Son "Afraid" to Date Again

[MamaStitch]

My 21yo son broke up with his 3rd gf over a year ago and is "afraid" to date again because he doesn't want to break another girl's heart. He is a Christian and has only dated to identify a suitable wife. In each case, big issues arose about 1 yr in. By then, hearts were invested as it was difficult to guard their hearts for that long. He really listens to our advice. What advice can I give him. "Get back on the horse" isn't working... TYIA

 

[sandman]

Horses are wonderful, I have a couple ...but I don't think the are a suitable mate for your son .......................couldn't resist.

Mom ....your doing great! .... so no real advise (other than the horse thing)

He just needs some time to heal. The right one will be there at the most unexpected moment .... And he will know without a doubt ...that is the way God works.
Keep up the good work.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

My 21yo son broke up with his 3rd gf over a year ago and is "afraid" to date again because he doesn't want to break another girl's heart. He is a Christian and has only dated to identify a suitable wife. In each case, big issues arose about 1 yr in. By then, hearts were invested as it was difficult to guard their hearts for that long. He really listens to our advice. What advice can I give him. "Get back on the horse" isn't working... TYIA

Date, just do not "go steady" or make any promises. Take it slow.

 

[trophy33]

He is too young to deal with the drama and uselessness of modern dating. There is nothing wrong with him leaving the dating scene for as many years as he likes. He can study, build a career and work on himself, without emotional distracting.

Do not push him back into it.

 

[Unqualified]

Two things: Don’t let them get involved sexually, because then it will hurt and they will be involved to the point of being one. Then the tearing in two again. and Make sure she is a Christian girl on the same page. God will bless their marriage then. It’s great to have love and a relationship before you get married and sex comes last. If they want Gods blessing and He to be the one uniting them then it’s better to wait. Any girl or boy that insists might not want the life long commitment. There is too much divorce in the world.

There is a lot to cope with and they need that bond that will overcome Anything. With Jesus at the front of them leading. Its pretty serious. He should be smarter now to know that is going to happen. So do it the Lords way.

 

[eleos1954]

My 21yo son broke up with his 3rd gf over a year ago and is "afraid" to date again because he doesn't want to break another girl's heart. He is a Christian and has only dated to identify a suitable wife. In each case, big issues arose about 1 yr in. By then, hearts were invested as it was difficult to guard their hearts for that long. He really listens to our advice. What advice can I give him. "Get back on the horse" isn't working... TYIA

He shouldn't be dating to identify a suitable wife. He should look at dating as forming friendships .... if the friendship turns into the two deciding to get married then great ..... if not then they can continue to be friends if they both choose to do so.

Relationships come and go .... and yes are sometimes painful for a while when they don't work out .... love involves risk ... even so it's worth pursuing ... if not pursued it will likely never be found.

Friends first.

 

[anetazo]

My honest advice. Dont date. The majority are on the wrong path. Read second Timothy chapter 3. Times will get more evil. Theirs many fake Christian people in the world. Your putting yourself in position to compromise your values and beliefs. Some people use churches as smoke screen. And Christian people and heathen are not compadable, read second Corinthians chapter 6. The key to this is second epistle of John. Stay away from denominations and false doctrine. Don't tithes too church that teaches traditions of men. God hates false teachings. Get the picture. Proverbs 14:33. Wisdom rests in the heart of him that hath understanding: But that which is in the midst of fools is made known. Hirelings are in it for the money. The flocks suffer for nourishment. Fake Christian will take advantage of inexperienced Christian people. Second Timothy chapter 3 warns us, perilous times shall come. Not mabey. 13:10. Only by pride comes contention; But with the well advised is wisdom. Perilous times are here, it will get more evil before satan as antichrist comes near future. My advice. Stay single. Let me ask question. Who do you want in foxhole with you when antichrist arrives near future. Is this sinking in!?.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

He is very young. He does indeed need time to heal. It's best for him to focus on building and strengthening his relationship with God. At the right time and in the right circumstances, God will connect him with his wife according to Matthew 6:33. But he has to be sure to keep the kingdom as his first priority in order to have this promise fulfilled. I've heard testimonies of men and women so wrapped up in their relationship with God that they forgot about marriage entirely.... but God didn't! He connected them with their spouses in amazing ways! God can surely do the same for your son.

 

[TheLastGeek]

My 21yo son broke up with his 3rd gf over a year ago and is "afraid" to date again because he doesn't want to break another girl's heart. He is a Christian and has only dated to identify a suitable wife. In each case, big issues arose about 1 yr in. By then, hearts were invested as it was difficult to guard their hearts for that long. He really listens to our advice. What advice can I give him. "Get back on the horse" isn't working... TYIA

Putting expectations on an 18 year old kid to "date to identify a suitable wife" is likely part of the problem. He was a kid. These are the years for him to be socializing without heavy, ponderous expectations and pressures on him. He should be making friends, including girls, having fun, and learning who he is, and who he wants to be. My hunch is that after about a year, this poor kid realized "Uh oh, it's been a while, mom and dad are going to expect me to either propose or break it off, and I'm definitely not ready to be engaged," so he breaks it off. Rinse and repeat.

I would honestly get out of your son's love life. At 21, he's now a young adult and can make his own decisions and choices in this arena. Let him date casually, have fun, learn about himself, learn about women, without pressure. There's nothing less attractive than a grown man with a mother who won't cut the apron strings.