Sticky Situation

[Rossi]

Ok so im a youth leader in my youth group.We have about thirty kids max on a Friday night.However recently the younger girls have been noticing me.Its hard because im not sure how to handle the situation.How do you side step the mines without hurting the girls?any advice would be great........

 

[AHollingshead]

Don't worry too much about it. If you know girls that age, crushes last about as it takes for a new boy to walk in the room. Use the opportunity to challenge them spiritually if you have the chance, because they'll listen to things you have to say.

But don't act any differently with them, because the "liking" thing will pass, but you've got several years ahead of ministry with them that you don't want to jeapordize.

Aaron Hollingshead
chameleonstripe.com

 

[Rossi]

cheers good advice.Thanks

 

[mikewould]

yeah, don't worry too much about it

 

[asianchexmix]

Bring new boys to the church. ;D Just kidding. Let nature take its course but always remember that you don't wanna send some signals. That would make it even stickier.

 

[dies-l]

This is probably not an uncommon problem among younger male youth leaders. It has happened to me a couple of times, and it always is terribly awkward. A couple bits of advice: on the one hand, try not to let on how awkward it is and try to treat the girl as normally as you can given the situation. On the other hand, as you indicated, it can be a sticky situation, so protect yourself. You really should never spend time alone with female youths anyway, but in these situations, you should exercise even more caution in being alone with the student. Just in case an accusation comes up, it's always best if there is another adult that can attest to the appropriateness of your conduct with the student.

In one of the cases where I encountered this type of situation, I talked to my wife about it (I think she was still my fiancee at the time), and tried to make sure she was present anytime the student would talk to me outside of youth group. In this situation, the student was sharing deeply personal struggles with me that was better suited for same-sex mentor/mentee type relationship. Since my wife was there to hear most of what she shared, she was able to take on part of that relationship with the student. I also encouraged the student to share with her small group leader. As a result, my wife and, to a lesser extent, her small group leader (a woman) became the people that she turned to with her issues. Thus, in the end, even though it started out as an uncomfortable "crush" kind of situation, it turned out that what she was really looking for a someone to listen to her and show her compassion and love. Since then, she has gotten much better at turning to same-sex adults and her peers for the kind of attention that she needs, but she and I are still comfortable with each other, because nobody ever made a big deal out of it.

That is just one example, and each case is different. The point is to let the Spirit guide you in determining what the student is really looking for. (Sometimes is it just a silly crush; sometimes there is a deeper need that is expressing itself in an inappropriate way). But, in all cases, don't make a huge deal out of it, but be smart about your interactions with the student.

I hope this helps.

 

[Kriegermädchen]

LOL, I've been one of those girls before. Cute guys are always exciting at first.

Just be friendly to them in a brotherly sort of way. Work more with the boys than the girls, and whenever possible, try to have a female leader present. If any girls want one-on-one interaction, steer them toward the female leaders.

In time, the crushes will wear off. Just be nice and try to show the same kind of love for them that Jesus would have (nothing more).

Good luck!

 

[Rossi]

all good advice thanks

 

[redneckfollowingchrist]

well our youth misister had the same problem with my best friend and well it will pass it did for her.