Statement Regarding Last Night

Well, it's been one night (four nights since I made those posts) and now that it's morning, I'm waking up and thinking about what I've done. I don't want the mods to close this thread. And to those who have been posting about me on IIDB that I'm the worst thing since Hitler... hey... can you link the people to this post please? Yeah, thanks.

First off, I'm going to sincerely apologize for what I said last night regarding the suicide thing. It was wrong, and yeah, two of those three posts I made were a knee-jerk reaction. (Probably the only reason why I got two points instead of three).

I thought I'd tell you all the reason regarding last night. Behind the anonymity in the internet, there's a college student here who has been through a lot in only 21 years. Like I've stated, I too, was once a suicidal person. I didn't enjoy it. It sucked. It was like living in Hell every day of your life, and no one really cared too much. I guess I can say I ain't COMPLETELY over it, but enough that I can control my own emotions and prevent myself from going completely over the edge.

Anyway, I apologize Mrs. Sidhe, praying, Lisa, (did I forget anyone else?... seriously, I think I forgot a few people).

For those who think I'm apparently worse than a troll, think to yourself something. I made one mistake. Didn't even know I made that mistake until I was singled out for it on a thread that included a Youtube video on how to fake your own death, amongst other comments. I don't know what other people's responses would've been if they realized they become the target, but I doubt the first thing that people would say would be to apologize. Maybe for their actions, but not for EVERYTHING.

I definitely did not expect to have my personality judged on a few posts out of the 11,000+ I've made on CF, another 100 on IIDB, and another 1,000 or so on forums across the net, but if this is how people will remember me by, well, I guess at least I got my wish of being remembered.

I don't know if I wanna stay or not. I think I'll leave it up to the rest of you guys. My knee-jerk reaction was to leave, but again, I have a reason for that. I usually leave so that people do not have to keep harassing me further. I've actually been attacked for a lot worse, if you can believe that, under other names. This isn't my first go-around, and it probably won't be my last. Probably won't even be my last under THIS name, as I have a tendency to tick people off (and I admit to it).

I do have a few additional comments to say.

* Like I said in the mock election thread, I can't get mad at Moriah. I don't quite know what gender he/she is, but he/she just sounds too cool. Can we be friends after this?

* I do have other comments on... uh... top of these comments that I want to save until a few days out. If you want to hear those, you can PM me. But for right now, it's not really the appropriate time. I want to clear my name, above all else first.

* (EDIT: If above all else, the guys over at IIDB were DEAD-ON on one thing. Pride. This I have much of. And I'm not ashamed to admit that. It's one of the seven deadly sins, and I wouldn't recommend anyone getting it, but I think this is one deadly sin that'll carry me to the grave, just because of the way I was raised.)

I've said my piece. I HONESTLY did not know how serious my comments were for one, especially since I didn't think I'd be the one singled out. When I was, I thought that if I apologized for violating policy, which... apparently... was supposed to be... that would be enough, and that wasn't. So this is my full sincere apology.

Take it for what you want of it. Just remember not to judge a person by only a few posts. I'm not a fundie by any means of the imagination, and I've proven that through 11,000+ posts. If I have to prove it all over again, might as well... helps me move up to the next job that much quicker. But again, I'd rather the prosecutors determine what I should do with my CF account from here, rather than anyone else.

I don't care what you decide, whether for me to leave or go. I had a fun time here, it was a blast. I'd rather stay than go, but again, it wouldn't matter to me either way.

So I'll wait for your responses.

And I'll write another post in a few days.

P.S. I made some edits, so please if you already read this... DON'T quote me until you press F5. Thanks.

Bleh. I did forget one thing.

For those of you who have been using me as a "thermometer" (best word I can think of) to judge Christians... stop it. You know better than that. I've already said on many of my posts here that I'm far from the best Christian there is, and I've never admitted to being a shining example, nor have I ever, to my knowledge, judged people on moral/religious superiority. I have a thing against that, if you haven't noticed.

Rochir said:

I agree with others that your (and others!) comments in that suicide thread were quite inappropriate! ALL of us sometimes do stupid things and ... yes, this was pretty stupid, Harp!

HOWEVER, that those feeling offended then start threads just to flaunt their righteous indignation and rake you and the others of the coals openly, in my book, is as inappropriate and in bad taste! And deserving warnings at least!

I am glad you found these words here, and I hope that fences will be mended soon!

God bless!

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Ooh no, I knew they were inappropriate from the beginning (I should say, uh, from the beginning of this confrontation). LOL. I even said I read the CF rules and I was like... ooh yeah, I did a boo-boo there.

As for the rest of that, I don't think it's the time to talk about that right now man. I mean, when you think about it, if you attack them over me, then what about all the others who have been trolling the forums for years? SoF? Clirus? Brent? Shouldn't they deserve some sort of compensation too? It's not like I'm any more human than the others.

sacredsin said:

Aww..I'm kind of out of the loop on this situation, but regardless...

It takes a lot of courage to come in here and make a statement after the fact, and for that you deserve kudos.

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I'd put you back in the loop if you wanted. LOL.

Oh right, to everyone, if you have IM or something, and you want to IM me, PM me.

sacredsin said:

Lol, yes, it would be nice to be put back in the loop, thank you very much!

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Got a violation for making joking comments about a girl who posted in a blog she was gonna die in 90 days. Turns out it was fake. Anyway, I was reported, someone posted a thread about my horrible comments, I took knee-jerk reactions (as I almost always do, and many don't even know it) to try to solve those problems, and they made things worse. I'm apologizing for the whole thing and hoping that they all move on.

And I don't know if I'm going to stay on CF after all this... even if Mrs. Sidhe, the person who reported me, thinks I should be clear.

Rochir said:

Oh for crying out loud! ANYONE placing you in the same league as thse you mentioned indeed need their m&e compass adjusted!

Saying - from what I have seen you have NEVER (not eve in this incident) been as bad as some others!

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Never said that. I meant that everyone, at one point or another, has made a judgment about one person (including me), without thinking twice about their actions. Think about what I did with 90DayJane. Same thing. Can you really blame them? Emotions do get the better of us sometimes. Last night I think was one of those few nights that it got the better of me.

Besides, I'll talk about that in a few days. The entire point here is I'm here to answer questions and to clear my name. That's it.

sacredsin said:

Ouch. I just read some of the thread that was made in response to your comments and its pretty harsh. Although if I had read everything, I may not have agreed with your opinion, but again this is a debate forum. If people can't handle others having differing opinions then thats your loss. If you were rude, who cares, because you're apologetic now. People have knee jerk reactions all the time, it doesn't make you or anyone else bad people.

I'm not saying either side is right or wrong, but why should either side waste the energy arguing. You did a good thing coming here to clear your name and I applaud you for that.

Don't leave CF over this incident though. This is only one thing and it will be forgotten soon enough as things usually are here. If you need a break thats fine, but why would you let this event bring an end to your membership?

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Again, it's something I wanna save for later. Now isn't the time. If you want me to tell you over PM, I will.

You can say there were a lot of lessons to be learned for me on Valentine's Day.