spanking

[stonehands]

I'm not sure if this topic has been beaten to death or not, Do you spank your children? My wife is adamant about spanking our son and she does so every now and then. I've never spanked him and I am a stay at home dad for the time being and have pretty much did it all from the time he was born. My sister and I weren't spanked when we were children and now my sister does spank her 5 yr. old but I do not spank my 2 1/2 year old. Also what about your children's Grandparents? Do they spank your children? I know my mom and dad would never spank my son but my mother in law made it very clear that she would spank my son "if he acted up" That was a red flag and I felt like spanking her for saying it.

 

[Whitestone]

I like having spanking in the tool box when nothing else seems to work or is appropriate. I also like the concept of spanking when the child is donig or about to do something that could harm them running into the street, grabbing something on the stove, running with scissors. I think for those instances it is good to associate those actions with a little bit of pain because they are so potentialy harmful.

My FIL asked about spanking our son because he babysits two days a week for us, and was curious at how we corrected behavior and didn't want to break a pattern or go outside what my wife and I think is acceptable.

I would not be comfortable with anyone else trying to correct my child, since they do not have the proper repoir(sp) with my son and would most likely counter productive to the desired behavior, and most likely damage my son's relationship with that person.

Whitestone

 

[king-priest]

My husband and I spank our children. Both of us were spanked as a child. But the most important thing to remember is that when doing so is to not do it in anger. Wait till you confess your anger to your Father in heaven and cool off and then do it objectively.

Many children do not get discipline and therefore grow up without fear or respect for authority and so they get end up breaking the law and going to jail. Many are not even taught manners which is to say courtousy for the those around them. It's sad that where the parent fails to teach the unruly child , the world will teach them it's ways and it's a grab bag of what they learn from it.
But spanking is not only accepted by God, but commanded from Him. He does it to His children, to correct us and keep us from hurting ourselves in the long run.
But I tell my kids...that I must spank them because my Father spanks me when I'm out of line and that if I don't then I fail to be a good parent like our Father in heaven.
Through the discipline...they understand the importance of obedience and that's what serving God is all about. Being an obedient servant.
But I must add, discipline must be taught with bible doctrine. The principle must be taught with love and discipline.
Pr.22:6 -Train up a child in the way he should go:and when he is old he shall not depart from it.
Pr.22:15 -Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Prv.19:18 -Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Prv. 23:13-Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, heshall not die.
Pr. 29:15 -The rod and reproof give wisdom:but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Pr. 29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Pr. 13:24- He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Heb. 12:5- And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despie not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
v.6- For whom the Lord lovethhe chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
v.7- If ye endur chastenint, God dealeth with you as with sons, for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
v.8- But if ye be without chastisement,whereof all are partakers, then are th *******s, and not sons.
v.9- Furthermore, we have had fathers of the flesh which corrected us,and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?

For children For parents

Eph. 6:1-3 Is.54:13
Col. 3:20 Mk.10:14-16
Lk. 18:20 Ps.127:3:5
Dt. 27:16 Prv.17:6
Lev. 19:3 Eph.6:4
Prv. 6:20
Prv. 13:1
Pro. 20:11
Pro.10:1
Prv. 23:22

 

[Katydid]

stonehands, the first and main problem that I see in your post is a marriage issue. You and your wife are not on the same page here, and that is going to cause some MAJOR problems in the future. You two need to agree on appropriate discipline for BOTH OF YOU to enforce. Otherwise, you will find that wonderful child acting up when mommy isn't around because daddy is a pushover. Sorry to say it that way, and I am not saying that the way you discipline is wrong, but look at it from you child's point of view, (well, mommy spanks me, daddy doesn't) so he will choose to be disobedient to the lesser of the two. As far as grandparents, well, if my children are in their care for some reason, then I give them permission to discipline my children. The method is up to them. Obviously your wife is comfortable with their method of discipline and has no problems with spanking, so perhaps you should look at her situation and see what about it bothers you. She doesn't appear to have been abused, unloved, scared of her parents, or she wouldn't be emulating them in her discipline. So perhaps you should find out what REALLY bothers you about spanking.

 

[Leanna]

My husband and I are not going to spank.

My wife is adamant about spanking our son and she does so every now and then. I've never spanked him and I am a stay at home dad for the time being and have pretty much did it all from the time he was born.

You guys absolutely need to come to an agreement about this! If you disagree on parenting issues it will be very confusing for the child.

Also what about your children's Grandparents? Do they spank your children? I know my mom and dad would never spank my son but my mother in law made it very clear that she would spank my son "if he acted up" That was a red flag and I felt like spanking her for saying it.

Lol. No neither of the grandparents spank and if they ever did they would be disrespecting our decisions as the parents of the child. I would not allow them to do so no matter what it took for them to respect it (ie never bringing my baby to their house).

