Is there a good reason for this 2-3 year spacing between having children? we have an infant still and would like to have another closer to his age
pros and cons please.
pros and cons please.
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spacing births
- Thread starter Illuminite
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Cons? You and mom will be so busy! 
But of course it is all worth it. Pros...your kids will have fantastic playmates as they get older and will ideally have a close relationship. I have a lonely only child and I totally regret not having a couple more right away, even though I know that I was not emotionally ready for more. 
I have a sister who is just 14 months older than I am, and I always had a best friend growing up.
But of course it is all worth it. Pros...your kids will have fantastic playmates as they get older and will ideally have a close relationship. I have a lonely only child and I totally regret not having a couple more right away, even though I know that I was not emotionally ready for more. I have a sister who is just 14 months older than I am, and I always had a best friend growing up.
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jgonz
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Techincally speaking, having births less than 2 years apart is harder on your body. Waiting gives your body a chance to heal thoroughly and help your uterus get back into better shape.
Also, in general, if you're exclusively breastfeeding on cue, day and night (and co-sleeping at night to let the baby nurse as much as he/she needs) you won't be fertile for at least 6 months, probably longer. This is called "natural child spacing" and really works for most women.
Now of course, many women have babies closer together and do fine. Or they tried to space out their babies, but G-d had other plans.
The closest any of my kids are is 17 months apart (I was formula feeding my first when I got pregnant with my 2nd). That was rough, but we got through it. The rest of them are at least 2 years apart~ and that was just because of breastfeeding and G-d's plans. ALL of them get along great and are good friends, even with the huge age ranges (my oldest is 24 and my youngest is 4.)
Also, in general, if you're exclusively breastfeeding on cue, day and night (and co-sleeping at night to let the baby nurse as much as he/she needs) you won't be fertile for at least 6 months, probably longer. This is called "natural child spacing" and really works for most women.
Now of course, many women have babies closer together and do fine. Or they tried to space out their babies, but G-d had other plans.
The closest any of my kids are is 17 months apart (I was formula feeding my first when I got pregnant with my 2nd). That was rough, but we got through it. The rest of them are at least 2 years apart~ and that was just because of breastfeeding and G-d's plans. ALL of them get along great and are good friends, even with the huge age ranges (my oldest is 24 and my youngest is 4.)
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RoseofLima
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Breastfeeding- I wouldn't want to deprive baby of breast milk during their first year of life. The mom's milk supply decreases around 5 months or so and often young baby's will need artificial milk.
Mom- pregnancy is hard on the body. Waiting a little bit gives mom time to get back into shape and exercise her abdominal and pelvic floor muscles.
Mom #2-- there is a euphoria of having only one child- particularly if you have been blessed with an easy going child. There is an unspoken grieving (all mothers go through this to some extent- some more than others)- when you have a nother child. You can no longer be fully present to either child. It is hard- made harder when they are very close in age and have very acute needs. You also don't know what kind of baby #2 will be-- and might be a very high needs baby who will demand all of you.
Marriage- personally, I have found two year spacing to be a great way to have different seasons in our lives. As the baby becomes a toddler- we are able to get out alone more and and nurture our marriage and be a bit more adult focus to our lives. This is important to us since we don't view having babies something where we'll be 'done' after having a certain number.
That said-- being open to life is an awesome gift to a marriage and to your children. Whenever you are blessed with children, God will also give you the grace to not only endure- but also to be ever more transformed into his and likeness.
Just wanted to ditto that all of my kids get along well- their main issues are their personality differences (I have one very serious introvert and one hardcore extrovert--and so that creates conflict- because one wants time to be alone and the other always wants to be with him). But they are very close knit and just are crazy about their youngest siblings. When we have a new baby- the only rivalry is about who is going to get to hold the baby They all share a room and they are at home all day together, since we homeschool. They also each have some individual activity. But their 2 year spread (we have one 3 year spread) hasn't impeded them from forming very close and good relationships.
Mom- pregnancy is hard on the body. Waiting a little bit gives mom time to get back into shape and exercise her abdominal and pelvic floor muscles.
Mom #2-- there is a euphoria of having only one child- particularly if you have been blessed with an easy going child. There is an unspoken grieving (all mothers go through this to some extent- some more than others)- when you have a nother child. You can no longer be fully present to either child. It is hard- made harder when they are very close in age and have very acute needs. You also don't know what kind of baby #2 will be-- and might be a very high needs baby who will demand all of you.
Marriage- personally, I have found two year spacing to be a great way to have different seasons in our lives. As the baby becomes a toddler- we are able to get out alone more and and nurture our marriage and be a bit more adult focus to our lives. This is important to us since we don't view having babies something where we'll be 'done' after having a certain number.
That said-- being open to life is an awesome gift to a marriage and to your children. Whenever you are blessed with children, God will also give you the grace to not only endure- but also to be ever more transformed into his and likeness.
Just wanted to ditto that all of my kids get along well- their main issues are their personality differences (I have one very serious introvert and one hardcore extrovert--and so that creates conflict- because one wants time to be alone and the other always wants to be with him). But they are very close knit and just are crazy about their youngest siblings. When we have a new baby- the only rivalry is about who is going to get to hold the baby
They all share a room and they are at home all day together, since we homeschool. They also each have some individual activity. But their 2 year spread (we have one 3 year spread) hasn't impeded them from forming very close and good relationships.
