Someone gave me an Ezzo book

[sparassidae]

The feed/play/sleep thing is against nature also... It's normal for a nursing baby to feed and then sleep. That's the way the Hormones Work~ the hormones in the breastmilk promote sleep! So Forcing a baby to stay awake and play until a prescribed time, then putting the baby fully awake down in the crib to "take a nap" and letting the baby scream (with NO contact from mom or dad) until he/she falls asleep is completely against our instincts and the way G-d intended (IMO).

I totally agree. We joke that in our house the routine is feed/play/feed/sleep. Or in the case of our son, feed/play/feed/play/feed/feed/feed/play/play/feed/feed/sleep.



And the detachment is really scary and depressing to watch. We knew someone who was so tuned out to their baby's cries (because they are only doing it to manipulate you) that if the baby had a cold or other illness they would move the cot to the other end of the house so they wouldn't have to hear the nighttime crying .

Another time when they eventually went in (after who knows how long) they found their baby had a 5cent piece (about the size of a penny) stuck in her throat!

 

[lucypevensie]

I guess for me it's the total lack of respect for children and their unique needs and instincts and the really horrific theology they use - so obviously in at attempt to guilt people into doing it "God's way". Rather loaded words . . .

I don't even remember reading anything about "God's way". That doesn't mean it's not in there but even if it were I was pretty desperate. I would have read any parenting book no matter what it said because it was getting to the point where something really bad could have happened and it'd all be my fault.

Actually, through reading the book I learned how to respect my son's unique needs and desires. Prior to this I'd read mostly attatchment parenting books which emphasized closeness, holding, nursing and almost constant contact. What I learned was that MY son did not need those things as much as I had been taught that he needed them. A couple examples: I came to see that my nursing him for his crying was frustrating him rather than helping him and it was upsetting his tummy. After I stopped the frequent feeding he spit up a lot less and cried a lot less. I learned that my trying to cuddle him and rock him to sleep was frustrating to him, while what he needed was to be put down and allowed to calm himself. He always went to sleep easier on his own than with someone holding him.

I'd challenge anyone to come to my house and show me what is wrong with my son because I used a flexible schedule as described in the baby wise book.

 

[JustBoo]

I don't even remember reading anything about "God's way". That doesn't mean it's not in there but even if it were I was pretty desperate. I would have read any parenting book no matter what it said because it was getting to the point where something really bad could have happened and it'd all be my fault.

The book you read , BabyWise is a 'secularized' version of a Christian book called ' Growing Kid's God's Way'

Actually, through reading the book I learned how to respect my son's unique needs and desires. Prior to this I'd read mostly attatchment parenting books which emphasized closeness, holding, nursing and almost constant contact. What I learned was that MY son did not need those things as much as I had been taught that he needed them.

But had your son's unique needs been to eat every hour and be comfort nursed and held lots then that book wouldn't have taught you to respect those needs. So , because your baby happened to be amenable to the suggestions in that book it worked out but had he not been it could have been disastrous at worst or ( because you seem pretty smart) useless.

A couple examples: I came to see that my nursing him for his crying was frustrating him rather than helping him and it was upsetting his tummy. After I stopped the frequent feeding he spit up a lot less and cried a lot less. I learned that my trying to cuddle him and rock him to sleep was frustrating to him, while what he needed was to be put down and allowed to calm himself. He always went to sleep easier on his own than with someone holding him.

I think you would find that most proponents of AP would suggest you do what best meets the needs of your baby. I don't think they wouyld suggest you hold , cuddle or nurse against your baby's will.

I'd challenge anyone to come to my house and show me what is wrong with my son because I used a flexible schedule as described in the baby wise book.

I do not want to prove that there is anything ' wrong' with your son. I have no reason to want to do such a thing.But can you see the danger in another parent as desperate and vulnerable as you were when you read babywise reading it but having a child that does not have similar needs to your son? It could easily prove dangerous. The fact that the advice given in this book flies in the face of basically ALL medical evidence and twists scripture very very badly ( which you probabaly didn't see because it seems you read the secular version) makes it manipulative and dangerous in my mind.

 

[lucypevensie]

Ah, I did not realize there were 2 different versions of the book. I looked and looked and looked for the Jesus on the cross thing that everyone talks about and never read it in my book and that made me think that it was a wild rumor that no one ever thought to check on. Well, now it makes sense.

