Sruggling so much!

[RachelZ]

I can't believe how far back I've gone...I am struggling so much and feel so anxious. I keep trying to apply what I've learnt about ERP...it seems to help some of my OCD things where I know that what I'm being compelled to do is irrational...but with my main issue or anything where doubt is stronger it just seems to make me ruminate conciously less yet my auto-scan seems almost permanently switched on. I try and think "well maybe thats true" when I think something anxiety provoking and then I feel really sad. It used to be that in my more clear headed moments things felt more positive but even that seems to have changed and I can sometimes feel like I'm having a moment of clarity yet it feels negative. I then fear that because I feel that plus the ERP seeming to work on some stuff that maybe my main issue isn't mainly OCD.

I keep feeling terrible...I'm trying to act as if I don't but it's exhausting. Sorry to moan...I don't know what else to do. Hope you're all OK...thanks, Rachel

 

[Jayangel81]

Prayers are with you.

If you ever wanna talk PM me anytime

~

James

 

[Ariel]

I am praying for you Rachel.

Something that always helps me when I'm struggling is to open my Bible and go to the Psalms. I just read until God's peace comes over me--especially Psalms 1, 23, 34, 37, 42, 46, 91, 119, 139. Often I don't just read--I pray them.

Since I have never had OCD I don't know if this will help. It may--God's peace is God's peace, available to each of us when we seek it.

Remember your Father in heaven loves you.

 

[QUannie]

Prayed for you Rachel!!!

Q

 

[forgiveable]

I see in your avatar that you are standing on a beach.. I bet if you could see further down the beach behind you.. you would find one set of footprints , where He carried you

Don't give up! He won't either.....
~B

 

[RachelZ]

Thankyou JayAngel, Ariel, QUannie and Forgiveable...your prayers and wisdom are much appreciated. I also asked my minister to pray with me yesterday and I do have to say I feel better than I have done for a while...I only hope it lasts. I had a thought this morning which threatened to throw me off course but I've tried to let it go and just live with the uncertainty. Recently I was thinking about stuff and some thoughts came to me regarding why the ERP works more readily for some stuff and is harder for others...I don't know if they were thoughts from God or not, or if I'm at least on the right track. I'd be interested to know what others think. Basically I think what I was thinking was along the lines of the things which I KNOW have no rational basis ie being compelled to count or read something are easier to apply ERP too. The feelings can be really intense and hard but it's easier to stick with it cos I know that there's no good reason to give in to the compulsion. However, for my relationship concerns or when I get hung up on things I buy being exactly right, or stuff to do with God, or apologising to someone or worrying about something or other things where there's more areas of grey it's harder to apply the ERP cos the temptation is to keep thinking you're ignoring a real problem. BUT...that dosn't mean it's not OCD just that it's those things which matter more to me and are more complex to deal with. Does that make sense?

Thanks again to you all...hope you have a good week and had a good weekend...take care, Rachel

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Rachel to answer your question about why ERP works so well for some and not as well for other obsessions... many OCD'ers can see that their compulsions or obsessions are by nature irrational. "I know it's irrational but I can't help but count, or check the locks 10 times, etc." There is something to be said about obsessions that seem "irrational" and ones that seem less rational. I think pure obsessional themes (spirituality, relationships, sexual obsessions, harm, etc.) are less black-and-white. We cannot see the irrationality of it all. It is more gray than other obsessions because they are quite honestly, real problems that real people without OCD deal with all the time.

No matter what the OCD theme, the threat is always real. I may look at someone and think "wow, it's irrational to wash your hands 20 times," and they can look at me and think "gee, worrying about whether or not you're saved? that seems like a piece of cake!" For us pure o's, I think we are more inclined to see the irrationality of "classic" OCD (washing, counting, checking, etc.) and less inclined to see the irrationality of our own obsessional themes. Personally I do believe there is more of a gray area with pure o themes than with classic OCD themes, but each type is painful and difficult to deal with.

With pure o themes, you have a hard time figuring out the compulsion in some cases. Like the automatic scanning, it's a compulsion. I did not know how to stop this until I saw the Philipson video. Essentially you want to "pigeon hole" the thoughts or scanning of thoughts/emotions. So if you find yourself automatically checking for a feeling, say to yourself "a ha! I got you! You're sneaky, but I figured you out. You go into the 'OCD box.' " Then turn your attention back to the topic of your choice. It's kind of like labeling the thought, and then choosing to go on with your activity. Hard, but comitted practice does yield results!

 

[RachelZ]

Thanks so much Sad...that makes a lot of sense. Yes I can see that with some of my less pure O stuff like counting or checking etc it is difficult yet the irationality of it helps me apply the ERP or mindfulness. But with the more Pure O stuff there is more grey and like you said we can't say that people without OCD don't have the same concerns. Nobody without OCD would feel they needed to wash their hands twenty times yet lots of people worry bout their salvation, relationships, etc. That's not to deny the unique difficulties people with the more ritualistic OCD suffer.

Thanks for the wisdom and advice...I'll try doing the pigeon holing thing. Hope you're well...take care, Rachel

 

[QUannie]

Rachel,
how are you doing? just wanted to check in with you!!?

Q

 

[RachelZ]

Hi QuUnnie...sorry I've only just read your post as I haven't been on for a little while. Thanks ever so much for your concern...it's really kind of you. I've been a bit better thanks though it feels a bit fragile. Last night having felt better re. my relationship worries I started to feel anxious re. God stuff...it just makes me think that no matter what the anixety will ground in something...unless I can somehow deal with the root cause which I am trying to do.

Thanks ever so much again...how are you? Hope you're doing well...take care, Rachel

 

[forgiveable]

RachelZ,
Hey I have been reading Grace abounding to the chief of sinners by John Bunyan and much of what you have been descring is exactly like the struggle this gentleman had. I don't know ifyou have already read it but I do know that he overcame it. Thought this might help. I know you can get it or order it at Barnes and Noble.. I went ahead and ordered from ebay. Hope it helps
With Love ~ Brandi

 

[RachelZ]

Thanks so much Brandi...I have heard of it...glad it's helping you. Yes I should get a hold of a copy...it certainly sounds like an interesting read! Thanks again, hope you're doing OK...take care, Rachel

 

[MandyG]

I totally have been feeling this way about the gray area with pure o. I too am very able to stop the rituals of classic OCD however the pure o obsessions are so difficult. I am going to research the ERP treatment more in depth, I am still very new to all of this. I am interested in the "Philipson video" I am going to order that book "Grace abounding to the chief of sinners". Thank you Sad & Forgiveable for the suggestions.