Starting over

Tink04 · Feb 10, 2008

Well that's how I feel at the moment. Like I'm trying to start my adult life all over again. Only now I have 4 kids in tow.

I'm needing to figure out how to find the assistance I need to get a descent job. I need to find out who to talk to about getting daycare subsidy.

I've been a stay at home mom and have never really had a job. I need training and don't know how to get it. I also need some financial help here because I have no money.

Don't bother to tell me to return to my husband. He's been abusive to me in every form of the word.

sweetangelmum · Feb 11, 2008

I am not sure of the services where you are but I am sure if you rang a welfare agency they should be able to step you thought the process or a social worker.

Is your dh any help with money as wouldn't be have to pay spousal support? Or maybe you could ask him to pay for some of your education costs?

SearcherKris · Feb 11, 2008

Me too, Tink. It's very much like a return to adolescence.

In our state, we have an information phone number we can call which directs to state resources. Is there a number like that in Canada?

JohnDB · Feb 11, 2008

Well...if she is in Canada it is one of the few countries that if her husband decides to contest the divorce at all she is in a wold of a mess.

He can make her spend money like it was water to get a divorce...it is a country where he can make her what the bible refers to as a "put away wife". In other words they will still be legally married in the Government's eyes but recieve no spousal support at all unless he decides to get divorced.

She will recieve no government support at all if she is married and he has a good paying job. Even though she has left with the children and is in all rights a divorced woman in truth...but legally she isn't and therefore in a big fix. If there is any private agency that can assist her I don't know of one...there are lots here in America...but she doesn't live there. She is Canadian.

She is going to need a "no contest" type divorce and alimony from him in order to make it...and he has every reason not to do so...and from what she has said about him being abusive...he likely won't.

I wish there was something I can do but I am ignorant of any groups there in Canada that can do that sort of thing.

Praying for you honey...survival is going to be your top priority at the moment. I hope you find some kind of job soon...and then living quarters.

Tink04 · Feb 11, 2008

She will recieve no government support at all if she is married and he has a good paying job. Even though she has left with the children and is in all rights a divorced woman in truth...but legally she isn't and therefore in a big fix. If there is any private agency that can assist her I don't know of one...there are lots here in America...but she doesn't live there. She is Canadian.

This is the only part of it that isn't correct.
Right now I am on Social Assistance. I have been for a couple of months now. As long as everything is out of his name and I don't receive any money from him I can receive assistance.

The rest of it is all true though. He could burry me in divorce costs and keep me bound to him for as long as he wants too. One girl in our Divorce Care group has been trying to get divorced for 4 years now.

But because I'm not divorced there are a lot of things I can't qualify for.
Right now I can't even get any child support.

sweetangelmum · Feb 11, 2008

Is that because you left him?

Seems silly to me in Australia you get loads of support if you leave your spouse and the has to pay child support it is mandatory. Though a lot of guys dont pay.

All I can think of is get a social worker on board to talk though your options.

FaithfulWife · Feb 11, 2008

I'm so sorry you're going through this Tink. It's hard enough to face the destruction of your family and the loss of the one you thought would be there for you for a lifetime--but to have to put up with government bureaucracy at such a time is just insane.

Praying for you that the Lord will give you wisdom to see your way through the maze.
Praying for you that find a decent job that will support you and your children
Praying for you that God will provide for you all that you need, so that you feel confident that you can lean on Him

Please note though that I will not be praying for "patience" because it has been my experience that if you pray for patience God sends you situations for which you have to BE patient Instead, I will pray that God will reveal to you His timing.

~Faithful

Divinah · Feb 11, 2008

The Lord your Maker is your husband.
The Lord almighty is his name
the Holy one of Isreal, he is your redeemer;
He is called the God of all the Earth
The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife
deserted and distressed in spirit
a wife who married young
only to be rejected, says your God
"for a breif moment I abandoned you
but with deep compassion I will bring you back ...
In a surge of anger I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you"
Isaiah 54:5-8

WHAT A PROMISE AND WHAT A PROVIDER!

Yeah, it's hard to advise without knowing what Canada offers. I would think if your on aide there that they would offer childcare resources and training/job placement since usually their goal is to get you off. Even if that seems worlds away for you. So many people just want to sit on aide so they may not be offered...you may have to ask and lookinto what resources are available. They may even offer housing assistance. I think it's wonderful that your in a divorcee group...that must help alot.

I do pray God's Grace and Instruction in your situation...read Isaiah 54...My Bible stays open to it in my house always.

