But frankly, these don't prove anything, in fact the vast rareness of these incidents prove just the opposite. When I was spanked as a child nothing of the sort happened to me. In fact I think I benefited greatly, because I was deterred due to fear from doing some very bad things. And of the billions and billions of spanked individuals in the world, you just won't find any, but a very small faction, with similar experiences to yours. It's for this reason that other compound reasons need to be searched for in your cases. There may be other factors you're not even aware of.
And, keeping with the hugs analogy, if you polled billions of people, you probably could also find a handful of children that were sexually aroused by hugs when they were small. Does this mean there's a link? More than likely it means there were some other things going on, things that perhaps they weren't even aware of. It certainly is not a reason to ban hugging, especially considering all the good that comes from hugging.
And this is really the point. You and your tiny group that have experienced sexual arousal as children from spanking, now want to ban it for billions of other kids that would greatly benefit from it. That's just plain irresponsible, selfish and a whole bunch of other adjectives.
The thing is that this isn't that rare of a problem. I remember the last National Spank-Out Day where even in the relatively small city I live in (Evansville, Indiana) there were several dozen people who showed up to the rally who had the exact same experiences that I did. And those were just the ones who had the time to show up and then were willing to talk about it. The ratio was much, much closer than "one in a million".
There is no benefit from spanking that could not be reached by nonviolent, intelligent means. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of commitment and work, and the kind of parents who spank aren't usually the types to put any effort into it. They want a quick fix to a long term situation; torturing a child to bend them to another's will is much easier than teaching by example, sticking to boundaries, using nonviolent discipline and being consistent.
Where are examples of people experiencing sexual trauma from consensual hugs? I can link to letters and testimonials from people who were traumatized by spanking until the cows come home. Heck, I even know people who were sexual traumatized by tickling (although it was unconsensual), but I've never heard of hugging causing the same reaction in any setting. I searched for examples of it for a while, and I'm yet to find any. The closest I could find were linked with fondling, but no examples of consensual situations.
Yes, and when you live on a planet with billions an billions of people you'll find experiences of just about anything.
Quite true. But spanking and sexuality are tightly intertwined. It's so prolific that it's referenced in mainstream culture as sexual without question, while more obscure fetishes (such as tickling or med fetishes) are usually met with a raised eyebrow and a "there are people who get turned on by that?" Spanking is the gateway into sadomasochism for some, and a fetish all on its own for many others (such as myself). I don't think anyone can argue that it is a common kind of foreplay, at the very least.
You have no basis to make such a wild claim. Don't you realize you're on a board with other people who have been spanked and never felt a hint of sexual stimulation? You simply can't make statements like this.
Some necrophiliacs are incapable of finding sex with a living person sexually stimulating. Does that mean sex with living people isn't inherently sexual? My basis for making this claim is that it is an extremely prolific fetish, and even people who don't have that fetish will often use it as a form of foreplay. That's why it's considered inappropriate at best, and molestation at worst, to slap another adult on the butt without consent. That same right to sexual dignity and privacy should be extended to children, who are even more impressionable.
You have no idea the irony you just walked into. Newsflash: Hugs are also considered sexual harassment in the workplace. A girl can totally consent to a hug, but then later decide she felt pressured to participate. Conversely, there are other coworkers that slap each others butts and think nothing of it. It's different for everyone.
I don't know where you work, but if somebody slapped another person on the butt where I work and a PC or manager saw it, they would be in huge trouble no matter what the context was. We work with adults with developmental disabilities and if a family member of a client walked into the office and saw that level of unprofessional behavior, they would be outraged.
Hugging can be sexual or platonic depending on the situation. Spanking or slapping someone's butt is not appropriate in professional situations because of the inherent sexual connotations.
I am very sorry to hear that, but the truth is, you're very unique relative to the vast majority. You had some other issues going on, be it environmental or physiological or other. It's no reason to make all the kids that would benefit from spanking, suffer. Can't you see the narcissism in that?
Yes of course you could, but it's simply not enough. You guys are one in a million.
It's pretty ironic that you would call me narcissistic while insisting that you know more about my own sexuality and childhood than I do, while simultaneously dismissing all the other people in the world who have my same issue (even after I gave you several examples) just because it doesn't fit in with your view. I am completely aware that many people were spanked and did not find it sexual. The point is that it CAN BE and IS sexual to some, and for that reason alone it is best avoided.
We're not as rare as you seem to think, and it is not easy or fun to talk about. There have been large scale demonstrations over the sexual problems that come with spanking, particularly in the UK.
I am fully aware that most people get along fine without sexual trauma from spanking. I'm really happy for them; they dodged a bullet. But there are a lot of us who do find it sexual, and the idea of our parents forcing us into it is quite disturbing (assuming they're not into incest, which is somewhat common in the spanking community - but that is in itself another problem).
