Something to make you smile

[HeatherJay]

Just an email that really made me laugh. Don't take it too seriously...I hope it makes you guys smile, too.

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our
own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to
make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take
comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to
His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and
Eve.

And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve, we have forbidden
fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why not??"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why
He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes
later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and
Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it
has never changed.


BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and
lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't
be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you
think it would be a piece of cake for you?





THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk
and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and
shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word
for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.



ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your
nursing home one day.


AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON
THE
ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

 

[BeanMak]

Bravo!

 

[Jillian1527]

Awesome!!!!

I have one too!!


I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice, really nice!

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth
to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down.

It translates into $8,896 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite. What do your get for your $160,140:

Naming rights,--- First, middle, and last!
Glimpses of God everyday.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sand castles, and skipping
down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your
stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs,
and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching
Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney Land, and wishing on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and
collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for
Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.
You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the
training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a
wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first
bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal.
You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list
of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and
human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.
You have all the power to heal a booboo, scare away the monsters under the bed,
patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS

 

[HeatherJay]

Oh, I LOVE that one, Jillian. Thank you for posting it.

 

[allieisme]

Loved it!