I'm sorry that I didn't introduce myself properly, but I am in need of advice, very badly....maybe someone can help me?
I was raised a protestant -- now I'm not sure "what" I am due to a bad experience at my church, though God has always been an important part of my life, and I hope to visit one church regularly at some point. I met my boyfriend, who was an atheist/wiccan in high school, and we have been together for six straight years. I went to church and he wore a pentagram, but it didn't bother either of us. We were very happy and loved each other for who we were -- not for what we practiced. I was afraid at first, but I just prayed that God would get us through anything and everything, no matter what, and what I thought would be a little fling turned into what I hope will be a lifetime.
A few months ago, without really informing me, my boyfriend converted to Catholicism, and now I'm just very, very confused. I thought I'd be happy but something just seems very wrong. He is seeking advice from a forum online that condemns everything he believed in...including me. They are saying things like "Do you REALLY want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't pray the way you pray, or believe the things you believe, or learn the things we teach you?" and sometimes I think, at least to THEIR faces but not necessarily to mine, he wonders if they're right. His beliefs have shifted entirely and he's saying things to them that I KNOW he doesn't actually believe in...either he's lying to them, or he's lying to me. At one point he was wondering if I would convert to Catholicism so that we could marry...and I just can't do that. Now he's insisting that I wouldn't have to, but the original suggestion scared me a little, as it just didn't sound like something he would have worried about before. He would love me if I was Jewish, Hindu or a Muslim.
Either way, I just find the whole, very sudden change is terrifying. He and I used to have AMAZING discussions together about what we thought of the Bible or God or religion in general, we used to stay up all night talking to one another and amazing each other with discoveries and epiphanies and new angles on old ideas...now I can't even touch the subject with him without getting upset, and he seems nervous to bring anything up with me now, because he is learning that there is a distinct difference between he and I. It hurts. I wish he could just start over, but now he's also talking about feeling too guilty to consider anything else, and the more he considers whether or not he's serious about what he's doing, the deeper into it he gets. I think it's his way of repenting, but i'm not sure anymore. He might just be saying things to me so that I'll trust him, while he does his thing in secret. He got Baptised as a catholic a few weeks after finding a church, without telling me or giving me any warning so that I could see it, and I discovered a blog online that he was using to write about his new fascination with God, that he didn't share with me until I pointed it out. He was using a username I'd never seen...it was a total fluke that I found it one night, I don't even know how I did it. Maybe God was trying to show me something.
When my boyfriend was an atheist struggling with what he wanted to believe in, I prayed that God would help him find the answer -- and me too, while He was at it! Now I just wish things would go back to normal. When he was an atheist, he was at least totally open about himself, there were no secrets, and we loved each other just as much.
I just don't know what to do. I try to pray that God will help him see his way to whatever the truth really is...and then I pray for comfort...but then I find the only comfort is that one day he'll just go back to normal, and be honest with himself (and with me...), and maybe he'll still find God without this sudden need for organized religion....
We talk about this very often, but sometimes I get the impression that when he says "Maybe I am over my head" he's just saying it to keep me from feeling upset. Then he starts talking like "I will give up Catholicism if it means I can keep you", but I don't want him to give up what he's found!!! I was so happy when he first let it slip that he wanted to find and build a relationship with God...It's not that I don't want that, or that I want him to practice the same faith as I do, I just want him to be real again.
I don't know...I would absolutely love advice...I don't want to lose him over this, and I hate feeling so disconnected and worthless (according to the people he's been going to for advice at least...). Please, if you can, I'd love some help. I don't even know what to ask God for anymore. Everything feels incredibly wrong.
I was raised a protestant -- now I'm not sure "what" I am due to a bad experience at my church, though God has always been an important part of my life, and I hope to visit one church regularly at some point. I met my boyfriend, who was an atheist/wiccan in high school, and we have been together for six straight years. I went to church and he wore a pentagram, but it didn't bother either of us. We were very happy and loved each other for who we were -- not for what we practiced. I was afraid at first, but I just prayed that God would get us through anything and everything, no matter what, and what I thought would be a little fling turned into what I hope will be a lifetime.
A few months ago, without really informing me, my boyfriend converted to Catholicism, and now I'm just very, very confused. I thought I'd be happy but something just seems very wrong. He is seeking advice from a forum online that condemns everything he believed in...including me. They are saying things like "Do you REALLY want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't pray the way you pray, or believe the things you believe, or learn the things we teach you?" and sometimes I think, at least to THEIR faces but not necessarily to mine, he wonders if they're right. His beliefs have shifted entirely and he's saying things to them that I KNOW he doesn't actually believe in...either he's lying to them, or he's lying to me. At one point he was wondering if I would convert to Catholicism so that we could marry...and I just can't do that. Now he's insisting that I wouldn't have to, but the original suggestion scared me a little, as it just didn't sound like something he would have worried about before. He would love me if I was Jewish, Hindu or a Muslim.
Either way, I just find the whole, very sudden change is terrifying. He and I used to have AMAZING discussions together about what we thought of the Bible or God or religion in general, we used to stay up all night talking to one another and amazing each other with discoveries and epiphanies and new angles on old ideas...now I can't even touch the subject with him without getting upset, and he seems nervous to bring anything up with me now, because he is learning that there is a distinct difference between he and I. It hurts. I wish he could just start over, but now he's also talking about feeling too guilty to consider anything else, and the more he considers whether or not he's serious about what he's doing, the deeper into it he gets. I think it's his way of repenting, but i'm not sure anymore. He might just be saying things to me so that I'll trust him, while he does his thing in secret. He got Baptised as a catholic a few weeks after finding a church, without telling me or giving me any warning so that I could see it, and I discovered a blog online that he was using to write about his new fascination with God, that he didn't share with me until I pointed it out. He was using a username I'd never seen...it was a total fluke that I found it one night, I don't even know how I did it. Maybe God was trying to show me something.
When my boyfriend was an atheist struggling with what he wanted to believe in, I prayed that God would help him find the answer -- and me too, while He was at it! Now I just wish things would go back to normal. When he was an atheist, he was at least totally open about himself, there were no secrets, and we loved each other just as much.
I just don't know what to do. I try to pray that God will help him see his way to whatever the truth really is...and then I pray for comfort...but then I find the only comfort is that one day he'll just go back to normal, and be honest with himself (and with me...), and maybe he'll still find God without this sudden need for organized religion....
We talk about this very often, but sometimes I get the impression that when he says "Maybe I am over my head" he's just saying it to keep me from feeling upset. Then he starts talking like "I will give up Catholicism if it means I can keep you", but I don't want him to give up what he's found!!! I was so happy when he first let it slip that he wanted to find and build a relationship with God...It's not that I don't want that, or that I want him to practice the same faith as I do, I just want him to be real again.
I don't know...I would absolutely love advice...I don't want to lose him over this, and I hate feeling so disconnected and worthless (according to the people he's been going to for advice at least...). Please, if you can, I'd love some help. I don't even know what to ask God for anymore. Everything feels incredibly wrong.
