Soon to be married

[JulieB]

Me and my christian fiancee are planning to get married in January. My non-believing parents do not agree at all. They think I am way too young (granted I am only 18) and I am throwing my life away. My fiancee and I prayed about our marriage for a long time. We wanted to get married as soon as I finished school, but we waited on God and made sure it was His will. I do understand that I am young, and my parents are losing their baby girl, but some of the things they have told me are completely uncalled for. I don't know what else to say to them to help them out. I'll just keep praying for them. I want them to be a part, but they are so against me right now. I am getting married regardless of their support or not, because I have to follow God, but it'd be nice to have their support. Any suggestions?

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

Ok WOW

I totally understand what your going through. I got married about a year and a half ago, while i was still in high school(18yr old) . My dad said fine, i am a big girl, but my mom freaked. My husband is a christian and we both had prayed hard about the issue and felt it is what God wanted despite what either parents said.

I figured if it has been prayed about, then dont listen to other people.

I am very happily married, it is a dream come true.

I hope that all works out well for you.

email me anytime
mstodd919@hotmail.com

 

[looksgood]

I never understood how ppl think u would be throwing your life away when u marry. Doesn't that seem totaly opposite of what God planed? I mean I hear it all the time, "don't marry cause u will never be able to live your life!" But I don't understand that. If you think like that then why marry or even date?! Some people WANT to live life with someone. How is it throwing life away when all you want in life in the first place if your wife/husband? I am not married yet but I really do want someone to answer this question. It doesn't make sence to me.

 

[JulieB]

I dont understand either looksgood. I am looking for advice to tell my parents since they are the one's who do believe I am throwing my life away.

 

[AndOne]

JulieB -

Sorry to say this - but it may take your parents a great deal of time to be agreeable - because as you said - they believe that you are throwing your life away. One thing that might ease their pain - is if you tell them you guys are going to wait until you are financially secure to have kids - or at least wait a few years before you have kids. At least then they will know you all are "thinking rationally" - and perhaps consider that you are more mature then they origonally had considered. Just a thought.

Another piece of advice - is to always be respectful and no matter how much you disagree do not fight with them - even if they try and bait you into it. You will be letting them know that its your decision and its a done deal. Be ready to forgive them years down the road too - try not to hold a grudge against them for not supporting your decision now - it ain't worth loosing your kids' grandparents over - and it will be showing the love of Christ to them.

For some encouragement on getting married so young read my post here: http://www.christianforums.com/t726781&page=3

God bless you guys and good luck!

 

[bliz]

Do they think you are throwing your life away by marrying him, or by getting married at this age?

18 is young. I would not be at all happy if any of my kids wanted to get married at age 18. I'm not saying it can't work, but in our present society, young people grow up so much more slowly. There is so much that you don't know about yourselves let alone each other.

Just curious, how has God told you that you are to marry? How has God told you that you are to marry now?

 

[desi]

Tell then its your life and its in God's capable hands.

 

[Jenna]

I'll second Desi.

I don't know that there is much that you can say to your parents to change their minds. Maybe the best thing that you can do is to accept their disagreement gracefully and try not to take it too hard, knowing that it is just worry that drives them. If you want to put them at ease, the best that I can give you is to really work your marriage. If you are committed to thriving in your marriage, then there isn't going to really be anything for them to complain about as you see fruit come from your marriage. I'll tell ya though..... *laughs* .........should anything happen, that's probably gonna be that trump card, the "I told you so". All in all, you're a woman now and capable of making your own decisions, and dealing with the consequences of those decisions, for the good or bad. If you act like an adult, eventually they will start to see you more as one, instead of just seeing that 'little girl' in you. It takes time...

 

[Banana Phone]

Whatever you do, respect your parents and do not alienate them. You may need them more than ever in the future. They are not trying to punish you, they are only trying to look out for what they believe is in your best interest. It's not a ployto make you unhappy.

 

[joyfulgirl]

blessings, julie!

i don't have advice to offer, but i know that God's will will prevail. so just hope in that, and pray that you parents will come to understand.

 

[GirlieGirl]

Just be absolutely, 250% sure that this is indeed God's will. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly and with any hint of a thought that says "well, we can always divorce". If God is telling you to get married, then who else can you obey? ....Just be totally and completely sure that is is God telling you and not yourselves rationalizing your personal desires and trying to interpret them as being God's instruction to you. Deciding to marry is a weighty decision. And young marriages have a higher tendency of failure. I pray you do what God is calling of you.

 

[fiveinjuly]

Weird, my best friend is going through the same thing with her fiance. The best thing that you can do is pray about it. If you really feel that this is God's plans for you then you kind of have to take what your parents say with a grain of salt, especally since they aren't Christians (not to hate on unbelievers or anything).

 

[laura-ann]

wow. woaaah!

ok well, my fiancee and I are planning to get married in February next year. As you can probably see, I am 17. My parents are incredibly strong Aetheists and are so much against it its untrue. I am so sure that this is what is right, we have been together 2 years aswell. (i will be 18 when we are wed ). Most of you are probably thinking im way too young, well I have not been raised a christian and have had a very 'adult' teenage years which I totally regret. However my fiancee (the wonderful guy that he is) knows everything about me and really wants to be with me forever. everyone who knows me would say I am very amture! But yes, once again I am in such a similar situation to you (except for im in New Zealand) and it is just so challenging! I had always dreamt to have a lovely wedding with my parents all tearfully happy, but it looks like they are going to be just plain old tearful. My fiancee is also financially secure and between us we earn quite a reasonable amount!

