Son is smaller than his younger sister - help!

[kjs000]

...

 

[Albion]

Alas, this is a situation that millions of other young people have found themselves in. If ”living with it” is not an adequate answer, he will just have to find something competitive that he can do well at.

He is about to leave high school, so the most common--joining the wrestling or cross country teams--probably aren't going to accomplish that, but on the other hand, there are a number of more adult sports that could, such as bowling, golf, sailing, etc.

And these aren't finished the minute high school is over, nor are these activities the pursuits of natural athletes only.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Pray first, then pray more.

Possibly do not intervene (as much as possible let them be).

Pray again. (yes, a lot of praying is needed, and do nothing without a lot of praying beforehand , not even if you get what sounds like "good" advice) ...

Yahweh is totally wise and understanding - lean on His understanding and not your own (nor any man's understanding, except for proving it first, via prayer and Scripture) ....

This did not catch Yahweh (God) by surprise .... He has always known all that is happening.
And His wisdom is perfect, He knows and has always known what to do, and will show you.

 

[ewq1938]

He needs to start bodybuilding and take it seriously for years and years and he will grow in strength and confidence.

My wife and I have two kids, our son is 17 daughter is 15. Our son wants desperately to be an athlete with height and muscles, but it just doesn’t seem that he’s built for it. He’s 5-7 and has a slight build and just isn’t terribly coordinated- sports have never come naturally for him. To his great dismay, his younger sister is 5-10 and is just a natural athlete with broad shoulders.

The doctor has said our sons health is fine, blood work is normal, just that “genetics can be cruel sometimes.”

They really have a great relationship and are kind to each other, but they’re also siblings and get into their rough housing grudge matches - usually good spirited but sometimes not. Her size and strength advantage makes it completely unfair, but if I ever intervene, I can tell he’s humiliated and tells me that he doesn’t need to be protected from his little sister.

She keeps getting stronger from her sports training, and he has an “what’s the point, it’s no use I’m not going to get stronger anyways,” kind of an attitude. I worry that he’s depressed.

He’s learned our traditional family values growing up, and for better or for worse, I’ve tried to teach him for years what it means to be a man. One of the things I used to tell him is that you’ll always be a big brother, and part of that is to protect your little sister and someday you’ll have a wife to protect.

It feels like no matter how much I backpedal on things like that, he feels like he’s a failure, or not a man. The fact that his little sister can beat him in one on one basketball or in an arm wrestling match is clearly a really big deal to him, and has become something much bigger than what it is.

Sorry for the long windedness. Any similar stories? Advice?

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[Sketcher]

What are his strong points?

 

[JIMINZ]

Sure,
I was 5'3'' 100 lbs. when I joined the Navy at 17yrs. 9mo. I only grew 5 more inches by the time I was 25, I had a slight build, through the type of work I have done my entire life in all types of construction I gained weight, and muscle.

But it's not all about that, it's psychological he's the guy, he's the older one, he's supposed to be bigger and stronger than his younger sister, it's embarrassing for him, it's a self esteem issue, not a physical issue.

He wants to be the man, and he can't see it happening if his younger sister is bigger and stronger than he is.

Isn't there anything he could do physically that she would not be able to keep up with. What about Running, Jumping, Javelin, Discus even Decathlon, and Pentathlon, Bicycling.

There are tons of things he could do, which do not take great strength.
If there are things he just can't do, or can't do a good as he wants to do them, then look for those things he is fully capable of doing with the physicality he does have, if he is slight, then his muscles are different and there are things he can do which take longer rather than bulkier muscles.

Just reassure him, it will all come in time, the only problem with that is he wants it now.

 

[2tim_215]

Presumably you're a Christian. Teach him about how God bestows different gifts towards everyone and that just because you may not be the most gifted athlete, he most likely have gifts that he may not be aware of. He might become a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, an artist or a concert pianist. As his father, you not only want to encourage him, but try to figure what he's good at an help him to pursue whatever that goal is. Your daughter being a good athlete is nice, and something you can enjoy and will receive all the accolades as a youth and even if she goes on to have some kind of career in sports, I'd take all the above for my kid.

Praying for your son and that he'll be ab,e to find the thing that God has given him and then helping as best you can to pursue it and both you and your son cheer your daughter on in her pursuit of athletics. I have to children who are now adults and who were both very good at sports when they were young and can tell you a little more about them and my experience if you happen to be interested. Hope this helps.