Anyway, I can respect people's differing opinions. I just hope people can respect mine. I tend to want to get offended when people criticize something that I believe in. It's silly of me probably. I'm not usually so sensitive. I think the topic of parenting brings out the defensive claws more quickly than any other topic.

 

[jgonz]

Lucy~ you were actually AP'ing your baby... because you listened to HIS needs, and not what a book said to do. You don't have one thing to feel defensive about. I think you did a Fabulous job listening to your baby and your own instincts!

One of my boys was more like yours also~ wasn't a cuddler at all. He nursed every 2 hrs, on the dot, sucked me dry and wanted to be put down. Period. He slept better by himself as well. That was just him. Another one of my boys was a Total opposite~ he had to be held 24/7 or his was hysterical, panicked! Very insecure from birth on... and he still doesn't sleep well on his own (he still needs to sleep right next to one or two of his siblings to sleep well). That's just him too.

 

[Leanna]

Ah, I did not realize there were 2 different versions of the book. I looked and looked and looked for the Jesus on the cross thing that everyone talks about and never read it in my book and that made me think that it was a wild rumor that no one ever thought to check on.

I think that's the problem too, over the years he has changed some of his tune too.... it started out something like "Along the infant way" then it was "God's kids God's way" and then it was "Babywise"-- no mention of Christianity at all. .... Ezzo himself is a control freak, it becomes more obvious if you read farther along in the Babywise series.... when I read The No Cry Sleep Solution, I found all the stuff that "worked" from Babywise but in a gentler no crying fashion, just practical "babies are creatures of habit" type stuff... that will probably sound crazy to some of you, but thats how I felt about it

 

[heart of peace]

The Ezzos offer very little room for compromise - all their way or you are not parenting as God intended! Plus, they have misused Scripture to make their point! How can they be trusted if they will do this? (The have contended that Jesus crying out 'My God, why have you forsaken me!' from the cross is a model of the parent child relationship - in a Christian family, children will feel abandoned if you are parenting correctly.) ?!?

Do not give the book away, do not return it for money. Destroy it!

I have never read this book or any other books by this author. I was curious if the author actually said that children will feel abandoned, or did he use some other word, like alone? I ask this because I believe that we all must learn to fight our own battles in life. Even now, my 3 yr old has struggles that I cannot take on myself (much as I would like to) and he most probably feels scared, overwhelmed and maybe even lonely during those times. However, I always remain by his side and I provide for him a source of comfort, a rock to lean on and a shield to protect him as much as I can while honoring that at times he will have to experience things that he may not want to experience.

If he did use the word abandoned, that is alarming. To feel abandoned by one's parents would mean that a child is turning to one's parents for help or comfort and the parent turns their head and ignores their child and does not do anything at all, not even provide a shoulder to cry on.

 

[rocklife]

one parenting book that was given to me when I was a new mother but not a christian was "Successful Christian Parenting" by John MacArthur. I read it because I wanted all the parenting advice I could get, even though I wasn't a christian, but that book also helped plant seeds in me. then I read some of Ezzo's stuff, I liked some of their ideas about respecting other people's property, not letting the kids take over, but I also am a lot more flexible than they allow, some of it was good, some not, like most everything outside of the bible.

 

[Pinki]

My advice would be to read the book if you are interested! You might think it is a pile of codswallop, or you might find some useful tips in it - most parenting books are like that!

We have lots of churchy friends who are very into "Growing Kids God's Way" and they were horrified that we weren't going to do the course before we had our first baby. We didn't have time, and quite frankly, we weren't that interested! Plenty of people told me things like "Oh, you will do GKGW, so your kids will sleep through by 6 weeks" - I had no idea what they were talking about (and really only have a vague idea now). My kids didn't sleep through until WAY after 6 months!

I don't think you can choose one parenting-text-book-style and stick to it. I think you need to read/talk/observe lots of techniques and work out what is best for you and your kids. Ezzo might have some really great techniques that are ideally suited to you... or not!

 

[JulySheMustFly]

To feel abandoned by one's parents would mean that a child is turning to one's parents for help or comfort and the parent turns their head and ignores their child and does not do anything at all, not even provide a shoulder to cry on.

To expand on that. It also sets up the children with a very distorted first experience of the parent child relationship used to represent God's relationship to His children.