Spirit of condescending, patronizing, and sarcasm

[seeker2122]

I've noticed something disturbing in my time in church life over the decades.
Not everyone displays this but only a select few, but when they do, it's almost as if though
they are all identical (as if coming from the same spirit).

It is the spirit of condescending or patronizing or sarcasm.

I'm sure some of you know exactly what I am talking about it. It's easy to pick out because
when it happens to you, your Spirit is shook by the audacity that these people have to actually
have words like that come out of their mouths in a loving-setting.

Where does this spirit come from? Is it the evil spirits doing this? Even though I've heard it from
the mouths of all kinds of different people, if I didn't know what they looked like and only heard
the words, I'd say they were all coming from the same person! That's how oddly identical it is.

For example, I speak genuinely and sincerely and ask a question to one of these "types" of people
and they would respond by saying something like, "What kind of question is that?!" and give you that
belittling or condescending look. Wow. Brother in Christ! Why would they speak that way even if
in joking manner. They are making themselves look good at the expense of trying to embarrass or
ridicule/mock others. It gives them a sense or air of superiority and the other a sense of inferiority or stupidity
like we were dumb to ask such a simple question like, "Where did you learn your English because it's so good?"

Where does this spirit of condescending and patronizing and sarcasm come from? Why are some people speaking
and using this form of language even within the church, within loving members who are sharing and opening up
or trying to open up to each other in vulnerable situations? How do we point this out without offending or hurting
the person that is being condescending/patronizing/sarcastic? It's like a rotting spirit that poisons us deep within
because it circulates and people speak this way which is damaging rather than uplifting and encouraging.

 

[SamInNi]

We see plenty of evidence for the work of evil spirits in the world around us. But in Mark 7 (see Matthew 15 too) Christ taught that people can think and behave sinfully by allowing their inner feelings to get the better of them and “defile” them:

And He was saying, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.”​

​

 

[quietpraiyze]

I've noticed something disturbing in my time in church life over the decades.
Not everyone displays this but only a select few, but when they do, it's almost as if though
they are all identical (as if coming from the same spirit).

It is the spirit of condescending or patronizing or sarcasm.

I'm sure some of you know exactly what I am talking about it. It's easy to pick out because
when it happens to you, your Spirit is shook by the audacity that these people have to actually
have words like that come out of their mouths in a loving-setting.

Where does this spirit come from? Is it the evil spirits doing this? Even though I've heard it from
the mouths of all kinds of different people, if I didn't know what they looked like and only heard
the words, I'd say they were all coming from the same person! That's how oddly identical it is.

For example, I speak genuinely and sincerely and ask a question to one of these "types" of people
and they would respond by saying something like, "What kind of question is that?!" and give you that
belittling or condescending look. Wow. Brother in Christ! Why would they speak that way even if
in joking manner. They are making themselves look good at the expense of trying to embarrass or
ridicule/mock others. It gives them a sense or air of superiority and the other a sense of inferiority or stupidity
like we were dumb to ask such a simple question like, "Where did you learn your English because it's so good?"

Where does this spirit of condescending and patronizing and sarcasm come from? Why are some people speaking
and using this form of language even within the church, within loving members who are sharing and opening up
or trying to open up to each other in vulnerable situations? How do we point this out without offending or hurting
the person that is being condescending/patronizing/sarcastic? It's like a rotting spirit that poisons us deep within
because it circulates and people speak this way which is damaging rather than uplifting and encouraging.

Personally I don't think it's a "spirit" because if it was you could just simply cast it out. I think it's more about people not choosing to be submitted to Christ, immaturity, and whether we like it or not everyone who goes to church isn't Born Again. Going to church and being the Church can be and many times are two different things. Also if you notice there doesn't seem to be a lot of preaching and teaching on God's Character and Integrity. Instead there seems to be a great deal of politicizing which objectifies individuals/groups erasing their humanity. Some people are quoting Scriptures but their spirit doesn't emanate Christ and anything He stands for. Because of this, it can be very difficult to distinguish the "church" from the world.