Any advice or thoughts would be greatfully appreciated

 

[Tuffguy]

I think its crazy to marry at 18. Many many things change with your wants and desires out of like when you get out of college. Are both or either one of you going?
For me and everyone else i have ever talked to, we are very different people at 18 then 22.

 

[bkg]

Wow... As a 31 year old, I feel both incredibly old, and incredibly old...

Question: when you say it's "God's will" that you marry, do you mean:
it's God's will that we marry!

or

it's God's will that we marry... NOW!

These are two very different things. TuffGuy is correct, that people do a vast majority of their "growing" and "changing" between the ages of 18-22/3. It's typically the first time we are out of the home, first time we have to fend for ourselves, etc.

 

[JulieB]

I appreaciate everyone's comments. I would have wanted to get married as soon as I finished High School. But he and I both knew that wasn't what God wanted for us. So we prayed about it some more and early June I think it was we prayed about when we should get married, and as wonderful as our God is, we both came back with the same date. The odds are definitly against us both picking the same day out of 365. I have continued to pray about the whole situation, and I know everything will be fine as long as I continue to be in God's will.

Advice to laura-ann: make sure through it all you keep focused on God. I recently figured out I was so worried about what my parents were saying and how much they didn't approve that I let the devil distract me. Now that I am again completely focused on God, I am able to handle it a lot better.

Once again thanks for all the comments

 

[Green Orchid]

Getting married at 18? I would rarely recommend it.

I got married when I was almost 21, and maybe you'll say that is barely a 3 years difference, but oh, what a difference it made!!

I started dating my husband at 18 and if it was just up to us, we would have gotten married right then, cuz we just knew we were meant to be married.

But thank God everybody stopped us and said "Wait a little longer and finish Bible College". (that's where we met)

Which we did, and I thank everyone who said to WAIT, not because we were immature, or that it wasn't God's will... but there's just some growing up to do alone and things God has to work in us that can only come a little after we have just come out of teenage years.

And although my "husband material" tastes didn't change at all from high school to the time I was married, everything else changed!

So my question to all extremely young future married couples is... will the person you marry at 18 be the same when you get to 25? And will you still love that person?

One thing to consider too is kids. Cuz we can use all the protection we want to postpone them for a little later, slipups can happen and tadah! you're pregnant at 18! (that happened to my best friend)

Are you ready for that?

But in conclusion, if you are 2000% certain that marrying is God's will for you right now, then God bless, and have a WONDERFUL time, cuz marriage is AWESOME!!!

 

[Leanna]

Do you and your fiance have plans for your life other than marital bliss? If the only thing there is to grab hold of is "I want to be married!!!" then you could potentially be throwing your life away.

I got engaged at 18 and married at 19 and I do not think marrying early is throwing your life away. But we had dreams that we continued to plan for after we were married. My husband continued going to college to get his degree (which he did) and I worked full time. After he was done I started going to one or two classes a semester while working full time and I plan to continue taking 1-2 classes while raising children (having a baby in a month +/-) until I finish probably many years from now. But that way I will have a job that I enjoy and pays well after my children are in school and there is no use for me to be home all day.

There has to be more to life than wanting to be married. Maybe your parents think that is all you have planned-- get married and work at McDonalds (no offense to anyone who works hard and that is your lot!). Meanwhile they envisioned you going to college, getting a good paying job, being involved in extra activities, sports? Make other plans than getting married and show your parents you aren't throwing your life away.

Now more about the blessings of parents. I know it is probably too late to be saying this, and I am aware you are 18, but I have always been taught to wait as long as you can when you don't have your parents blessing. Young marriages need the support of parents although I realize they aren't Christian. I almost got engaged at 17 but my dad said no, but then I got engaged at 18 when he said yes. In fact I have been told that if God really wants you to get married he can change your parents mind. If you are so sure that it is God's will, why don't you ask Him if he could confirm it through changing your parents mind? What makes you so sure He told you to get married? Do other adults and your in laws support this decision?

 

[FroZenDeSire]

I got engaged when I was 18. My parents and his were fully supportive. Marring young is difficult, not impossible, but difficult. We are both just babies heading into the world trying to make it on our own.. we still need our parents. They both love us so much that they help us whenever they can.

I know it may seem like God's plan... but perhapse this is God's way of saying "wait a little longer".

How old are you old to get married where you live? I was 20 days away from my 19th birthday and therefore my parents had to sign to give permission. Perhapse you should look into this, just incase.

I'd really encourage you to make sure that this is the absolutle right thing to do. Marriage seems like the best thing to do at any moment.. but it really needs to be done at the right time. Have you asked your parents when they would want you to get married? When they think you are ready? This is a great time to show your maturity.

 

[JulieB]

I am still going to college and my fiancee is attending Bible College this semester. We have outside plans other than just being married. We've talked to our Pastor and many many leaders of our church and all are full supportive. His parents are also very very supported and have been asking us for a while now when we are getting married. We've been counselled (pardon my bad spelling habits) by many christians who know us and our relationship, and our walk with God and all are fully supportive. Granted only us and God know exactly where we are with Him and eachother we are around these people A LOT. My parents want us to wait until I am completely done with college (four years from now), and I see their point in wanting that. But I know that's not what God has planned. God has softened my parents up and they are much more receptive to it now, but now I've got aunts and uncles and grandma's and granpa's to pray for. They all live 900 miles away so I didnt think they'd be involved too much, turns out they all have to put their two cents in, good or bad. As far as kids, we have no plans for kids until way down the road, but should there be a "slip-up" I have figured it out and we can financially support ourselves on just his paycheck. Granted things would be a bit tougher, but it could be done. Anyway thanks for all the input.