 

[dqhall]

My wife and I have two kids, our son is 17 daughter is 15. Our son wants desperately to be an athlete with height and muscles, but it just doesn’t seem that he’s built for it. He’s 5-7 and has a slight build and just isn’t terribly coordinated- sports have never come naturally for him. To his great dismay, his younger sister is 5-10 and is just a natural athlete with broad shoulders.

The doctor has said our sons health is fine, blood work is normal, just that “genetics can be cruel sometimes.”

They really have a great relationship and are kind to each other, but they’re also siblings and get into their rough housing grudge matches - usually good spirited but sometimes not. Her size and strength advantage makes it completely unfair, but if I ever intervene, I can tell he’s humiliated and tells me that he doesn’t need to be protected from his little sister.

She keeps getting stronger from her sports training, and he has an “what’s the point, it’s no use I’m not going to get stronger anyways,” kind of an attitude. I worry that he’s depressed.

He’s learned our traditional family values growing up, and for better or for worse, I’ve tried to teach him for years what it means to be a man. One of the things I used to tell him is that you’ll always be a big brother, and part of that is to protect your little sister and someday you’ll have a wife to protect.

It feels like no matter how much I backpedal on things like that, he feels like he’s a failure, or not a man. The fact that his little sister can beat him in one on one basketball or in an arm wrestling match is clearly a really big deal to him, and has become something much bigger than what it is.

Sorry for the long windedness. Any similar stories? Advice?

I was not very strong or coordinated. A friend told me about a summer job opening at a moving and storage company. I got the job. I was carrying boxes, furniture and appliances that summer. It almost broke me, but I got stronger instead. Went to PE class in my senior year of high school and hit a home run in softball. I had not been able to do that in previous years. My grade in PE went from a C to a B. I have slightly crooked feet and can not run fast.

 

[JAM2b]

I was the same size as my older brother who is a year older than my by the time I was a year old. We looked like twins. By the time I was five, I was taller than him. It remained that way until he was in 9th or 10th grade because he caught up to me. We are the same height as adults, but he claims to be two inches taller. I don't believe he is because when we face each other we are staring eyeball to eyeball. He had one friend who used to always call me his big-little sister.

My mother's family has a lot of smaller people. It is unusual for the men to be as small as my brother is though. I am 5'1 and he is about the same regardless of his claim, and he often looks like a kid from behind. He grew a mustache at an early age because of it.

He has an arrogant attitude though and always felt like he was as good or even better than anyone else. He learned to embrace a sense of humor about his size and take advantage of it to get attention. He was always like that scrappy and feisty little guy, and he really played that up.

He was a prison guard for a little while. One time there was a small riot and a group of men were on the floor fighting and blocking the way down a hallway. One of the other guards picked my brother up and threw him over the dog-pile so he could push an alarm button. He loves to tell that story.

If your son is having a hard time about it though, I think counseling would be a good idea.

 

[2tim_215]

In life, it's not necessary to be an athlete. Some people are gifted in that way, others gifted in other ways. I had a son and a daughter, the son being older. They were both gifted athletes but my daughter, when she went to high school was the star basketball player her freshman year. She also was on the girls softball team but decided not to play after her first year because she wanted to be more to her studies. She eventually went on to get a business degree. So, as I said you want to encourage both of them and try and help them to find what they're good at, and help them pursue it.

 

[JAM2b]

There's not a lot that can be done about height, but muscle tone can be worked on. You said he wants to be athletic, maybe he could try weight lifting or a type of sport that does not require a lot of coordination.

My oldest son is not very fast or coordinated, but he enjoys weightlifting, conditioning, and training. He wants to be athletic, but he just doesn't have the natural talent to build skills on. He keeps trying though, because he wants to.

There are many ways to be a family leader and protector. If you son is able to be vigilant and a strong provider, then he can give that protection through other means than his bare hands, like paying for security, guard dogs, surveillance equipment, safer neighborhoods and schools. He can be proactive rather than physically reactive.

 

[Chinchilla]

My wife and I have two kids, our son is 17 daughter is 15. Our son wants desperately to be an athlete with height and muscles, but it just doesn’t seem that he’s built for it. He’s 5-7 and has a slight build and just isn’t terribly coordinated- sports have never come naturally for him. To his great dismay, his younger sister is 5-10 and is just a natural athlete with broad shoulders.

