Sometimes people

[DZoolander]

astonish me.

For the past number of years my wife's sister hasn't been doing all that well. She had a kid out of wedlock with some jerk who has given her nothing but problems, and the kid (who is now 10) has behavioral issues. When I say behavioral issues, I mean issues so bad that he's been yanked from the general population at school and put into a special unit.

Over the years, it's gotten progressively worse, where the kid gets into trouble at school, so she gets called in to take care of it. Her getting called in makes her un-reliable at her job, she gets passed up for promotion, she has problems with income, etc...which of course stresses her out, causes her problems with her mortgage, which then impacts upon the kid, who becomes more defiant/etc.

Over time this cycle had become so bad that at the start of this past school year, my wife was concerned about her sister's state of mind. She offered to take the nephew into our home for the school year, so the sister could get her affairs into order, take care of the house, sell it, take the proceeds, clear her debt, get back into good standing at work, etc.

So for the past 8 months, we've had him living at our house...and it's been no party. At the start of the school year, he was so bad that he punched a hole in a wall and kicked a door in, because he "wouldn't be disciplined". Over the past 8 months or so, we've seen some pretty dramatic improvements though...and all of the things we were hoping for the mom were pretty much taken care of. She was able to sell her home for a tidy little profit, get her finances fixed, improve her work situation, etc...without having to deal with the stresses of the kid.

But - to an extent - she's kind of been sabotaging things. When the kid would go back over the weekend - we'd often have difficulty with him when he came back. Her parenting style isn't the same as ours, and is a bit more lenient (and in our opinion, contributes to the kid's issues).

About 2 weeks ago, out of the blue, she bought the kid a gift. She bought him an XBox game called Watchdogs 2, which is rated Mature (has storylines of child pornography, extreme violence, etc) - and my wife said to her that she didn't think buying a game like that for a 10 year old with behavioral issues/aggression problems is a great idea. Well, the proverbial crap hit the fan then.

Today was the last day of the school year - and apparently the mom came to pick him up - didn't say a word. Never even had a thank you for taking the kid in - and quite a few months completely supported the kid without any financial contribution.

Gotta say - I'm pretty amazed by that.

 

[danstribe]

I think (hope and pray) that you will be surprised later when he grows up and remembers the love, care and discipline he received from you. I would say never pass up the opportunity to give him more of such love whether his mother thanks you or even if he doesn't...yet. God will certainly not forget. God bless you, your wife and your efforts!

 

[archer75]

Yeah, you never know til later (and sometimes not then) what a difference you made.

 

[DZoolander]

One can hope.

 

[mina]

She might have been embarrassed . Hopefully she'll think about it and realize what happened.

 

[Solomons Porch]

That child will never forget what you and your wife shown him during the time he was with you, it may seem that he will, but I can testify that he will not. I went to stay with an Aunt and Uncle when I was 13, it was a totally different world than what I had known with my parents, I was only there for about 6 months, but I learned so much in that time, things and ways I never knew existed and I still apply what they taught me and shown me, to this very day.

 

[live4Christ2016]

astonish me.

For the past number of years my wife's sister hasn't been doing all that well. She had a kid out of wedlock with some jerk who has given her nothing but problems, and the kid (who is now 10) has behavioral issues. When I say behavioral issues, I mean issues so bad that he's been yanked from the general population at school and put into a special unit.

Over the years, it's gotten progressively worse, where the kid gets into trouble at school, so she gets called in to take care of it. Her getting called in makes her un-reliable at her job, she gets passed up for promotion, she has problems with income, etc...which of course stresses her out, causes her problems with her mortgage, which then impacts upon the kid, who becomes more defiant/etc.

Over time this cycle had become so bad that at the start of this past school year, my wife was concerned about her sister's state of mind. She offered to take the nephew into our home for the school year, so the sister could get her affairs into order, take care of the house, sell it, take the proceeds, clear her debt, get back into good standing at work, etc.

So for the past 8 months, we've had him living at our house...and it's been no party. At the start of the school year, he was so bad that he punched a hole in a wall and kicked a door in, because he "wouldn't be disciplined". Over the past 8 months or so, we've seen some pretty dramatic improvements though...and all of the things we were hoping for the mom were pretty much taken care of. She was able to sell her home for a tidy little profit, get her finances fixed, improve her work situation, etc...without having to deal with the stresses of the kid.

But - to an extent - she's kind of been sabotaging things. When the kid would go back over the weekend - we'd often have difficulty with him when he came back. Her parenting style isn't the same as ours, and is a bit more lenient (and in our opinion, contributes to the kid's issues).

About 2 weeks ago, out of the blue, she bought the kid a gift. She bought him an XBox game called Watchdogs 2, which is rated Mature (has storylines of child pornography, extreme violence, etc) - and my wife said to her that she didn't think buying a game like that for a 10 year old with behavioral issues/aggression problems is a great idea. Well, the proverbial crap hit the fan then.

Today was the last day of the school year - and apparently the mom came to pick him up - didn't say a word. Never even had a thank you for taking the kid in - and quite a few months completely supported the kid without any financial contribution.

Gotta say - I'm pretty amazed by that.

She is in denial and may have mental issues herself. When she comes to ask for a shoulder to cry on when her son is behind bars because of his refusal to obey the law then you may or may not want to console her. Kids want structure, they want rules, they want to be disciplined even though they say they don't. It's what gets them ready for the real world. I can tell you that my son would be hell on wheels if we were so lenient with him. He just turned 11.
Sounds like you did a good job with him.

 

[DZoolander]

That's what I see in his future if things don't change