Spanking pornography generates a lot of money. There are entire businesses built around it in the UK (Girls' Boarding School), America (Real Spankings, CalStar, BiSpanking), Japan (Cutie Spankee, School Seasons), Russia (Mother Discipline) and Korea (Spanked Cuties Korea), just to name a few that produce videos off the top of my head. And that's just videos. There are also places that cater to fetishes within spanking, such as cartoon and animated spanking like AnimeOTK (their site has over 2,000,000 hits and 3,000 unique members even though it's only been around for about a year), PalComix and Handprints. There are also businesses build soley around erotic spanking literature, such as Romantic Spanking and The Spanking Academy. There are also regular conventions (like Shadowlane) and Munch Bunches built around spanking (even in my small city, the spanking Munch Bunch can generate a lot of members). If there are so few people who find it sexual, how do they stay in business? If we're so rare, why do so many exist in so many countries in such great numbers?
Actually what you would like to accomplish is wildly cruel. You want to deprive the masses to make a tiny minority happy. And not only are people not scarred by spanking, they don't even get the slightest bruise. In fact there are many people (many more than your small group) that actually feel deprived that they were not properly disciplined. They feel they would have been better off of they were spanked more! Do they count?
What you're saying is akin to wanting to ban heart surgery, because you had a bad experience with it. Therefore, even though the vast majority will benefit from it, you've decided they can't because you didn't benefit due to some unique condition.
Who would feel better off if they were spanked more? If they realize that their behavior is undesirable enough to warrant punishment, then why do they need it? Shouldn't the fact that they can recognize their behavior as immoral indicate that they already understand that what they did was wrong? If that's not enough of a deterrent by itself, and they want to be physically forced to keep from doing something that they already know is wrong, then they've gotten even worse issues from spanking than I do. And if the only way a parent has to keep their child from doing something undesirable is to physically torture them, then they have even worse problems still.
The whole point of child rearing is to educate and teach right from wrong; spanking only accomplishes one thing: to make a child fear pain. It is a deterrent, I won't deny that, but doesn't teach anything about the morality or ethics of a choice, only that they should avoid it to avoid pain. Once the child is large enough to stop fearing the parent, it all goes out the window. I was lucky enough to have grandparents who were able to show me a life free of violence, if only for a time, so maybe I'm lucky that I don't need to be threatened with violence to try and do what I think is right.
That's the silliest analogy I've ever heard. I'm not even sure where to start. Comparing medical procedures to violent child rearing is a whole new level of apples and oranges, but I'll give it a shot.
Spanking doesn't benefit anyone; it's needless violence and sexual depravity that could be replaced by intelligent, consistent discipline.
Heart surgery is a medical procedure sometimes necessary for survival; sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes an infection could set in and kill the patient, or any number of things. But doing nothing would almost certainly result in death, and there is often no other option. There are other, better options to choose with discipline.
Also with heart surgery, the person is given a lot of information on the risks of the procedure before they elect to take part in it. I don't think many parents sit down with their kids and say "there are instances of people having sexual trauma, anger issues, low self-esteem and unstable relationships with family because of spanking. Do you want to do this?", and then give them the ability to option out of it. If somebody is forced into heart surgery that they didn't want, that would be pretty awful.
No, from what you've described, being a 3rd grade child, there's no reason for you to be ashamed of anything you felt then. But this doesn't necessarily mean you're parents did anything wrong either, and the bitterness you're holding against them as an adult is probably playing a role in keeping you messed up. I would imagine it's probably hurting them quite a bit also.
Ah, again you seem to know more about my own sexuality and life than I do. You must have some sort of super power.
It did hurt my mom when I explained what had happened to me, and she apologized for it. We're totally cool.
My dad has pretty much the same attitude as you about it, and refuses to recognize that I even have a problem. And it isn't that he's a bad person or anything, he's just stuck in his ways. He even payed for a psychologist to help with my low self-esteem and self mutilation issues in high school, but didn't even believe the doctor when he agreed that it was a result of sexual trauma from spanking (she was one of the first people to assure me that this wasn't all that uncommon, which did help me in a lot of ways). The fact that he won't recognize it is a bigger problem for me than the spanking itself now.
While I do think that it was wrong for them to spank me, I know that they didn't mean to do what they did. Our relationship isn't as simple as you would like to think.
Yes, but you hold these beliefs illogically as they do. Most kids go through things and are mad at their parents for seasons. Who in the world hasn't gone through that? But then they grow up and realize the wisdom and love from which the discipline sprang and grow closer to their parents. But these activists get ahold of kids and turn them on their parents, filling their heads with this garbage. It's evil if you ask me.
I had sexual issues because of spanking before I even knew that there were kids who didn't get spanked. As far as I knew, it was the most natural thing in the world; I thought everyone obsessed over it and eroticized it the way I did. These "activists" didn't get "a hold of me" until long after the damage was done and I had recognized that I had a problem.
Not everyone looks back on the way they were raised fondly. Nor is every form of discipline "sprang from love and wisdom". Considering all the child abuse and neglect in the world, that's a really ridiculous thing to say. Having a kid doesn't make one some sort of beacon of wisdom and morality; people who were despicable and stupid before having kids are just as despicable and stupid after having them.
Last time we ended with me getting blamed for my own sexual trauma because I blamed my parents for forcing me into a sexual act, and now I'm evil too. Well, if wanting to prevent other people from having to live with this pain is evil, then I don't think I want participate in your vision of "good".
Silly me.
