Recently I am having troubles with most friendships, but a bit of family as well.
I will start with the family since it is not as long of a story. It's nothing major, but my brother recently swore into the air force, and I never even know he was thinking about or that he even called until I saw his facebook post and showed mom. I am super excited for him. I messaged him on facebook asking about what all he is doing, when he leaves, for how long, where he goes, etc. Facebook has that thing where it shows you when they have read the message, and according to that, my brother has seen the messages but will not respond. He wont respond to my texts either. This was middle of last week. He is supposedly coming up new years, even though they don't have a car. So we will see how that goes. But thats really the family problem I am Having, is he won't respond back to me. I am the youngest of four and he is my only brother. My two sisters and I don't talk that often either. Communication is just bad and its tough because I've been the only kid at home for four years.
Now for the friendships... This is a long story.
First off, I have never been good with friendships. I always have a friend but it lasts no more than a month. Either we move, we cant communicate due to parents not liking each other, or we just ain't cool anymore to be seen hanging around. I've been in my current state for nine years, i lived eight years in a previous state. All of my stay here I have had a best friend, lets call her CH. CH and I have never fought, ever. We have always been friends and always hung out. We told each other everything and we knew eachother better than we knew ourselves it seemed like. Well last year, the start of our senior year, she moved to a different state. We still communicated and talked. Well this last summer I found out something she did and I told her that it is best we move in our separate directions, because I can't keep getting hurt like this. Keep in mind this is only half the story - there are two longer stories expaining this friend and explaining my personality, but that's for another time. But when she told me something that happened, in a time she needed my help, I could not give it to her because I could not keep getting hurt. It was a selfish move, but if you knew me and my life you would know I have a right to be selfish then. So it's been 100 days and we have not spoken and it has been hard, until I met a friend, JS who helped me out and changed me around and pretty much came to my rescue. Okay, so now 100 days later I find out that CH is back in my state and living in the same time. Apparently she isn't oing to school, but I am just scared on if I will see her again. I don't know what I would do because we were once best friends who promised eachother a million times we would never leave and we'd always be there. Now we are strangers with memories. So that is part of my friendship problem - is I don't know what to do in case I see her again.
The most recent problem is with another friend, AV. She went through something hard but would not talk to me. She posted stupid little pity statements on snapchat for the whole world to see, but she will not talk to me. I finally told her last night about how I felt about everything. Long story short - I am the type of person where when I know something is wrong I want to hear it and try and help, even if helping only means listening and crying with her. She is the type of person where she does the stupid woman thing (I am a woman too, but i don't do this) where she wants you to know something is wrong but she will not talk about and wants to talk about some thing else. I am opposite. If I feel like they will care, I will tell them my whole life story and ask for help. But she won't tell me anything, but she tells JS everything.
So anyways, I told her about my opinions on trust and how I felt i was having a one sided relationship where I try to help her and I tell her everything and try my best to be friends with her but she doesn't tell me anything and it feels like she doesn't try as hard to be friends with me. She didn't like it and I hurt her, but the truth hurts and she needed to hear it.
So longer story short, I pretty much threw another friendship away on my account..
JS is the only person since CH that I feel like I can tell him anything and never worry about his trust or anything, he always helps me. But he is leaving on a christian mission for a year where he won't be able to talk that much, and I am scared that I will have no one to go to to talk to. I don't talk to my parents becuase they don't understand. My om dropped out of high school from depression and in the past when I told her how i was feeling she would say sorry and walk away. My dad reacts differently. for example a looong time ago I told them how i felt I had no friends. My dad walks into my room after my mom told him what I told her, and he walks into my room and says quit feeling sorry yourself and grow up. So that's why I don't talk to my parents.
I was getting so much better, but then when I found out about CH moving back and AV and our friendship is down the barrel and JS going away, I feel so lost. I don't even know what to do. I am getting back into depression again, when I was getting better. I've asked god for help but only time will tell.
I'm jsut lost and confused. I graduate in june and I feel like next year is just going to be tough with JS coming back when i am in college probably.
Anyways - thats my story for now. There are so many things I did not say, so I understand if this does not make sense. Please don't assume anything, because this is less than half my story, but its all i am willing to share.
