From the video, David, thanks for sharing your journey. You recounted a stage in your life when you said, 'Ya, I believe in God. But church, I am not about all that." How many people are in that stage? But a personal crisis caused you to seek the Lord in scripture and it was there that you began to realize you were "not such a good person", your surrender was not complete. I have been a born again Christian since about 1976 and it is only recently that I have come to a deeper understanding of my own lack of surrender. To some degree I have lived many years in a Christian fantasy. It was icing on the cake of my happy life. But still wanting things my way, still with my own interests having priority. So, yes, I am still in need of conversion. Not from the Catholic Church. But from myself. I am not sure why or how but new life, even now is coming my way.
I like the bit about introversion. I am off the chart. But I love preaching when I get the chance. No fears, no anxiety. People invite me sometimes. Mostly though I try to connect with people one- on-one in the hospital rooms. Imagine an introvert knocking on doors. That was a main growth for me. When I was in training I was nervous and afraid to knock on those doors. By the end of the training it EXCITED me.
I have been reading a biography of a great preacher. St Francis of Assisi:
"For when, as very often happened, he was preaching God's word among many thousands of people, Francis was as confident as if he had been speaking with an intimate companion. He saw the greatest concourse of people as one man, and to one man he preached most carefully, as if to a multitude. His purity of mind furnished him with confidence in preaching; and without premeditation he would utter things wonderful and unheard before by all. Sometimes, however, it happened, if he had meditated his sermon beforehand, that when the people were come together he had forgotten what he had thought of, and could not say anything else. Then, without any embarrassment, he confessed to the people that he had thought of many things beforehand of which he could remember nothing at all, and suddenly he would be filled with such eloquence that he moved his hearers to admiration. At other times, however, when he could say nothing, he dismissed the people with his blessing, having by that alone preached to them most effectually."
But the thing is, if I do not feel the joy, if I do not have it to share, I know I need to pray before I try to reach out.