Be Blessed.

GodsChild74 · Feb 12, 2008

I have to tell you that I totally understand where you are at. When my ex left me and my two kids he took the house out from under us, emptied the bank account, left and never looked back. It took us over two years to get divorced, and even then it was if I only signed away my rights to his retirement ect. All I can tell you is hang in there. I will try and do some research (Im good at that lol) on canadian laws and what some of your rights are. I was a stay at home mom too and had never really worked either. So I went back to school got my AS degree worked in a junk food restaurant and found loving people to help me with my daycare. Seek and ye shall find. Hang in there sweety. We're here to help!
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Tink04 · Feb 12, 2008

No SweetAngel, it's not because I left him.
I can't receive child support because I am on SA, they take it all. He's also been stalling and playing games so he doesn't have to start paying it.

I don't get spousal support because I'm not divorced and with his "You will ALWAYS be my wife" comment I'm sure it's going to be awhile before I am. SA would take it anyway even if he would agree to pay it.

Thanks Faithful wife, Divinah, rma for your encouragement and prayers. John you too.

Right now if I don't get more education I really don't have a hope of getting off SA. I can't get a job that would pay me enough.

I did some searching online last night and found that I can get a grant for education if I am a single parent. I have to find out if that includes the fact that I am not divorced or not. I also need to figure out how to apply for it.

I also found out that I can stay on SA for as long as I am in school. I would rather be dirt poor for the next year and get a certificate then to struggle for who knows how long, barely making enough money, working at the grocery store.

GodsChild74 · Feb 12, 2008

Your headed in the right direction sweety. Hold on tight to the hope that God will see you through this. I know my school gave me the funds for the single mom thing even though my divorse wasnt final. But you are deffinatly on the right path. Lots of prayers your way.

GodsChild74 · Feb 20, 2008

How are you doing?

Tink04 · Feb 20, 2008

rma74 said:
How are you doing?

You changed your name. I like it!

Lots Of STUFF going on.

My sons school might close down. He has learning disabilities and has a bit of asperger's, so he is in a special private school. He is really doing well there and is happy to be going to school.
Because this is the schools first year and can't get Government funding they are running out of money. If they can stay open till next year they will be fine, because THEN they will have Government funding.

It was God that he even got into this school in the first place. The tuition was $12000 and someone paid it for me. The school called me and said he had been sponsored. I didn't even tell anyone that I was thinking about this school because I didn't think it was possible.

I'm believing that since God wanted him in the school in the first place he can keep it open.

I made the tough decision to go on anti-depressants. I'm not weepy or sad, my self esteem is good. I'm just way too stressed. I'm distracted, forgetting important things, can't think straight and feeling very tired and unmotivated all the time.

But my body seems to overreact to them. I tried two of them already and they were really bad. this third one is going well but now I find out social assistance doesn't cover this one. It's $80 a month I don't have right now.

I'm either going to have to fight to get it paid for or try yet another one and hope it goes well.

That was my bad news I'll write my good news in my next post.

Tink04 · Feb 20, 2008

Good news.

The grocery store I shop at is a Co-op and it does profit sharing. I got my cheque today. It's just over $200. If I spend it on groceries, I just hand them back the cheque and it's like I never had it. I won't have to declare it and SA won't take it off my cheque. (yes I have looked into the legalities of this, it is totally legal)

So now I won't have to worry about groceries.

I'm still working on the school stuff. It looks like I should be able to get most of it paid for. I'm going to have to do a lot of work to get it and apply for several different grants and bursaries but it does look like it's a go. If I have a loan at all in the end, it will be very small.

Now I just need to figure out what I want to do, and what school I want to go to.

GodsChild74 · Feb 20, 2008

Im glad your hanging in there.

Trust God that your sons school will stay open. Your right, God wanted him there, so he is. Because of that reason, God will provide a way to keep the school going and your son will be fine. I will keep that in my prayers.

There is nothing wrong with being on anti depressants. I my self are on them, I have trouble with anxiety and depression at times. Keep in mind that this is a chemical imbalance in your brain and the meds are allowing the chemicals to be produced to balance you out. Just stay on top of it and make sure you are on the right meds and the right dose. You know how your body should feel. Dont let the Dr. bully you into something you know makes you feel weird. Research the medication. I like webmd my self. See the side effects, what the results should be, ect. Being in the medical field has taught me a lot and given me control over the medication I will or can take. Hang in there, it wont last forever.

