sorry if this offends anyone

[Andyman68]

I have been separated from my wife for two months, we are working towards a reconciliation ( or at least she says we are) . Here is my problem, sometimes when I am at her house she wears revealing clothing which causes me to have certain feelings and thoughts towards her. I still love my wife and find her very attractive, I guess what I am saying is is it ok for me to try to be intimate with her or do I have to back off because we are separated. I know you are thinking "ask her", I have thought of this but I am kinda scared to why I dont know. Ok part 2 of the question when I leave I am sexually frustrated would it be ok to touch or is this wrong.

 

[Hetta]

Bringing sex into a situation where you are separated may not be a good idea. Perhaps you could share with your wife that you are struggling with temptation and ask her to cover up, because you wish to wait for sex until you are reunited.
I don't believe that masturbation is wrong.

Good luck with your reconciliation.

 

[LinkH]

I have been separated from my wife for two months, we are working towards a reconciliation ( or at least she says we are) . Here is my problem, sometimes when I am at her house she wears revealing clothing which causes me to have certain feelings and thoughts towards her. I still love my wife and find her very attractive, I guess what I am saying is is it ok for me to try to be intimate with her or do I have to back off because we are separated. I know you are thinking "ask her", I have thought of this but I am kinda scared to why I dont know. Ok part 2 of the question when I leave I am sexually frustrated would it be ok to touch or is this wrong.

If she's rightfully and lawfully your wife in God's eyes you are supposed to have sex with your wife. According to I Corinthians, having sex with your spouse helps prevent fornication. You aren't supposed to abstain from it unless you consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. Not having sex could make it easier to drift further apart.

There aren't any rules in the Bible that forbid sex when you are separated. Here is (part of) what the Bible says about separation:

I Corinthians 7
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

The New Testament says this about abstaining from sex in marriage:

I Corinthians 7
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

[Hetta]

What does remarriage have to do with anything? They are separated, so telling him that they shouldn't be separated doesn't really matter. The fact is that they are, and as they are, they aren't having sex. This is not unusual in a separation.

OP, you say that your wife is talking about reconciliation but you aren't sure. Do you not want to reconcile?

 

[If Not For Grace]

Are the two of you not kinda dating? If you are exploriing reconcillation, she might like you to show some interest. Perhaps this is her way of trying to see if you ARE interested.

Treat it like a date-in fact take her out, tell her you'd like to re-kindle the romance, tell her that her touch is one of the things you have missed. Kiss her goodbye at least.

But remember your focus-to many people try finding someone to sleep with, when what they should concentrate on is who they want to wake up with..RELATIONSHIP is the key thing, but romance should be a part of it. If she seems uncomfortable with it then ease back and tell her you are willing to work with her, but let her know she stirs your heart..as well as your eyes.

 

[LinkH]

What does remarriage have to do with anything? They are separated, so telling him that they shouldn't be separated doesn't really matter. The fact is that they are, and as they are, they aren't having sex. This is not unusual in a separation.

OP, you say that your wife is talking about reconciliation but you aren't sure. Do you not want to reconcile?

My point is there is no etiquette from God on how to be separated-- except not to do it, and if you do it (or a woman does it) to reconcile (or not remarry).

They are married and should only refrain from sexual activity for any length of time if they both consent to it so that they might pray and fast. That's what they should be doing with their separation if they are going to do it-- pray and fast.

She may have some sexual needs that aren't being met by a sex-less marriage arrangement living in separate homes. Refraining from sex just puts them both in the way of temptation. If they are having sex, she may feel 'more married.'

Is there one good reason why they shouldn't have sex?

 

[dayhiker]

To the OP ... I say you can have sex, no problem UNLESS sex was part of the problem in your marriage, then you need to understand that and work out that problem and having sex too early might work against reconciliation.

If you do have sex, make sure that you don't think since we are having sex, then things must be OK. Enjoy the sex and then get back to dealing with your issues and work at them till they are resolved.

You can touch as far as I am concern, and I don't see any reason in the Bible while God has a problem with it either.

I really like If Not for Grace and what she said about dating, romance etc.

 

[Andyman68]

Thank you all for your responses they are very Helpfull.
Hetta- yes I do want to reconcile what I mean by I am not sure is I am not sure if my wife actually does as I dont see any active work being done to reconcile, we have no plan.

 

[LinkH]

Thank you all for your responses they are very Helpfull.
Hetta- yes I do want to reconcile what I mean by I am not sure is I am not sure if my wife actually does as I dont see any active work being done to reconcile, we have no plan.

Can you be da man with da plan?

 

[Andyman68]

LinkH - yes I can and I will, I will handle this situation in as Godly a manner as I can and behave more like Jesus Christ . I will accept that whatever the outcome it is Gods will and he will finish the work in me that he has begun. Thanks for listening all and the advice.

 

[razzelflabben]

I have been separated from my wife for two months, we are working towards a reconciliation ( or at least she says we are) . Here is my problem, sometimes when I am at her house she wears revealing clothing which causes me to have certain feelings and thoughts towards her. I still love my wife and find her very attractive, I guess what I am saying is is it ok for me to try to be intimate with her or do I have to back off because we are separated. I know you are thinking "ask her", I have thought of this but I am kinda scared to why I dont know. Ok part 2 of the question when I leave I am sexually frustrated would it be ok to touch or is this wrong.

being separated and having sex, could muddy things, largely depends on why the separation, where the reconciliation stands, etc.. but the thought that strikes me, is that maybe what she is doing is trying to find out if you are still interested sexual, maybe she needs to know you still find her attractive, that there is something there to work for...just a thought for what it's worth, that doesn't mean you have license to have sex at this point in the conversation, but it does mean that revealing to your wife, your sexual desires toward her, not toward sex in general, might help to heal some old wounds.....as to part be, can't think of any situation where masturbating would be okay...

 

[pinkfaith7]

I couldnt agree with the last poster anymore. You are separated for a reason. Dont know what the reasons are but sex can definiteyt get in the way of whatever healing needs to be done. She is wearing revealing clothing because she does obviously want to "tempt" you or make you miss her in that way or just have you be attracted to her, no matter what else is going on. BUT...I can assure you that being the spiritual leader in this will make her more attracted to you and also in the bigger picture gain her respect. Let her know she is beautiful and certainly turning you on but that you both really need to focus on what went wrong in the first place before you go there. Its hard for a wife to be offended if put like that. Add that she needs to cover up a bit too.
As for touching yourself, the bible talks about not wasting your seed. Not just for reproductive reasons, but keeping that act [and it is a sexual act] sacred for just the two of you. wait on God and wait for her. you can do it , you know this. And the rewards will be amazing. In and out of the bed. God bless. Praying for all issues to be resolved and reconcialiation!!!

 

[ParentofChildren]

@Hetta is being cautious, IMHO Sex will smother reason & judgement.
I say go slow. You are separated. Try a date. Tell her, & show her love. Kiss, and let her know you look forward to returning to your physical relationship when you reconcile the separation. If a couple has a deep rift, abstinence keeps things focused.