- Dec 19, 2012
- 5,775
- 1,823
- Country
- Canada
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Anabaptist
- Marital Status
- Divorced
I'm taking a class right now, and the topic is stress. Apparently, professional people report 8 - 12 incidents of chronic, ongoing stressors on a good day. It's much higher on a "stressful" day. Men report this for 5 days a week, but women report this for 7 days a week, and the reasons cited were work at home after the work week is done. Stress has an impact on the sympathetic nervous system, which triggers our fight/flight/freeze response. This can happen even as we roll out of bed in the morning, depending on our first thoughts of the day: "ugh, here we go again" versus "what a beautiful day!"
The only way to counterbalance the sympathetic nervous system is by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Things that activate the parasympathetic nervous system are yoga, meditation/mindfulness, passive and centering martial arts (not the ones that are self-defense), and here's the interesting thing. They have shown that prayer activates the parasympathetic nervous system - but not ALL prayer. This only works if you are praying to a loving God rather than a vengeful one. If you pray to a vengeful god, it actually activates the sympathetic nervous system - that is, the fight, flight or freeze.
Think about the implications of this information on marriage, and the stressors of marriage. Actually, you can even think of this in terms of the radical ISIS or other sects that pray to a vengeful god...no wonder they are all ready to fight.
If our early morning thoughts can determine how we process the stress of the day, think about it - how we think of our spouse can determine how we process the stress in our marriage. This is consistent with Dr. Gottman's work. He says that one of the principles for making marriage work is nurturing positive sentiment about your spouse.
Think about how chronic stress can be managed in a Christian home...do you pray to a loving God or a vengeful one? What kind of impact does marital and extramarital stress have on your marriage? What kinds of ways do you activate the parasympathetic? Does it include your spouse or do you do it alone?
Another interesting piece of this is that when the parasympathetic nervous system starts to kick in, women release oxytocin and men release vasopressin to help counter the stress. So for women, if they pray to a loving God with their husbands, this can be a very bonding moment for her, although not necessarily for him. This is likely why women tend to wish their husbands would pray with them more than they do. For her, it is a coping mechanism against her chronic stress that is also a bonding mechanism. Vasopressin does this as well in men, possibly to a lesser degree, primarily because women tend to have a stronger reaction to oxytocin, thanks to estrogen.
Anyway, what does all this mean for your marriage, and the stress you go through individually and together? What does it mean for how you think of each other and how you think of God?
The only way to counterbalance the sympathetic nervous system is by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Things that activate the parasympathetic nervous system are yoga, meditation/mindfulness, passive and centering martial arts (not the ones that are self-defense), and here's the interesting thing. They have shown that prayer activates the parasympathetic nervous system - but not ALL prayer. This only works if you are praying to a loving God rather than a vengeful one. If you pray to a vengeful god, it actually activates the sympathetic nervous system - that is, the fight, flight or freeze.
Think about the implications of this information on marriage, and the stressors of marriage. Actually, you can even think of this in terms of the radical ISIS or other sects that pray to a vengeful god...no wonder they are all ready to fight.
If our early morning thoughts can determine how we process the stress of the day, think about it - how we think of our spouse can determine how we process the stress in our marriage. This is consistent with Dr. Gottman's work. He says that one of the principles for making marriage work is nurturing positive sentiment about your spouse.
Think about how chronic stress can be managed in a Christian home...do you pray to a loving God or a vengeful one? What kind of impact does marital and extramarital stress have on your marriage? What kinds of ways do you activate the parasympathetic? Does it include your spouse or do you do it alone?
Another interesting piece of this is that when the parasympathetic nervous system starts to kick in, women release oxytocin and men release vasopressin to help counter the stress. So for women, if they pray to a loving God with their husbands, this can be a very bonding moment for her, although not necessarily for him. This is likely why women tend to wish their husbands would pray with them more than they do. For her, it is a coping mechanism against her chronic stress that is also a bonding mechanism. Vasopressin does this as well in men, possibly to a lesser degree, primarily because women tend to have a stronger reaction to oxytocin, thanks to estrogen.
Anyway, what does all this mean for your marriage, and the stress you go through individually and together? What does it mean for how you think of each other and how you think of God?