Spouse wants to move to his hometown

[britty]

I’m looking for advice on ways to help change my outlook on my husbands decision to move us to his hometown. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and just had our first child. We live and work in the city, but definitely agree we want to raise our family in a small town and move to the country. We both grew up that way and want that for our kids. currently we are centrally located between our families. Mine is 2 hours south, his is 2 hours north. Before we were married, we discussed his desire to move back to his hometown to grow his client based business, plant roots, as well as fulfill his responsibilities to his family farm when the day comes that his dad can no longer. I truly love that about him. The plan was I would stay home with the kids and do freelance work as I have time which sounds great to me. I was reluctantly on board as it also means I’d be moving 4 hours from my family. Well fast forward to now that we have a baby I’m not looking forward to being farther away from my family. My husband is not willing to entertain the idea of staying put between our families. I find myself turning negative and combative every time he brings up moving. Any advice to help me change my outlook? I’ve been praying for both God to help my heart be more open, and for my husbands heart to be more understanding.

 

[maintenance man]

but definitely agree we want to raise our family in a small town and move to the country.

I'm confused. You say this is definitely what you want to do but you're now reluctant? Is there a different small town you want to move to?

as well as fulfill his responsibilities to his family farm when the day comes that his dad can no longer.

Has the family farm always been part of the plan? If so, it seems the move makes perfect sense.

it also means I’d be moving 4 hours from my family. Well fast forward to now that we have a baby I’m not looking forward to being farther away from my family.

For me, there's not much difference between a 2 hour drive and a four hour drive - you kind of have to plan to waste half a day in both cases. If you were my daughter I'd come and visit you just as much.

and for my husbands heart to be more understanding.

If the family farm has always been part of the plan I don't think he will ever understand not moving closer. If you don't want him to take over the family farm that's a much bigger discussion.

 

[britty]

I definitely want to move to a small town that’s a certain. I’m reluctant to move farther from my family though. Having the baby here now Im realizing how much I’d like to have my mom nearby. Selfishly I’d want to move back to my hometown but I know that wouldn’t work for my husbands career. Ideally I’d love to move to a small town in between our two families. I feel my family would visit way more only being two hours vs four.

The plan has always been for us to get some land in the country somewhere. I didn’t know he felt obligated to take over his dads farm duties until lately. i guess I’m struggling with being far from my mom the most. And my parents not getting to see their grandkids grow up.

 

[Hank77]

I definitely want to move to a small town that’s a certain. I’m reluctant to move farther from my family though. Having the baby here now Im realizing how much I’d like to have my mom nearby. Selfishly I’d want to move back to my hometown but I know that wouldn’t work for my husbands career. Ideally I’d love to move to a small town in between our two families. I feel my family would visit way more only being two hours vs four.

The plan has always been for us to get some land in the country somewhere. I didn’t know he felt obligated to take over his dads farm duties until lately. i guess I’m struggling with being far from my mom the most. And my parents not getting to see their grandkids grow up.

I have two grandkids who live here and their Dad's parents live in another state. They see and talk to them every week using Skype.

 

[maintenance man]

The plan has always been for us to get some land in the country somewhere. I didn’t know he felt obligated to take over his dads farm duties until lately.

Obviously the farm thing is the major sticking point. If that's an absolute, moving there makes perfect sense. Moving to a small town between your two parents makes perfect sense if the farm is out of the picture. I think you guys need to sit down and talk about farming. Is that truly without question where he wants to end up? If it is, I think you're obligated to make the move. Is it possible your parents would want to move also?

I'm praying you find a solution that works for everyone.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Deidre32]

This is a tough spot, but I believe that God will find a way to make this all work out for you both. He did tell you this was in the plan before you married him, and if you trust your husband's leadership, then let him lead, and give your reservations to God. It's not easy sometimes letting our husbands lead, but I'm finding grace in the midst of it. I understand moving away from your mom might be concerning, but you're married now, and you can always go to visit your family. Also, if things are difficult in a few years, I'm sure your husband would move to a halfway point between families. But, for now, maybe see where this leads since it's important to him. Praying for you during this time.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Before we were married, we discussed his desire to move back to his hometown to grow his client based business, plant roots, as well as fulfill his responsibilities to his family farm when the day comes that his dad can no longer. I truly love that about him.




The plan was I would stay home with the kids and do freelance work as I have time which sounds great to me. I was reluctantly on board as it also means I’d be moving 4 hours from my family. Well fast forward to now that we have a baby I’m not looking forward to being farther away from my family. My husband is not willing to entertain the idea of staying put between our families. I find myself turning negative and combative every time he brings up moving. Any advice to help me change my outlook? I’ve been praying for both God to help my heart be more open, and for my husbands heart to be more understanding.

Seems way back then
you gave the impression that it would be OK?

If we make a deal (promise)
best do our best to stick to it
otherwise may cause
terrible resentments.
M-Bob

 

[Brianlear]

Taking over a family farm near his home town sounds like a great deal, but not if it means you barely ever see your family. But such is the nature of life, nobody is always going to live around their family all the time. Will your family visit you? Have you talked to them about it? Does he have family near his town that can help you with the kid, or kids in the future?

 

[britty]

Taking over a family farm near his home town sounds like a great deal, but not if it means you barely ever see your family. But such is the nature of life, nobody is always going to live around their family all the time. Will your family visit you? Have you talked to them about it? Does he have family near his town that can help you with the kid, or kids in the future?

My family would visit maybe twice a year I would suspect. I would probably be the one traveling to visit them more often. I already feel so much guilt because we live two hours away. My sister has a daughter and my parents see her almost everyday. And my mom sometimes mentions she wishes we were closer so she would to get to see my child and help out. I also don’t want my parents to feel like we are choosing my husbands family over them. Because yes, his family are still in his hometown. They would be able to help with kids, but they tend to not want to mess with the baby if he’s crying or fussy so I’m not sure how much help they really will be...versus my parents are opposite

 

[Brianlear]

I think if there is a compelling quality of life reason for you to move to his family farm, your family might be more for it than you think. If your family visits twice a year, and you visit them twice a year, then you are seeing each other every few months which is pretty good. Still though, I would favor the situation where there is a family member who can help with kid stuff if needed. Does your husband understand how valuable that is? Does he have a plan for getting daycare or nanny set up if you need it? If you guys have lots of money, its very easily doable. Also, does your husband know how important it is to you, to be close to your family?

Does he have to take over the family farm NOW, or do you have a few years?
Could you live near your family for at least a few years, and he could do regular trips up to the family farm, etc?

I have a sneaking suspicion that some compromise is in order here.