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

our sons too young, but we are going to spank, i wasnt spanked and my husband was, and i find it amazing how good he was growing up and how bad i was. So when my son acts up, etc...he will get spanked just as my husband did.

as for grandparents spanking, it will not be allowed whatsoever. no matter what he does, they can tell us when we get there and we can talk to him. I dont think its right for anyone but the parents to spank, it doesnt seem ok to me

 

[EmSchmem]

I'm with mstodd. My FIL said something one day about spanking our kid and I nearly lost it. My kid will know what does and does not lead to a spanking and when we pick him up we will deal with it. My FIL will NOT be toughing my child in that way. But there are a few things with my FIL that will not be happening. My kid will NOT be learning hate from him.
We will spank but it will always be clear (or will become clear as he learns and grows) that these are spankable offenses and these are not. Spanking will NOT be done in anger and it will never be done with any instrument other than a hand. It will be followed by a talk about how his sin and my needing to deal with that sin doesn't change how much I or God love him. We will talk about WHY what he did is a sin. I have never believed in "because God said so." It is obvious that God calls sin sin because of the effects it has on us and those around us not because he's some big mean man in the sky who just wants things His way and therefore set up some rules. Not everything will result in a spank. Not everyhting needs to.

 

[stonehands]

stonehands, the first and main problem that I see in your post is a marriage issue. You and your wife are not on the same page here, and that is going to cause some MAJOR problems in the future. You two need to agree on appropriate discipline for BOTH OF YOU to enforce. Otherwise, you will find that wonderful child acting up when mommy isn't around because daddy is a pushover. Sorry to say it that way, and I am not saying that the way you discipline is wrong, but look at it from you child's point of view, (well, mommy spanks me, daddy doesn't) so he will choose to be disobedient to the lesser of the two. As far as grandparents, well, if my children are in their care for some reason, then I give them permission to discipline my children. The method is up to them. Obviously your wife is comfortable with their method of discipline and has no problems with spanking, so perhaps you should look at her situation and see what about it bothers you. She doesn't appear to have been abused, unloved, scared of her parents, or she wouldn't be emulating them in her discipline. So perhaps you should find out what REALLY bothers you about spanking.

I'm not really a pushover, I do the timeout thing and trust me, he'd rather take a whap on the can and be on his way rather than have me enforce 5+ minutes of not moving from the chair. My wife and I have discussed this issue since before we were even married, she has always said she is going to spank and I've always said I wasn't. The thing is I was never spanked and neither was my sister and we both never so much as had a detention in school. We had such a close relationship with our parents the we tried never to do anything wrong not because we knew we would be physically hurt by our parents but that we didn't want to disappoint them. My wife on the other hand and her brother and sister were both spanked all the time and all three got in trouble constantly. I just feel that hitting your child especially when done in anger teaches them to act out in violence when they want something. Perfect example is when my son has somthing a bat a ball something and is hitting the walls chasing the cat or just doing what he isn't supposed to be with it my wife would take it from him and smack him. He'd cry and throw a fit, then he got to where if you took somethign from him and hit him he'd hit you right back, then my wife would get ticked and hit him again and harder this time(then he'd cry loud and hard because he was hurting and come running to me because when he gets hurt he wants me) Well i had to bite my tongue off and tell him No, you don't hit mommy and not comfort him. Then when we get by ourselves we would discuss the whole spanking thing again. I never undermind her discipline in front of him even though I dont' agree with it. The spanking wasn't really working and I got my wife on the Timeout bandwagon and we started doing that for a while and now he minds so much better and doesn't try to hit you back if you take something from him, he still cries and gets mad and folds up his arms(its cute and funny) but he doesn't act out in violence anymore. on a side note my MIL has yet to spank our son (at least not that I know of) and always says how wonderful he is taking him out to eat or to the store or anywhere when she watches him, She is however constantly complaining about how bad our niece is when she goes over there, she always says that they need to spank her more. Her mother yells at her and spanks her all the time. So I just feel that the spanking is counterproductive, plus I could never hit my child so hard it made himcry.

 

[andiesmama]

I could never hit my child so hard it made himcry.

I had to address this first....it makes spanking sound like you're beating the daylights out of your kid! When I spank Andie, I'm sure it might sting a little bit, but I'm POSITIVE that it's more the "indignity" than any pain that's associated with it. She cries more from the suprise or "injustice" (in her eyes, anyways... ) than any pain that's involved.


We spank, and like some of the other posters have said, it's after we've given the warning that a spanking is the next step. For willful disobedience, you know, that kind of thing. We simply give her a warning that the spanking will be coming if she continues "whatever", then we follow through. Immediately afterwards, I'll hold her until she stops crying, tell her I love her, and explain again why she got the spanking. I never spank her & then just leave her there to cry.

I also agree that you & your wife need to be united as to how you are going to discipline. It may not seem a big deal right now, but as your child gets older, they are going to know there's a difference between mom & dad & how they are going to discipline.

 

[Leanna]

My husband and I are open to possibly changing into "spankers" as David gets older. He is obviously too young (11 months) and we are hoping that the other discipline methods we emply will be adequate. I want to avoid it if possible but if it is necessary then we will do it. We are learning as we go and so far he's a real good kid-- I am AMAZED at how often he listens to me when I say no even though he is so young. We had a couple weeks of struggle until he realized mommy and daddy are serious and its not much fun to get into trouble.... not nearly as much fun as when he is cute and cuddly and we love on him.

 

[king-priest]

Ask yourself this stonehands,
Is God's Word perfect?
Is God not our own Father?
Does He not discipline us?
Are God's decisions perfect as Him? Then is there a better method of discipline than His?
God knows the souls' design since He created them, so is it possible that any man knows what is better for the soul than God?
Is it possible that man can make a better choice concerning discipline than God?

I figure that as a child of Him, I will put my faith in His Word that if I am obedient in sparing not the rod, my children will be brought up in Truth and will not depart from it.

Pr. 3:5,6
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknlwledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.