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- Mar 1, 2006
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Ours are 28 months apart. They are very close, and have fun with each other. I had to stop nursing my older when I became pregnant with younger (20-21 months). My daughter is a natural nurturer, and loves helping with younger brother.
Older did talk for younger too much, so we had to stop that so he'd talk (he's a kinesthetic learner, so he doesn't necessarily think in words). Every once in awhile, they'll fight over a toy or one will want "alone time" (which we try to fix with quiet time after lunch). But it never lasts long, and they go back to playing. They're close enough together that they like many of the same tv shows, games and toys.
Does that help?
Rachel
Older did talk for younger too much, so we had to stop that so he'd talk (he's a kinesthetic learner, so he doesn't necessarily think in words). Every once in awhile, they'll fight over a toy or one will want "alone time" (which we try to fix with quiet time after lunch). But it never lasts long, and they go back to playing. They're close enough together that they like many of the same tv shows, games and toys.
Does that help?
Rachel
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RedTulipMom
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I think one of the best reasons for spacing atleast 2 yrs apart is to give your body an appropriate time to heal after pregnancy and birth. Also..an 12-18 mos old is very needy..and i have seen many moms with newborns and then another thats is 12-18 mos olds and the 12-18 mos olds are NOT getting the attention they really need at that age. We have our whole lives to have babies, there isnt a rush. on the other hand, being open to the possibility and leaving it in Gods hands is a good thing. But NFP for spacing and atleast trying to give yourself the time to heal..is something i highly suggest.
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RedTulipMom
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My brother is 2 yrs and 7 mos younger than i am..we played together our whole lives and got along very well and had lots of the same friends..even in highschool. You dont need to be a year apart to get along and be friends with a sibling.
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Itznikinotnikki
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The spacing worked out great for me all four of my children are exactly 3 years apart...
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wanderingone
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Well it's hard on your body to have children close together, and it's a factor in problems like low birth weight babies.
Personally I am so glad there is a large age gap between my kids. (the girls are almost 9 years apart) My kids are great friends despite the age difference. You really can't guarantee by having children close together they will be perfect companions. I don't think having a child to provide the other with a playmate is such a great reason to have them close together. But to each their own.
Personally I am so glad there is a large age gap between my kids. (the girls are almost 9 years apart) My kids are great friends despite the age difference. You really can't guarantee by having children close together they will be perfect companions. I don't think having a child to provide the other with a playmate is such a great reason to have them close together. But to each their own.
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JulySheMustFly
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It is important to note that this should NOT be relied on because of this part below.
I have children 13 months apart. I was exclusively breastfeeding my daughter when I became pregnant with my son.Now of course, many women have babies closer together and do fine. Or they tried to space out their babies, but G-d had other plans.
Aside from the risk to body having babies repeatedly close together I loved it. I might be crazy but if I could do it again I'd have my oldest and my middle child spaced less than two years. I found it very difficult to have a 2-1/2 year old and a newborn. Their needs are so different and yet they both still need a lot. When I had a newborn and a 13 month old they still had a number of needs in common so I could set a routine for diapers, naps, feedings etc. But, like I said I may be the crazy exception to the norm.
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jgonz
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That's a good point~ once you're in "baby mode" as I used to call it, then it is easier to just assembly-line diapers and everything. It's still harder on your body though, but like I said, sometimes G-d has other plans.Aside from the risk to body having babies repeatedly close together I loved it. I might be crazy but if I could do it again I'd have my oldest and my middle child spaced less than two years. I found it very difficult to have a 2-1/2 year old and a newborn. Their needs are so different and yet they both still need a lot. When I had a newborn and a 13 month old they still had a number of needs in common so I could set a routine for diapers, naps, feedings etc. But, like I said I may be the crazy exception to the norm.
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progressivegal
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I know of alot of moms who wait until the baby weight they gained from the first one is gone (or until they're at a weight that they are happy with) before they had or want to have their second too.
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Beth1231
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I can identify with that. I definitely want my old body back (and baby weaned) before I think about getting pregnant again.
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Picture.Of.Obedience
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Mine are 14 months apart. my son was about 4-5 month ols when i got pregnant. My body is fine, my kids are great and they love each other very much I am busy but wouldnt have it any other way. I want to wait 4-5 years and have two more close in age. It has been a real joy
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I don't lose an ounce until I stop bf...
OP: I wouldn't try to plan too much. You never can tell anyway. God has His plans, your children have their own personalities which may or may not mix well, you could lose one... Life is messy and some things we shouldn't try to control too much, becasue we can't foresee all the outcomes anyway. Do what feels right, what you feel convicted to do, and it will be OK.
OP: I wouldn't try to plan too much. You never can tell anyway. God has His plans, your children have their own personalities which may or may not mix well, you could lose one... Life is messy and some things we shouldn't try to control too much, becasue we can't foresee all the outcomes anyway. Do what feels right, what you feel convicted to do, and it will be OK.
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Our three are close together in age. I would definitely recommend it. They enjoythe same games, the same movies, the same music. It is nice for them, and easier on us, since we do not have to split up, and take them to different activities.
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