Speaking Out

[NoddaProbBob]

I've just had some things on my mind. It's been a rough night, filled with some tears and some thoughts.
I am in college and so to save money, I still live at home. A couple months ago, my parents allowed my perpetrator, my older brother, to move back into the house. But they don't know that he sexually abused me starting at age 6 through 14. I find myself really wanting to speak out and tell my parents, but nothing comes out of my mouth. I've tried to weigh the decision and I usually concur that it's probably a better option to not tell them right now. I just don't know how I even begin to start. I don't know how to cope with the potential that my parents' lives could possibly crumble. And while I know that it wouldn't ultimately be my fault, I would still feel as if I were to blame for their reactions to the truth. This information has the ability to destory them, and yet I feel as if I have the right to be heard. So much could go wrong. But so many of my pains could be alleviated.
I don't know what to do. Something goes wrong no matter what I do. I suffer in silence, and if I speak, everything changes. I don't want to be seen differently, I don't want to be ousted. I don't want to be disbelieved. I just want something to be easy for once, and I fear that nothing ever will be.

 

[bertolt]

I'm praying for you. I don't know what advice I could offer - it sounds like you've a terrible choice ahead of you (silence or speaking out) and both choices have consequences.

Have you addressed it with your brother, by any chance?

 

[Johnnz]

You need to tell your story to a suitable person and get some inner issues better resolved.

Abuse by a a sibling has its own set of very real problems and which ever way it goes after you go telling your parents, someone will be badly hurt.

John
NZ

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I'm praying for you. I don't know what advice I could offer - it sounds like you've a terrible choice ahead of you (silence or speaking out) and both choices have consequences.

Have you addressed it with your brother, by any chance?

The prayers are very appreciated. I have had the opportunity to talk to my brothter and I ended up disheartened. Him and I have only talked about everything once or twice and the outcome hasn't been good for me. He basically blamed me for everything and said that I initiated the sexual contact. To round it all off, he doesn't believe he did anything wrong...to say I feel defeated in some way is only a vague representation of how badly those words hurt. It took a lot of work for me to finally believe that I didn't ask for any of what happened to me. Its hard to be denied to my face like that.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

You need to tell your story to a suitable person and get some inner issues better resolved.

Abuse by a a sibling has its own set of very real problems and which ever way it goes after you go telling your parents, someone will be badly hurt.

John
NZ

Thank you for your reply John. I am getting ready to transition to a new therapist as my current therapist is leaving the office. I hope that she will be able to provide me with a fresh view on everything.