The doctor has said our sons health is fine, blood work is normal, just that “genetics can be cruel sometimes.”

They really have a great relationship and are kind to each other, but they’re also siblings and get into their rough housing grudge matches - usually good spirited but sometimes not. Her size and strength advantage makes it completely unfair, but if I ever intervene, I can tell he’s humiliated and tells me that he doesn’t need to be protected from his little sister.

She keeps getting stronger from her sports training, and he has an “what’s the point, it’s no use I’m not going to get stronger anyways,” kind of an attitude. I worry that he’s depressed.

He’s learned our traditional family values growing up, and for better or for worse, I’ve tried to teach him for years what it means to be a man. One of the things I used to tell him is that you’ll always be a big brother, and part of that is to protect your little sister and someday you’ll have a wife to protect.

It feels like no matter how much I backpedal on things like that, he feels like he’s a failure, or not a man. The fact that his little sister can beat him in one on one basketball or in an arm wrestling match is clearly a really big deal to him, and has become something much bigger than what it is.

Sorry for the long windedness. Any similar stories? Advice?

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 King James Version (KJV)
24 Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.

25 And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.

26 I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air:

Run a race for God you don't have to be athlete . God also loves to choose weak to glorify himself in them making them strong .
Playing games is stupid if you think about it , you hit a ball with stick wow . Some people spend thier lifes to hit a ball with stick better than others.
And people watching these men playing with the stick like kids are willing to even fight each other because one team with sticks won and the other did not .

It's pointless . Everything is pointless apart from winning souls .

 

[JAM2b]

Another thought that came to mind is that leaving dangerous situations is just as protective as standing your ground. Think of the times in the Bible when men fled. Even Joseph, the husband of Mary and earthly adoptive father of Jesus, fled to Egypt when warned to in a dream. He literally took his family and ran away. If that's good enough for the leader of Jesus' family, then it's fine for other husbands and fathers.

So I think that remaining watchful and having the means to remove yourself and your family from dangerous circumstance is very valid and respectable.

 

[MomofaDozen]

Hi KJS, I hear your anguish at not knowing how to help your son. I have known parents to give their children growth hormones to help in a situation like this, but they are experimental and can have unwanted side effects. I also have friends who were small and scrappy and who built up to become very bulky. It helped boost their ego a little, but didn't really address the confidence problems they had or any of the deeper issues at hand. It can also send a message that you're really not important UNTIL you bulk up. And that isn't true.
In my own family, two of my sons were very athletic while another was not. His brothers picked on him for this; and since my husband was also very muscular, it seemed to my son he might be less of a man because he was surrounded by athletes. In spite of being extremely intelligent and talented in multiple fields, he felt very insecure. Thankfully, in following Jesus, this son came into his own place of confidence. This son now has a Master's Degree in music and education and is a high school teacher. He has found his niche. He is a leader and young people look to him for direction and wisdom.
(Side story: My daughter, who is neither athletic nor muscular, can beat all of her brothers at arm wrestling just because she has long arms!)
My suggestion would be that you pray for your children, asking God to reveal to each of them how much He loves them, asking Him to take away all of their fears and shows them their purpose in His kingdom. I would have a talk with the daughter, asking her to show her brother the respect that a man needs (yet not treating him with kid gloves either). She might let him know what she really appreciates about him. Just a thought.
I would think of what your son loves and what he's good at, and gently encourage him in whatever those things are. I hope that helps.

 

[faroukfarouk]

There's not a lot that can be done about height, but muscle tone can be worked on. You said he wants to be athletic, maybe he could try weight lifting or a type of sport that does not require a lot of coordination.

My oldest son is not very fast or coordinated, but he enjoys weightlifting, conditioning, and training. He wants to be athletic, but he just doesn't have the natural talent to build skills on. He keeps trying though, because he wants to.

There are many ways to be a family leader and protector. If you son is able to be vigilant and a strong provider, then he can give that protection through other than means than his bare hands, like paying for security, guard dogs, surveillance equipment, safer neighborhoods and schools. He can be proactive rather than physically reactive.

The biceps does have to be worked on!

It takes dedication sometimes.