I love God, and I intend to serve him but my flesh is so weak, the devil knows that weakness of mine, it's almost like a habit, I need to go cold turkey! Years ago I went to my Pastor for help and ended up sleeping with him for over 2 1/2 years.... It almost destroyed me. I exposed the affair, he young and married no kids (not that it makes it any better) I couldnt continue down that road. I was told to leave the church and I went back into the world. I entered the world of 'anything goes' group gay sex with 'str8' and gay guys, coupled with massive amounts of cocaine. It is only by the grace of God why I am alive to tell the tale.
These struggles are hard, everyday is a different battle fom an unexpected source. However each day I am stronger and I overcome a battle and other days I fall back into the trap. I just wanted to let ppl who struggle to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. The devil is a liar and we will NOT be defeated.

I would love to hear from others who struggle with this and want to win this battle. Strength comes in unity.
I know there are many of you out there who are stuggling, with Gods help we will overcome this battle.

The battle is hard, I am struggling each day, my friends tell me that God has a massive plan for my life why the devil is fighting me, if it isn't 1 thing its another.
Im scared, so scared of failing, dying before my time. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.

Hey buddy I know what it is like. I struggle with the temptation everyday and it is hard pal. I however overcame the struggle but man temptation is always there and the more that I grow as a christian the more that I can resist the temptation and I'm glad that it works. If you want I will talk to you anytime just pop me a pm. I would have you instant message me but I don't have internet at home but that doesn't matter. I will keep in contact with you pal.
God Bless
~ Mike

 

[GoNoles]

We're all wounded by things in our pasts... sometimes, we can't identify exactly what it is, but the wound that leads to homosexual attraction is difficult to overcome. A great book that helped me is Restoring the Christian Soul, by Leanne Payne. It's kinda' deep, but she has some great advice in there dealing with spiritual warfare. My encouragement to anyone dealing with this is that you CAN beat it and get through it... with God's help and with the help of others. If there is anyone in your life with whom you can be honest, I suggest telling him/her and getting some help in prayer and by being able to be honest. Sin THRIVES in darkness, so keeping this kind of thing hidden is what makes it grow.

As men, we need affirmation and love from other men (non-sexual, of course), but for those of us who have dealt with some form of same-sex attraction it's difficult to get close to men who aren't in this same boat. There are men out there who haven't dealt with sexual temptation in this way who are open and understanding of our struggles in this area. God will lead you to such a friend, but you need to be committed to Him.

 

[Virginia1989]

I know where each of you is coming from. I too, the ministers son, struggle with homosexuality. I have been in several relationships and I daily struggle, but once I told my fam they have prayed for me daily and little by little I am overcoming.

 

[GoNoles]

you said you've been in several relationships... I'm guessing you meant with other guys, right?

That's what's so difficult about this struggle... I personally believe that it's much deeper than physical attractions (which I believe are only manifestations). As I said before, men need strong, intimate relationships with other men. Most of us didn't have that type of relationship with our fathers (but some did), but there's still a longing inside of us for that type of deep friendship with another guy. Unfortunately, it's very easy for satan to twist it and make it into a s#xual attraction which is exactly the opposite of what God intended for us. This is a spiritual battle, not a physical one, so make sure you are praying against the strongholds that satan is bringing into your life. Get help from a spiritual warfare counsellor... that totally changed my life.

Being honest with your family is awesome - again, you're keeping it in the light and that's where this belongs. Secrets grow just like mold... don't let this become that type of thing in your life. And remember, many of us have been right were you are and have come through it. I know that my teenage years were the most difficult, but hang in there, guys. God has created you to be His man... and the world doesn't need to tell you that you're a man for it to be true.

You ARE worth protecting... and you ARE worth fighting for. Fight for yourself and protect yourself. Yes, you may mess-up, but do as Paul did... "press forward toward the goal of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Your failures DO NOT define who you are. God has defined you as one of His children.

"Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."" I Peter 1:13-15

God bless you all. I will be praying diligently for you in this and I'm here to offer support.

