stressed

[bchapman]

I am married to a compulsive liar who has been lying ever since we met 6 years ago. Well actually he admitted he has been lying ever since he was a child and now he is 45 years old. He admitted as a child he lied so that he wuld stay out of trouble and now as an adult he is still lying. I just don't know what to do I really want to get a divorce and stay single and focused on god and my child. The bad thing about it is he is not trying to change. He will admit he lies in front of the church and even god but he does nothing to change. He confesses his lying ways and got prayed for several times but yet he still doesnt change. He also blames everyone else for his problems and don't take responsibility for his actions. What really gets me is we go to church and he hears how bad lying is and how god hates it and still lies that really concerns me. What is a girl to do I am so unhappy!!!

 

[Peripatetic]

I'm sorry to hear that. Trust is so important in a marriage, and it is hard to have it in the midst of lies. Would he consider therapy? Compulsive and Pathological lying can be treated, and the first (and often most difficult step) is for the person to admit it, which seems to have happened in your husband's case. Prayer is good too, but help from a doctor may be necessary to break the addiction.

 

[pinkfuzzies]

Have you tried Christian counseling?

 

[Bible2]

Or the fear of God?

". . . all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone" (Rev. 21:8, Prov. 16:6b).

 

[tturt]

Sorry to hear of the problems. Recommend reading Love and Respect by Emerson. Also. concerning the lying - When Yeshua was on the earth and was tempted, He relied on Scripture. Here’s some Scriptures and there are many more that your husband could meditate on (doesn’t mean emptying our minds but focusing on them).

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Prov 12 “The lip of truth shall be established for ever…:” (keeping the positive portions).

 

[parsley]

While you are deciding what to do to respond to this, think about what would drive a person to lie. There are physiologic/behavioral disorders that could bring this on. Most of the people I have known who lied compulsively had a block of time in their lives where people were very stern with them, did not give them options to explain or defend themselves, so the only "out" they could see was hiding their plans.

As adults, they start treating people they love as though they are the same enemy/ opposition they had years before. If they had a strict mother, they start treating a wife as though the wife did the original harm to them. Everyone becomes an enemy. They live for themselves, and pride themselves in how well they can outwit the other.

That might not be true of your husband, but your relationship might have reached the point where you're thinking "Hey it's me you're lying to." That you are no longer the person he was infatuated over, but now the person he is hiding things from. That is normal in any relationship to fade into mundane human life. But there is no excuse for lying, and treating others with such disrespect.

 

[kazzalb]

Hi,

Sounds horrible, I feel for you. It is important for you to be able to trust your husband. I would lay a firm boundary - Get counselling or marriage therapy and change lying ways or you will not be initimate. How can you be initimate with someone you cannot trust.

The counselling would help him, your relationship, your son.

What role modelling is he showing his son?

I know that God wants marriages to work - but this one is not working and its not your doing by the sounds of it. It takes two to make a marriage work and your husband is not doing his part.

You may not want to seperate or divorce, however that does not mean that you have to put up with this. You can stand up for yourself and declare certain requirements from the marriage. Trust is an essential.

I pray for you and I pray for your husband -that he may seek help. I think he will if he knows he won't keep getting away with it.

God bless
x

 

[now faith]

I raised a compulsive liar, I understand your agony. What happens is every one knows he is a liar yet they keep falling for it. Somehow we justify the lie because we're sure this time there's no way or reason for them to lie, then of course theirs no truth once again and your in a cycle of false truth constructed by the liar. There is hope and healing through Christ. Looking back I would have reacted different instead of anger I would have tried reverseing the role in the game. I would lie to him even if it was important lie about anything that can cause him emotional discomfort , where you have been what you were doing make him understand what distrust feels like, don't stop until he is losing his mind, but don't confess switch off and on keep him guessing. A liar is selfish they won't trust God for their provision so they lie cheat and steal for their needs. Our loving open hearts can make us a target for liars , we look at it from a loving point of view they look at it as your ignorant and easy to manipulate. This may sound harsh but he must understand from a personal level how it is affecting others lives , and you must find out his compassion for others. You have got to bring out the real person from behind the mask, then you can decide if you love the real man and he can work on his issue. I may sound cold but had 28 years with my adopted son of which had a true criminal mind. I found out he could care less about me he only seek to steal from me at every chance he can. I have tried to reconcile but he is as cold as a rattlesnake . Your husband may be nothing like this lord willing I will be praying for you, but you have to put your foot on his neck and find out before you invest the next 30 years grieving instead of your mission in Christ.

 

[mark kennedy]

I really don't know, what exactly is he lying about?

 

[an oddity]

I am sorry about your circumstance in your marriage. I pray that God will guide you in your decisions.