I will start with the family since it is not as long of a story. It's nothing major, but my brother recently swore into the air force, and I never even know he was thinking about or that he even called until I saw his facebook post and showed mom. I am super excited for him. I messaged him on facebook asking about what all he is doing, when he leaves, for how long, where he goes, etc. Facebook has that thing where it shows you when they have read the message, and according to that, my brother has seen the messages but will not respond. He wont respond to my texts either. This was middle of last week. He is supposedly coming up new years, even though they don't have a car. So we will see how that goes. But thats really the family problem I am Having, is he won't respond back to me. I am the youngest of four and he is my only brother. My two sisters and I don't talk that often either. Communication is just bad and its tough because I've been the only kid at home for four years.
Now for the friendships... This is a long story.
First off, I have never been good with friendships. I always have a friend but it lasts no more than a month. Either we move, we cant communicate due to parents not liking each other, or we just ain't cool anymore to be seen hanging around. I've been in my current state for nine years, i lived eight years in a previous state. All of my stay here I have had a best friend, lets call her CH. CH and I have never fought, ever. We have always been friends and always hung out. We told each other everything and we knew eachother better than we knew ourselves it seemed like. Well last year, the start of our senior year, she moved to a different state. We still communicated and talked. Well this last summer I found out something she did and I told her that it is best we move in our separate directions, because I can't keep getting hurt like this. Keep in mind this is only half the story - there are two longer stories expaining this friend and explaining my personality, but that's for another time. But when she told me something that happened, in a time she needed my help, I could not give it to her because I could not keep getting hurt. It was a selfish move, but if you knew me and my life you would know I have a right to be selfish then. So it's been 100 days and we have not spoken and it has been hard, until I met a friend, JS who helped me out and changed me around and pretty much came to my rescue. Okay, so now 100 days later I find out that CH is back in my state and living in the same time. Apparently she isn't oing to school, but I am just scared on if I will see her again. I don't know what I would do because we were once best friends who promised eachother a million times we would never leave and we'd always be there. Now we are strangers with memories. So that is part of my friendship problem - is I don't know what to do in case I see her again.
The most recent problem is with another friend, AV. She went through something hard but would not talk to me. She posted stupid little pity statements on snapchat for the whole world to see, but she will not talk to me. I finally told her last night about how I felt about everything. Long story short - I am the type of person where when I know something is wrong I want to hear it and try and help, even if helping only means listening and crying with her. She is the type of person where she does the stupid woman thing (I am a woman too, but i don't do this) where she wants you to know something is wrong but she will not talk about and wants to talk about some thing else. I am opposite. If I feel like they will care, I will tell them my whole life story and ask for help. But she won't tell me anything, but she tells JS everything.
So anyways, I told her about my opinions on trust and how I felt i was having a one sided relationship where I try to help her and I tell her everything and try my best to be friends with her but she doesn't tell me anything and it feels like she doesn't try as hard to be friends with me. She didn't like it and I hurt her, but the truth hurts and she needed to hear it.
So longer story short, I pretty much threw another friendship away on my account..
JS is the only person since CH that I feel like I can tell him anything and never worry about his trust or anything, he always helps me. But he is leaving on a christian mission for a year where he won't be able to talk that much, and I am scared that I will have no one to go to to talk to. I don't talk to my parents becuase they don't understand. My om dropped out of high school from depression and in the past when I told her how i was feeling she would say sorry and walk away. My dad reacts differently. for example a looong time ago I told them how i felt I had no friends. My dad walks into my room after my mom told him what I told her, and he walks into my room and says quit feeling sorry yourself and grow up. So that's why I don't talk to my parents.
I was getting so much better, but then when I found out about CH moving back and AV and our friendship is down the barrel and JS going away, I feel so lost. I don't even know what to do. I am getting back into depression again, when I was getting better. I've asked god for help but only time will tell.
I'm jsut lost and confused. I graduate in june and I feel like next year is just going to be tough with JS coming back when i am in college probably.
Anyways - thats my story for now. There are so many things I did not say, so I understand if this does not make sense. Please don't assume anything, because this is less than half my story, but its all i am willing to share.
