Step 7

[Hischild1994]

Hi all-

I'm in a recovery program. It's a support group for women. Most of the women in the group have never dealt with chemical addictions, but they are over coming issues of abuse, neglect, etc.

We follow a 12 Step workbook that is Biblically based. We just started Step 7.

Does anyone have any thoughts about step 7 that they would like to share?

 

[LoG]

Step 7. Such seemingly short step that many just quickly read and think "yes Lord, please remove all my defects of character" and then move on forgetting about it.

Thing is that it is the combination of 6&7 that gives us the hope. I tried for many years to change aspects of myself for the better but try as I might I was not able to heal myself. I would always fall back into the same old patterns again and again until I finally gave up trying out of frustration. Sometimes I seemed to succeed only to fall into the opposite extreme. Trying to fix myself was a hopeless cause but yet the church I grew up in seemed to preach that was what I had to do to be found worthy of eternal life.

As I started to work this Step I started to see results. Instead of using my willpower to change myself, I now started to ask God to remove these things whenever I noticed they came up again. Step 7 I realized was not a one time event but an ongoing process that doesn't always have an immediate effect but the changes were apparent when I looked back and realized that it had become progressively easier not not fall back into old shortcomings.

If a certain characteristic is not getting better I sometimes have to go back to Step 6 and look to see if I am honestly willing to have it removed. Sometimes I have been to afraid to let go of a certain aspect because I am not trusting God yet that He will see me through something without me resorting back to a negative characteristic or behaviour. Then I will pray for the willingness to be willing to have it removed.

Sometimes too a sin/shortcoming will crop back up a year or two down the road. This is because like the layers of an onion, I have gotten to a deeper issue and I have resorted back to the old behaviour as a protective device. Again a case of not trusting God. Instead of condemning myself I again need to practice my Step 7.

Thats my experience. Thank you for bringing it up HisChild.

 

[Hischild1994]

Thanks Lion for the response.

I've been kind of afraid of this step, mainly because I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of my shortcomings and sins.

One of my problems is smoking. I'm not sure if that falls as a sin, shortcoming, both or neither. I know that it's not good for me and I think I want to give it up, then I start wondering how I'm going to get through the day without a cigarette.

 

[LoG]

Lol, I can relate to the smoking thing since it is still one of my vices.

What comes up for me about it though is that Jesus said it isn't what goes into a man that makes him unclean but what comes out of the heart. Like my drinking was, the smoking is a symptom of deeper issues. They say nicotine is often used as an anger suppressant so maybe I need to deal with that more and the day will come when the cigarrettes will be easy to stop.

To me Step 7 is more about my pride, selfishness, self-centeredness, various forms of fear etc. Those are the defects and shortcomings that make my life unmanageble and full of discontent. It was through the fourth Step that I recognized that these characteristics were actually blocking me from both God and my "neighbour".
Some of those negative characteristics were actually quite dear to me even though I saw the consequences of them in my life. For those, I went back to Step 6 and prayed for the willingness. As a result, God started to show me over time their ramifications and I became much more willing for Him to remove them

 

[Hischild1994]

Smoking is just one of the many vices that I'm scared to give up.

My husband is an ex-smoker. Since I am the only smoker in the house, I go outside to smoke. (Also, my husband would have a huge fit if I did smoke in the house.)

Whenever we have a fight, the only place that I can go to get away from him is out to the front porch to have a smoke. If I go anywhere else, he follows me. So I use that as a reason to keep smoking.

Yes, it is away for me to avoid my anger with the issue at hand. However, my husband gets verbally abusive (although he is working on that) and this is a good way to get away. But it does keep me from from standing up for myself which is not good.

 

[LoG]

I'm a little curious as to the type of fourth Step you did. Is there a format available online by chance?

In the type of fourth I did, the focus was not about my vices (as I understand the word) since they are the external manifestations of deeper character flaws. When I look for the removal of a vice then the character flaw still remains. This eventually will lead to a different vice or a slip back into the old one.

As an example I will use my alcoholism. It was a vice which before I did the Steps, I had often asked God to remove. Perhaps He answered that prayer but because the root cause of my alcoholism wasn't removed, I substituted with another vice and eventually relapsed back into the alcoholism.

What I really needed removed as I found out later was the root causes. These as i have mentioned were things like fear, selfishness, self-centeredness, etc.
As these were removed the obsession to drink was lifted as well as a few other vices.

I apologize if I am misinterpreting how you mean the word "vice". Just trying to be clear here.

Feel free to PM me if you prefer that route.