Spouses of addicts

[pilgrimdon]

Justcallmejamie,

I just wanted you to know I am still praying for your situation. I came from a very good group tonite and felt so encouraged and i was reminded of so many others and their families that i have discussed things with online and felt obligated to offer my prayers and tell you that I want so much for you to find Gods hand moving in your situation.
Peace be with you....

 

[justcallmejamie]

Justcallmejamie,

I just wanted you to know I am still praying for your situation. I came from a very good group tonite and felt so encouraged and i was reminded of so many others and their families that i have discussed things with online and felt obligated to offer my prayers and tell you that I want so much for you to find Gods hand moving in your situation.
Peace be with you....

Thank you sir, i apprectiate it, God is good thank you for your prayers

 

[pilgrimdon]

Has anyone heard of this organization http://www.recoverforever.com/?hop=gmts1 the enlist an alternative approach to recovery.

Heresaportion of an article on Co-Dependency


Friends And Families: The Codependent Enablers

Addiction Recovery-​

Alcohol Addiction-

Drug Addiction-

Alcoholism-

Drug Abuse-

Alcohol Abuse-

The AA Alternative


ALCOHOLISM & DRUG ADDICTION TREATMENT ALTERNATIVE



I'm back. Man, things were going so good for the last week and a half. I can't take anymore. I am tired of being run over and made to look like the fool. How come he can't see how bad he is hurting me and humiliating me. I am to the point where I want to say I hate him. I know I can't though. I am at the breaking point now. I am a basketcase turned upside down in every direction. I give up. I am so tired of crying. I want it to be over now. One lie leads to another lie and there is no trust anymore for any situation. I am sorry but all my emotions are out right now along with a migraine that I have had all day. What does he do but decides he needs to leave for a little while with all his excuses of what he has to do. LIAR LIAR LIAR!!! He's a drug head turning into a THUG all over again. All I want to do is just screammmmmmm! I want out of this situation and fast. What would be my first step. I am on the verge of a fast approaching nervous breakdown."
..From the mail bag


The "Forgotten Five-Steps" Workbook
An empowering approach to an old problem!

THE SARCASM​

So how do you like being an enabler and codependent? It is unfortunate, but your desire to continue helping someone struggling with alcohol or drugs has put you in a new category of human existence.

Who would of ever known that somewhere deep down inside you there lingered a desire to be completely miserable? You must love misery because look at all the things you put up with being a friend or spouse to an alcohol or drug user! Why?

Because you are an enabler and enabling allows you to stay in a relationship because your fear of being alone is greater than the experience of your spouse’s addictive behavior. You depend on your spouse so much that you enable him/her to continue the addiction thereby making you a codependent. Once codependent, your life is no longer yours but becomes enmeshed with the addicts. You are just as sick as they are and will probably have to attend some sort of self-help meeting, or subject yourself to years of counseling in order to regain any resemblance of a normal life. Don’t believe me? Ask a professional or self-help group member.

THE TRUTH​

But I will not tell you any of this! It is just not true. In fact it is the most destructive and misguided information out there. When did it become a sickness, disorder, or disease to love!



Two aspects of change:


1)They must decide they want to change.
-Focus on the positives of the person struggling with alcohol or drugs. Why? Because they already know their life is a mess. What they don’t know is if they have the ability to climb out of this mess.

-Low self-esteem is an issue here. Self-esteem may be confused with sobriety. One does not regain an instant positive self-image simply by becoming sober.

Self-esteem is often associated with particular actions. A belief occurs that if I do such and such then I am a good person and I will remain sober. Instead of emphasizing that personal worth is present when one believes it is.

2) They must believe they can change and that changing will improve life circumstances.
- Proper support and peer groups must be present here. Remember we all rise or fall to the expectation of our peers.

Family and friends of those who use alcohol or drugs may have a hard time determining exactly what can be done. Talking with others who have been through the process can help, but I would encourage seeking out those with diverse views and experience. There is no “one way” to deal with someone who suffers with alcohol and drug use. Determine what you want your life to be about, set goals and boundaries, and realize that you do not control the behavior and choices of the addicted person. Follow your instincts and heart. And remember, you are not sick because you care!




Anybody know of them??? Or had persoanl experience with this approach??

 

[FreedIntheLord]

i dont do anyting secular my friend but thanks for the advice.

faithnprayer..how long have you been seperated and how many times has this happened?

There are 12 step support groups for Christians, they are Celebrate Recovery and Alcoholics for Christ. I am sure that if you look them up online you can find a meeting. I do have personal experience and I would be glad to share. I have experienced the love of Christ and healings at meetings and retreats. They use the Bible verses with the steps. Celebrate Recovery is from the Pastor from Saddleback Church and the 40 Days of Purpose. At least I think that is their origin. The Alcoholics for Christ was started in Michigan and has meetings all over the world. There is comfort and hope. But, we have to work the steps and there are no quick fixes for the alcoholic or the family member. I am a recovering alcoholic, family member and adult child. I mostly go to the substance abuse tables, but in the past I have been to the others, too. Still recovering. My heart goes out to you ladies living with a substance abuser, I hate my life to feel out of control. I always have to get my focus back on the Lord. Just take it one day at a time, post here and get to meetings. It is hard to go, but once you get there you will feel like you found a safe haven. I do.