You are going through alot, so cut yourself a break. There is so much on your plate. You will make it. With God all things are possible. Your going back to school. I am so proud of you. It is a huge step in the right direction. Go with something you have always been interested in or you might find yourself unhappy with the job you end up with after you graduate. Enjoy school. Even though it was hard for me, I loved it. Every second of it. I believe you will too.

I will be praying for you my friend. PM me any time you need to talk. I am here for you. I have been in your shoes. Take care and God bless.

Michelle
GodsChild74

P.S. Totally cool on the food issue. See God is working on your side.

Tink04 · Feb 20, 2008

GodsChild74 said:
Dont let the Dr. bully you into something you know makes you feel weird.

The Dr's not trying to bully me. He's working with me to try and find something that works. It's social assistance that is giving me problems. They don't want to pay for this drug,, that is working, because it costs more. The Dr has given me a bunch of samples to get me by for now. I'm going to have to fight it out with them.

Enjoy school. Even though it was hard for me, I loved it. Every second of it. I believe you will too.

I think I will enjoy it too. I didn't like school much when I was there the first time but I really enjoy learning. I've home-schooled my kids for the last few years. It was tiring and fun at the same time.

Thanks for your prayers and I will PM you some time.

HuntingMan · Feb 20, 2008

Tink04 said:
This is the only part of it that isn't correct.
Right now I am on Social Assistance. I have been for a couple of months now. As long as everything is out of his name and I don't receive any money from him I can receive assistance.

The rest of it is all true though. He could burry me in divorce costs and keep me bound to him for as long as he wants too. One girl in our Divorce Care group has been trying to get divorced for 4 years now.

But because I'm not divorced there are a lot of things I can't qualify for.
Right now I can't even get any child support.

Just one more reason why I really wish the church had not turned Gods marriage covenant over to godless ceaser and his cronies who use human misery for profit.
No licensing means when a spouse does this sort of thing we can just walk away as we should be able to.

ShainaBrina · Feb 25, 2008

Remember that you are legally separated. Living apart makes you defacto separated. You should be able to qualify for things based on that. You are a single mother.

I'm not sure how it works in Alberta but, you should be able to qualify for Legal Aid to help you obtain that divorce or at least get a separation agreement and set child support/alimentary payments. Seems the biggest hurdle is the separation of assets. There should be government tables that set the amount of child support.

I've recently discovered that I can file for divorce myself. You probably can too after you've been separated for a year. This is a cheap way of doing it and you can do it with or without his consent. HOWEVER this does not get you a division of property, so you need to establish that first. Seems that is the cheapest way of doing things if you can't qualify for legal aide.

If you have the estranged ones cooperation you can file a joint application or a do it yourself separation agreement.

Blessings
Shaina

GodsChild74 · Feb 26, 2008

Hang in there girl. We are all prayen for you. Remember Gods timing is perfect. That was a hard lesson for me, but trust me, it is perfect. Keep in mind that your prayers are not falling on deaf ears. He hears you and is waiting for His perfect time to make it all fall into place for you. In the mean time keep tying a knot at the end of your rope and we will continue to encourage you.

Love ya and prayen for ya.
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Tink04 · Feb 26, 2008

Oh my, I can't believe I didn't tell you all my good news.

Thursday last week I got an unexpected letter from revenue Canada. I got back pay on my child tax credit. It seems they finally got notice that my family income has been drastically reduced. I got a big lump sum, plus I'm going to be receiving more every month. I should have enough now to pay for all my bills, and my prescription as well.

So now that I have some extra money I planned on getting my van fixed.

I went to church last night to sing. While I was there I spoke with a mechanic about fixing my van. (the engine is leaking and burning oil) He said he wouldn't fix it. It would cost to much for the age of the vehicle.

I'm standing there not knowing what to do. I can't afford a new vehicle and mine is leaking so bad I can't keep driving it the way it is.

The man who gave me flowers last spring, who fixed my tires was there. He asked me what year my van was and what colour it was. He just so happens to have the exact same van sitting in his driveway. He had just gotten new tires on it and the transmission fixed when someone plowed into the passenger door. They wrecked it enough that it wouldn't close. He decided he needed a new vehicle anyway so it's been sitting in his driveway ever since.

He's giving me his van and he's going to put my door on it. So now I have a van that doesn't leek. That will actually heat up so it doesn't keep stalling when it's cold. Has new tires on it. That just so happens to be the exact same make and model as mine. AND....... just so happens to be the exact same colour so the door won't even be missed matched. (Very important to us girls you know)

Starting over

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I am FREED by the GRACE of GOD!

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