What you can do is talk to those who are supposed to be Servants and see if they've noticed an increase in the behavior you're talking about and ask how they plan on addressing it. The other thing you can do is to publicly address the individual when they do the behavior. In other words, don't let it slide. You can simply look at the person and say, "your attitude is both ungodly and uncalled for". Then just stand. You don't have to say anything else. Most people don't like confrontations, but you might be surprised at how many other people were waiting for someone to take a stand and will stand with you. Also if it's a Bible Study setting, see if you can speak with the person who is doing the study and see if they can incorporate godly themes that can address these issues.

In the meantime don't stop encouraging and lifting up others as well as praying for all involved.

 

[timf]

It is not necessarily a "spirit". Narcissism does not have to emerge full blown. A person can slip into increasing pride by degrees. There are those who, like a dog marking his territory, sort of "urinates" on others to bully them into ceding social position or prominence to him. It is cruel to those who are pushed aside, and sad to those who see it for what it is.

Pride is sort of like a self-inflicted blindness. Those caught up in it can wreck havoc on others without actual intent. Since there is no reality to social prominence, those who obtain emotional comfort from thinking they have obtained it often find themselves drawn to more extreme measures of assuring themselves in pursuit of a hunger that can never be satisfied.

Paul does not write that Christians should examine each others faith. Rather he admonishes the Corinthians to judge each others behavior.

1Co 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

The takeaway here I see is that the person off the rails may not even be a Christian. If he is and you think you might be able to help him great. However, if there is no help for someone who is either unsaved or so far in the flesh, avoidance may be the only option.

 

[seeker2122]

Personally I don't think it's a "spirit" because if it was you could just simply cast it out. I think it's more about people not choosing to be submitted to Christ, immaturity, and whether we like it or not everyone who goes to church isn't Born Again. Going to church and being the Church can be and many times are two different things. Also if you notice there doesn't seem to be a lot of preaching and teaching on God's Character and Integrity. Instead there seems to be a great deal of politicizing which objectifies individuals/groups erasing their humanity. Some people are quoting Scriptures but their spirit doesn't emanate Christ and anything He stands for. Because of this, it can be very difficult to distinguish the "church" from the world.

What you can do is talk to those who are supposed to be Servants and see if they've noticed an increase in the behavior you're talking about and ask how they plan on addressing it. The other thing you can do is to publicly address the individual when they do the behavior. In other words, don't let it slide. You can simply look at the person and say, "your attitude is both ungodly and uncalled for". Then just stand. You don't have to say anything else. Most people don't like confrontations, but you might be surprised at how many other people were waiting for someone to take a stand and will stand with you. Also if it's a Bible Study setting, see if you can speak with the person who is doing the study and see if they can incorporate godly themes that can address these issues.

In the meantime don't stop encouraging and lifting up others as well as praying for all involved.

The person who even said to me was a "deacon". That really made me upset but I didn't want to say anything but what I really want to say is to speak with sincerity and care, and tell him don't be sarcastic, condescending, or patronizing to look witty and charming in front of others.

 

[seeker2122]

It is not necessarily a "spirit". Narcissism does not have to emerge full blown. A person can slip into increasing pride by degrees. There are those who, like a dog marking his territory, sort of "urinates" on others to bully them into ceding social position or prominence to him. It is cruel to those who are pushed aside, and sad to those who see it for what it is.

Pride is sort of like a self-inflicted blindness. Those caught up in it can wreck havoc on others without actual intent. Since there is no reality to social prominence, those who obtain emotional comfort from thinking they have obtained it often find themselves drawn to more extreme measures of assuring themselves in pursuit of a hunger that can never be satisfied.

Paul does not write that Christians should examine each others faith. Rather he admonishes the Corinthians to judge each others behavior.

1Co 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

The takeaway here I see is that the person off the rails may not even be a Christian. If he is and you think you might be able to help him great. However, if there is no help for someone who is either unsaved or so far in the flesh, avoidance may be the only option.

the person was a deacon

 

[BobRyan]

I've noticed something disturbing in my time in church life over the decades.
Not everyone displays this but only a select few, but when they do, it's almost as if though
they are all identical (as if coming from the same spirit).

It is the spirit of condescending or patronizing or sarcasm.

I'm sure some of you know exactly what I am talking about it. It's easy to pick out because
when it happens to you, your Spirit is shook by the audacity that these people have to actually
have words like that come out of their mouths in a loving-setting.

Where does this spirit come from? Is it the evil spirits doing this? Even though I've heard it from
the mouths of all kinds of different people, if I didn't know what they looked like and only heard
the words, I'd say they were all coming from the same person! That's how oddly identical it is.

