Stop controlling my life!!!

[Chococat]

No this post is not aimed at anyone here. It's just I am ABSOLUTELY FED UP with people controlling my life. My late parents who were good people were pretty controlling at times and now I have a friend who thinks she can control me.

For instance this friend is heavily into Keep Fit and aerobics and seems to think I should be the same! We have been going to an aerobics class on Thursdays for a while but I have got rather fed up with it partly because aerobics is not really my cup of tea and partly because I'm not keen on the lady that runs the class as she has a tendency to make fun of people myself included. I don't believe she means any harm, it's just a way but I don't like folk like that. Don't get me wrong I have a sense of humor and like joking around with my friends but that's different. The other week this lady made a joke at my expense and I felt like I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me especially when everyone laughed. Maybe it is me being oversensitive but I don't like it at all.

Well this week I told this controlling friend that I would not go to the aerobics class because I wanted to stop in and watch the England World Cup match which happened to be true. She obviously didn't like this and asked me why I no longer wanted to go the classes. I truthfully told her I didn't like the manner of the lady who ran them. She then told me I was "taking things too personally" and even said I was partly to blame for the teasing because of my attitude and how I "made excuses" not to join in with the exercises. She also accused me of "messing people around". I angrily told her it was my life and I could do what I want and she didn't like that at all. In the end we had a bit of a fight and I was really upset.

I admit I didn't handle it very well so after I had a good cry at home I rang her to apologise for my part in it. She accepted my apology but still defended her behavior and didn't apologise for making it seem like it was ALL my fault! Thankfully I think she finally got the message that I don't want to go to the aerobics class! However what I would love is if JUST FOR ONCE my friend took responsibility for her own bad behavior instead of making me feel like it was MY fault and MINE alone! I'm also still hurt that she seemed to side with the lady who runs the class and make out I am the one with the problem. I still feel full of shame, anger and hurt. Why do even my friends feel they can walk all over me and put me down at times!!!

 

[aflower4God]

Hi there my dear sweet loving sister. First a ((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))) for all that you went through. I don't blame you for being hurt one bit. As you well know I am VERY SENSITIVE as well. I would have probably gotten angry too. I am glad that you and your dear friend made amends.
People are just so thoughtless when they say things that are just plain MEAN, like that woman in the aerobics class. I too would probably want to just faint of humiliation.
Just know that I am praying for you sweet sis and that you are a huge blessing to me and many others. (((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

[power2theweak]

(((hugs)))

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi Chococat, I know this can be hard to do, but why not pull your aerobics instructor aside and tell her how she made you feel the other day .. You don't need to back her into a corner about it, in fact, try to be kind, but tell her that you joined her class because you are concerned about staying healthy and that you want to continue to go, but that being made fun of in front of everyone was humiliating and only makes you want to leave and not come back. If you receive an immediate apology (and you should), problem solved. If you don't, or if she makes excuses like your friend did to justify herself, move on! Surely you must have better ways to spend your hard earned money than paying someone to make you feel bad ..

Of course, if you don't want to confront your present teacher, then find another class to join .. Most trainers I've had the pleasure to know and work with are loud, but they never use ad hominem attacks! Rather, they encourage me in a positive way (push me) so that I push myself to get the most out of each workout. I'll bet you won't have to look to far beyond where you are now to find a place with trainers like that (as I really do believe they are the norm).

Praying for you!

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - Don't forget to pray for your instructor before you see her again, for both of your sakes ..

 

[Winter]

Chococat, I totally hear what you are saying. I've had difficult folks like that in my life, except I just walk away from them - or rather, I throw them out. People have to learn to be respectful of boundaries and not impose themselves on others. You did right for defending yourself - it shows you won't and can't be controlled by anyone. You stood up for yourself! Good for you! You just have to decide if you can stand being around this person again. I'm a "bah-hum-bug" cranky sort of person that just walks away from these kinds of people, but sticking by a friend can be a good thing too. Whatever you decide just continue being the good person you are.

 

[Chococat]

Thanks to all who replied. I'm still friends with this lady and in fact she and I were out for a meal with a lot of other mutual friends to celebrate her hubby's b/day and things were fine. Hopefully she will realise that it's my life and I'll do what I want (like that 60s song by Eric Burdon and the Animals ) Like I said, my parents who were good people and in many ways wonderful parents were a bit controlling but now they have both sadly passed away I realise that the only person who should be allowed to control my life is myself and God. Even then God does not control the life of anyone who does not want Him in their life because He respects our freedom.