 

[Brother_Justin]

What bravery to talk about these struggles. You guys inspire me by your bravery. Keep going and never give up. All I can think of right now is the song:

*sings*

"My deliverer is coming my deliverer is standing by"

Jesus loves you guys. Never forget that. Your struggles are our struggles and we support you. We are one body. That reminds me of another song:

*warms up* falalalalalal

"We are one body one body in Christ and we do not stand alone!!!!"


We are here for you and we are your brothers. Your not weird your not dirty you struggle. We all struggle with something in our lives. Paul for example had his "thorn" we speculate it was sexual in nature but who cares. It is proof that we all strugle even the most pius people strugle. Keep fighting guys your deliverer is coming!




Brother Justin <><

 

[melville125]

Justin,

I think you'll find it was Paul who had the 'thorn'...

Other than that, agree with you 100%!!!

 

[Brother_Justin]

DO I did put peter lol oops. Sorry was reading my Bible before I posted this and was in the Gospels ><!!!


Ill edit that. hehe either way you get my point !


Brother Justin <><

 

[AFIrocks]

i struggle with it too, i don't feel straight some times, other times i feel gay & bi, i would love to overcome it but i just can't help it

 

[MixtNick]

I wanna say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story, for those who have given me advice, prayed and encouraged.
I have now come to realise that my only saviour is JESUS. I am sick and tired of everyday the Devil is trying to tell me some foolishness. Telling me how I am weak and that I will never fulfill what God has for me becuase of my addiction... yes thats right addiction to sex and porn. I am not afraid to expose my weakness as I am exposing the Satan. I am not afraid to expose when I fall because the Devil is a liar and will have me think I am no good. But guess what, everytime I fall I get back up, dust myself down and press on, I ask God to forgive me to help me to strengthen me. I pray, fast and get my strength. This is 2007 where God is gonna move in a big way. Yea I have desires but its how I handle them. Yh I feel like giving up but its like this, Heaven or Hell.... Simple tings. Life or Death. I have re-newed my mind. Each day I get up and kick the devil in his face, he aint gonna have me... simple as that.

 

[BelindaP]

You go! Go and kick him hard. That's one of the pleasures of Christianity--telling the Devil where to go.

 

[MixtNick]

Since my last post I have been under attack like you would never believe. I was ready to say goodbye to everyone and call it a day and turn back to the world. Tired of being alone and tired of fighting, I was ready to throw in the towel and tell teh devil he had won, despite me saying previously he had to be kicked in the face.
Leaving work with lustful desires, wanting a company of a man, but at the same time knowing its wrong and wanting to serve GOD.
I DON'T want to go Hell, sometimes I feel I am, other times I know that God is with me and my name is in that book of life.
I do not want to be known as a man who did one thing and his actions told another story. Too many times men and women of God turn hypocrites to suit their situations. I wanna be honest in my feelings and my walk. I wanna be accountable, I wanna serve GOD.
For those with the same struggles.. Stay strong, at times you fall, sleep with other men, touch, watch gay porn.... God is a forgiving God, do not let the devil tell you that your life in GOD is over before it has begun.
I need your support and prayers and you all have mine. I am more determined than ever to succeed thanks to an honest person who post their problems on here. TO him I say than you.

 

[NewChildofGod]

Nick I just prayed for you! I know exactly what you are going through...this is something that I have been dealing with since I was 11 or so. Stay strong in the Lord! I am praying for you...hope to hear an update soon! God Bless you brother!

 

[snowowl21]

My name is kayanna but i go by annie. i am here for prayer and conversation. i have a few addictions that are not easy to talkj about but if i had the chance to talk about them i may feel better. i am a missionary and a camp counselor in bondage. i have been bi for as long as i can remember but did not admit it to myself till a year ago. i have been addicted to lesbian porn and fantasies at night and the things that go along with it. up until last year i was the only one who knew but i had to tell someone so i have a few people that have told but no family members. also i have been molested for almost 7 years and can't stop it. i am trying to live for my lord but i am trapped. i still serve him to the best of my ability but i feel that itsnot all of me. please if you can help me talk to me.