Spare the rod...?

[DZoolander]

No, this isn't going to be a thread about whether or not a parent should spank. I'm curious about something else.

I'm willing to venture that most of us here probably were spanked - to varying degrees ranging from a simple swat to what others/or we might consider to be abusive.

What I'm curious is...where do you think you fell on that scale (0 being not even hit/maybe a swat - to 10 being abusive spanking)...and also...how did it eventually end/stop? Did it stop on it's own? Did you stop it? Did it continue until you finally moved out?

I'm curious because right now I'm involved in another discussion about whether or not spanking is appropriate...and it started me thinking about my own folks.

 

[snoochface]

10. It stopped when I got to be bigger than my mother and realized that she realized it too.

 

[Mudinyeri]

11?

Punched in the face. Made to drop my pants and whipped with the fiberglass antenna from a "Big Wheel." Blood, bruises maybe a fracture or two.

It stopped when I fought back. My step dad was a coward and a bully. Before that, I used to taunt him while he was beating me ... which, of course, only made him lose control to a greater degree ... and probably gives you a bit of insight into my personality today.

 

[ValleyGal]

Mine was probably about a 5. When I was spanked, it was with a wooden spoon or belt on a bare bottom. I guess it stopped when I was around 10-ish. I'm not sure if they figured I was too old to spank anymore, or if I was finally just a better child. I don't think it's because I was better... I was a pretty naughty kid, but that's what happens when folks aren't around much.

I teach a parenting program.... I probably should not ask where the spanking conversation is....

 

[DZoolander]

Ehhh - it's on facebook.

It's weird how you start to think about things at unpredictable moments. Like, I never really thought of my parents as being "abusive" with respect to how we were spanked/disciplined/etc, or at least in those types of terms. But, I also do remember a few times when we were kids my folks getting REALLY enraged about something or other and spanking my brother and I with a belt. I also remember being in the bathroom with my mom after, as she would dab hydrogen peroxide on the welts while she cried - apologizing - and promising that it wouldn't ever happen again.

I also remember that that type of discipline went on until I was about 13 or so...and ended when I finally had enough and one time (since I was by that point a pretty big kid) caught the belt midair and yanked it out of their hands, threw it back at them and said "never again". That did put an end to it.

The discussion I was having on FB reminded me of that stuff.

 

[mmksparbud]

My father had 4 belts tied together, he used the buckle end on my brothers---other than that it was yelling and screaming and no end of verbal abuse. He was still pushing them round until they left. I was not beat---unless you call rape spanking.

The rod referred to in the bible was a shepherds rod, very tall with a large hook at the top. It was used to guide the sheep, to pull them out of holes and crevices they had fallen into, to help untangle them from thickets--NEVER was it used to beat the sheep! Hitting sheep is simply not done.

 

[DZoolander]

There sure is a lot of parental douchebaggery out there.

 

[live4Christ2016]

I was rarely spanked. My mother was a teacher so she used a paddle that they used in school. I remember getting it twice as a kid.
My dad had a temper and probably would have abused us if he spanked us so he left it up to our mother. He would swear at us mostly.
I have my dad's temper and spanked my son to a point where I believe it was too rough. I stopped spanking him, but he was a huge handful for me so I had to think of other ways to discipline. I started using a wooden spoon and it was better because I could just flick my wrist and tap him lightly with it enough that he got the message. It got to where all I had to do was get it and point to where I needed him to be ex. Bed and he'd go running. It was better than my hand.

 

[SelfProtect]

I would say the spanking I got was a 5. Open hand on my butt by my mother only. It was confusing to me because the worst whooping I got was for not going to bed because I was scared and wanted to be with my mom. I had watched a scary movie and I was terrified to be alone. I know I had other whooping but I don't remember why.

 

[WolfGate]

Probably a 3. Only swatted on the clothed rear with a hand. Ended about 10 or so when parents thought we were old enough that other means of discipline would be more effective. Not a memory that I regard as abusive or even recall with any negative feelings.

 

[Dave-W]

What I'm curious is...where do you think you fell on that scale (0 being not even hit/maybe a swat - to 10 being abusive spanking)...and also...how did it eventually end/stop? Did it stop on it's own? Did you stop it? Did it continue until you finally moved out?

Yes I was spanked. By my dad. He used a leather belt.

On the scale, I would put it at 10 (or higher). Frequently it would take me to the edge of unconsciousness. My wife tells me I still have scars back there from it.

It stopped when mom and dad broke up. I was about 6.

Interestingly, after the divorce, mom tried to paddle me once. (I was about 8 or 9 I think) She used a wooden bolo paddle and it did not hurt at all, which she found particularly frustrating. She broke it right off and I fell over laughing.

 

[Dave-W]

The rod referred to in the bible was a shepherds rod, very tall with a large hook at the top.

No - that is a shepherd's staff. They are NOT the same thing.

The rod was for hitting and the staff was for leading.

"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4b)

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

From age 4 to 10ish maybe? Can't recall. It wasn't often though. Sometimes it was one swat on the butt. Though eventually my dad made a swatter and wrote on the Spare the rod...etc verse. Rarely got that either. No abuse though.

 

[ValleyGal]

No - that is a shepherd's staff. They are NOT the same thing.

The rod was for hitting and the staff was for leading.

"Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." (Psalm 23:4b)

The rod was not used to beat the sheep. If it was used at all, it was for counting and for beating the wolves who came to steal the sheep.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

We usually got hit by whatever mom threw at us...she had a deadly aim...I'm talking MLB pitcher aim here. I do remember getting pinched (in church...underside of the arm, pinch, twist, leave a bruise and be dared to cry out) and backhanded (got a few fat lips from it). My dad would just look at us and tell us "silencio" in a LOUD voice. Man, we'd drop, sit and shut up for that.

I don't know if that was abusive...but mom's mouth was abusive to me especially...she never quit that one.

 

[WolfGate]

We usually got hit by whatever mom threw at us...she had a deadly aim...I'm talking MLB pitcher aim here. I do remember getting pinched (in church...underside of the arm, pinch, twist, leave a bruise and be dared to cry out) and backhanded (got a few fat lips from it). My dad would just look at us and tell us "silencio" in a LOUD voice. Man, we'd drop, sit and shut up for that.

I don't know if that was abusive...but mom's mouth was abusive to me especially...she never quit that one.

What you describe sounds abusive to me.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

@WolfGate...that's just the way it was...in my culture, smacking kids around is just the way it is...it doesn't feel abusive, everybody we knew got disciplined the same way...and we learned...

 

[WolfGate]

@WolfGate...that's just the way it was...in my culture, smacking kids around is just the way it is...it doesn't feel abusive, everybody we knew got disciplined the same way...and we learned...

Yes, I'm learning a bit about your cultural background from this and other threads. Obviously quite different from mine. Hope I didn't come across wrong; when I indicated that it "sounds" abusive "to me" I was taking that into account.

 

[kmrichard7]

I got from 1-10 the whole scale.

My Grandma got me with a switch a few times and quite frankly I deserved it.

My moms biyfriend inappropriately beat me over every little thing (like not cleaning the base boards in the bathroom one day I was black and blue for a week).

The difference was one was done out of anger, the other out of direction.

My grandma stopped switching me when I stopped doing things to deserve it. I stopped getting abused when my mom and her boyfriend split up.

 

[All4Christ]

My parents didn't spank us...it was more time outs or taking privileges away from us. Of course - for me, taking my books away was a big punishment for me! Lol.

My husband's family definitely spanked the kids. It will be interesting working out parenting styles once we have kids!