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Spoiling 'em with love?
- Thread starter heart of peace
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Athaliamum
Torah Submissive
I haven't answered the pole. I think it would depend on how one would define "love". The fact that there is a book out there called the "Five love languages" would imply that every person defines it a little differently.
I also think you should define what you mean by being spoilt with love. Do you mean - can you love someone too much?
Or do you mean - can you spoil someone by too much love motivated actions?
I believe there is a very large difference.
I also think you should define what you mean by being spoilt with love. Do you mean - can you love someone too much?
Or do you mean - can you spoil someone by too much love motivated actions?
I believe there is a very large difference.
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The only way I can think of is that you can harm your child by thinking that if you discipline (not necessarily equating discipline with spanking) your child it shows the child that you don't love them. So therefore you don't discipline.
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jgonz
What G-d calls you to do, He equips you to do.
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I couldn't answer the poll either... I think it depends on who's defining love...
Some people might think that loving their child would include buying them everything under the sun, or make love a competition between parents (especially divorced ones)... neither of those things (for example) would be a healthy type of love...
Some people might think that loving their child would include buying them everything under the sun, or make love a competition between parents (especially divorced ones)... neither of those things (for example) would be a healthy type of love...
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Birbitt
Regular Member
I said no because to me to spoil implies an overdoing of a certain action or activity....for example when grandparents spoil a grandchild it is usually by letting the child basically do whatever he or she wants and feeding them lots of treats....this is not healthy for the child on a regular basis however I'm not opposed to letting the grandparents spoil them on rare occasion. So in my opinion you can not over do love so therefore you can not spoil a child with love.
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By love I mean the use of the word as an emotion. Could you love your child too much (give too much emotional love)? I don't mean buying your children things or providing anything tangible besides possibly hugs, kisses and "I love yous". I don't mean misguided actions in the name of love but actual genuine love for one's child.
Does this help clarify it a bit?
Does this help clarify it a bit?
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HeatherJay
Kisser of Boo-Boos
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I agree with those who say no. However, I had a heated discussion with a friend recently about this topic. Her comments were that children can learn to use the idea that mom/dad will not say no to hugs/kisses and use this to manipulate mom and dad. For example, child is being told that he can't have something, child starts having a tantrum, in the middle of the tantrum the child asks for hugs from mom, mom stops to hug child (does not give the child the item that spawned the tantrum). In her opinion, this child is learning to be manipulative (to play mom's card so to speak) and should be required to calm down before mom/dad hugs. She believes that by hugging during the tantrum it does not communicate that the tantrum is inappropriate way of expressing their dissension.
For argument's sake, let's assume the child is of the age of reason (so I suppose over the age of 3 or so).
For argument's sake, let's assume the child is of the age of reason (so I suppose over the age of 3 or so).
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Birbitt
Regular Member
In the case you are describing (which my children have done) I generally will give the hugs if they are already "winding down" from the tantrum, however if this is in the middle of the tantrum then no I don't hug but I do tell my son "mommy loves you but right now I'm not happy with your behavior" then he will calm down and ask again for a hug which I will give him. Sometimes though near the end of a fit my so would ask for a hug (I think because he couldn't finish calming himself) and I would happily give it to him.
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jessesgirl
Aspire to inspire before you expire
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I'm going to say no...can't spoil them with love. You can, however, spoil them with things you think you can supplement for love...but not with love. 
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TCat
Daily surrender
Can anyone get to much love? I don't think so, but I agree with someone who suggested that to often there are those who sustitute love with "stuff" or refuse to discipline, teach, guide, and nuture children and think that is loving them.
I believe sometimes the most loving thing I can do is let my kid fail, face the consequenses of bad choices, get hurt, be disappointed, let down and feel rejected. Some times loving my kids means letting them feel pain and learn and grow from it. Love really does hurt sometimes.
I believe sometimes the most loving thing I can do is let my kid fail, face the consequenses of bad choices, get hurt, be disappointed, let down and feel rejected. Some times loving my kids means letting them feel pain and learn and grow from it. Love really does hurt sometimes.
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P
peace in the vally
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No Children Need Lots Of Love. You Can Never Love A Child Too Much Or Show Too Much Love To A Child. I Have Never Heard Of A Child Have Mental Problems From Being Loved Too Much :d :d But I Have Heard Of Them Having Problems From Not Enough Love. Jmo
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Birbitt
Regular Member
This is a very interesting thread. I Think we all agree that you can't love your child too much but everyone defines love differently. Some define love by giving things to the child, while others feel that to love your child you must never hurt them, or allow them to be hurt. I personally feel that to love my children means that I must sometimes punish them for bad behavior because to love them means I must help them to grow up to be "lovable" and to be lovable requires that we be able to function with other people and treat them with respect and this is something children are not born with the ability to do. I can think of many times when I've seen parents disciplining their children BECAUSE they love them, and many times when I think "does he/she really love that child?" it's sad but like my mother taught me it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
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I'm not sure 
I think when the 'love' takes the place of discipline - then maybe
For example:
3 yo takes a cookie from the table. Mom says no, you can't have the cookie. 3 YO looks at her with loving eyes and keeps eating the cookie. Mom says "I said no, you can't have the cookie and you're going to get in trouble if you keep eating it". 3 YO looks at mom with puppy eyes and asks for a hug while chewing on cookie. Mom hugs child and 3yo looks at the rest of us and grins. 3YO eats cookie, runs off to play.
Mom showed 3YO love by hugging. 3YO got away with no punishment and ate the cookie.
I think when the 'love' takes the place of discipline - then maybe
For example:
3 yo takes a cookie from the table. Mom says no, you can't have the cookie. 3 YO looks at her with loving eyes and keeps eating the cookie. Mom says "I said no, you can't have the cookie and you're going to get in trouble if you keep eating it". 3 YO looks at mom with puppy eyes and asks for a hug while chewing on cookie. Mom hugs child and 3yo looks at the rest of us and grins. 3YO eats cookie, runs off to play.
Mom showed 3YO love by hugging. 3YO got away with no punishment and ate the cookie.
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