For example, I speak genuinely and sincerely and ask a question to one of these "types" of people
and they would respond by saying something like, "What kind of question is that?!" and give you that
belittling or condescending look. Wow. Brother in Christ! Why would they speak that way even if
in joking manner. They are making themselves look good at the expense of trying to embarrass or
ridicule/mock others. It gives them a sense or air of superiority and the other a sense of inferiority or stupidity
like we were dumb to ask such a simple question like, "Where did you learn your English because it's so good?"

Where does this spirit of condescending and patronizing and sarcasm come from? Why are some people speaking
and using this form of language even within the church, within loving members who are sharing and opening up
or trying to open up to each other in vulnerable situations? How do we point this out without offending or hurting
the person that is being condescending/patronizing/sarcastic? It's like a rotting spirit that poisons us deep within
because it circulates and people speak this way which is damaging rather than uplifting and encouraging.

I think you would agree with me that not everyone in a given church that is a member, that sits in a pew - is a saved born-again Christian.

So then is it surprising that when someone who is not being sanctified by the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit - that they then speaks and acts like someone who is not born-again??

 

[seeker2122]

I think you would agree with me that not everyone in a given church that is a member, that sits in a pew - is a saved born-again Christian.

So then is it surprising that when someone who is not being sanctified by the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit - speaks and acts like someone who is not born-again??

True. In my case, I know both sides well. They are born again Christians and truly do try to serve with the best intentions. The friction/conflict that occurred was more of a mistake/misunderstanding on the part of the leader, but the congregant who felt upset by it has not decided to confront the leader personally to talk about it. As a result, they are just holding it in and detaching themselves from the group, but still attending, and the leader, may not really know why they are being this way because he may not realize he did something wrong. Meanwhile the pastor is absent because he chooses not to interact with his flock. Should I try to bring them together? I feel like I am the substitute/sub-in pastor here as I'm the one initiating everyone contacting them asking them how they are and listening to their struggles.

 

[YahuahSaves]

For example, I speak genuinely and sincerely and ask a question to one of these "types" of people
and they would respond by saying something like, "What kind of question is that?!" and give you that
belittling or condescending look. Wow. Brother in Christ! Why would they speak that way even if
in joking manner. They are making themselves look good at the expense of trying to embarrass or
ridicule/mock others. It gives them a sense or air of superiority and the other a sense of inferiority or stupidity
like we were dumb to ask such a simple question like, "Where did you learn your English because it's so good?"

It's arrogance and pride that does it....you often see this type of behaviour in people who think highly of themselves and their own opinions and do essentially look down on others as a result. I see it a lot in the atheist threads on this site, it does make one wonder why there are some believers who do the same thing.

It is the spirit of condescending or patronizing or sarcasm.

Well... who is one of the main characters in the bible who was full of arrogance and pride? Makes sense.

 

[BobRyan]

Should I try to bring them together? I feel like I am the substitute/sub-in pastor here as I'm the one initiating everyone contacting them asking them how they are and listening to their struggles.

well of course - do good - whatever the circumstance. Help those who are being mistreated.

 

[quietpraiyze]

The person who even said to me was a "deacon". That really made me upset but I didn't want to say anything but what I really want to say is to speak with sincerity and care, and tell him don't be sarcastic, condescending, or patronizing to look witty and charming in front of others.

I don't think having a position and a title makes a person exempt from correction/discipline. As a matter of fact I think people like that should be confronted all the more so. You stated the the person should "look witty and charming in front of others". The problem with this for me is that looking and being are two different things. As you have described the person isn't kind and asking them to pretend to be doesn't address the problem. This person needs to be confronted.. If you're not comfortable speaking to someone face to face, you can always write a letter stating your concerns. Just make sure to keep a copy for yourself and be prepared to discuss the matter further if asked to.

You also might want to also ask what are the qualifications of a deacon? I say that because sometimes some people aren't helping to build the people of God but instead they're building their own "ministry". So this might also be an opportunity for you to step back and look around. Are you seeing Jesus, The Holy Spirit/the fruit of the Spirit and if not what exactly are you seeing. In saying this, I'm not talking about perfection. I'm talking about do you feel overall that people are being taught the Word, loved and cared for as they mature in Christ/grow in grace?