Someone else's frustration

[Jenster]

How do you deal with someone who habitually dwells on the negative, thus dragging you down with them?

When my mother is frustrated, she will go in excruciating detail about the situation - talking about every fact and possible reason why something is bad. None of these situations is life threatening or even close to it, which makes me all the more impatient.

Sometimes it feels like she has no desire to be happy. I want for her to be able to go with the flow, but how does one broach this topic with one's mother?

 

[soblessed53]

That is an extremely tough one. I wish I had an answer for you as a friend of mine has the same issue in her life. She is single,never married and lives with her mother who has serious health problems COPD and is a very negative person. My friend is on Prozac and let me say, I think this junk should be banned! I know of so many people who doctors(some are nothing more than dope-pushers) have on this, or a similiar anti-depressant and it has not helped a single one of them! Even though this stuff is only supposed to be prescribed for the short-term the people I know have been on it for years!

Maybe a book like this could help? Thank You for Being Such a Pain : Spiritual Guidance for Dealing with Difficult People http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0609804146/qid=1134141624/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-2649021-1871859?s=books&v=glance&n=283155



Other than that I would just pray,pray,pray baring my heart to God over this issue,to give me the strength and grace to tolerate it. Prayers to you,as I know this has to be very difficult.

 

[Psalms34]

We’re not related, are we? …no I don’t remember ya. Maybe your mom and mine would be happy together HAhaha. I don’t know, if you find the answer please share it with me. The best advice was from a Pastor friend that just said for me to keep my distance. If we were to debate who’s mom is more negative, condescending and verbally abusive, well it’s one debate I won’t enjoy winning, which I will. Prayer helps, don’t underestimate it.

 

[Jenster]

Maybe a book like this could help? Thank You for Being Such a Pain : Spiritual Guidance for Dealing with Difficult People

Thanks, Soblessed53! I can't believe there's actually a book by that title. LOL. I'll check it out.

Faith_Warrior, I wouldn't want either one of us to win that debate! It's so sad, seriously. With all that we have in this world, it's shocking that anyone (us included, since we are not perfect) would have such perpetually thankless attitudes.

I'll let ya know if I find any answers. Thanks for replying! I will pray.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I would think we were related too! I just spent Thanksgiving with some relatives who I'm embarassed to share a last name with...dwelling on the past, dwelling on the negative, bringing up past negatives in MY life!!! aaaaargh!!! Of course, the obvious answer would be to direct your concerns about the situation to God in prayer. I would definitely check out SoBlessed's book suggestion too. Sad to say, in my case I've tried in the past to 'tune out' when the relative/friend goes into the total detail on the matter. I have a bad habit too of getting impatient with them and usually offer up MY opinion on the matter but I try to do it without getting too rude (even though it's tempting!) then change the subject. Try to remind them of some positives in their life...of course, if they are stubborn like some of my family, they'll turn it around on you. Eventually though, they may get the hint that all isn't as bad as they make it out to be...as a matter of fact, life IS what they make it. Good luck!

 

[Craft]

How do you deal with someone who habitually dwells on the negative, thus dragging you down with them?

When my mother is frustrated, she will go in excruciating detail about the situation - talking about every fact and possible reason why something is bad. None of these situations is life threatening or even close to it, which makes me all the more impatient.

Sometimes it feels like she has no desire to be happy. I want for her to be able to go with the flow, but how does one broach this topic with one's mother?

Have you tried to tell her if she does not like something to try and change it, instead of complaining about it. Treat her like you would if a friend was acting that way instead of your mother and tell her how it makes you feel when she acts like that.

 

[Jenster]

Thanks you guys, I will try to remind her of the positives. I can just see that other things drive her, though - like fear. It has such a grip on her; she just doesn't relax.

It's her whole outlook on life: that she must be in control, she must micromanage, things must be perfect or else something bad will happen. It's how she jumps to conclusions based on what she fears might happen.

I hardly know where to start, when bringing up this topic with her. I don't want to sound accusatory. I just really wished she could try to find and talk about the positives in life, instead of the negatives. I just wish we could have a better relationship.

 

[Craft]

Thanks you guys, I will try to remind her of the positives. I can just see that other things drive her, though - like fear. It has such a grip on her; she just doesn't relax.

It's her whole outlook on life: that she must be in control, she must micromanage, things must be perfect or else something bad will happen. It's how she jumps to conclusions based on what she fears might happen.

I hardly know where to start, when bringing up this topic with her. I don't want to sound accusatory. I just really wished she could try to find and talk about the positives in life, instead of the negatives. I just wish we could have a better relationship.

The best time is while making New Years Resolutions, Make one with her, saying "I am going to try to be less Negative in my out look on things" and a second "I wish we could have a better relationship." Both are direct without being so. Give it a try and see if it works.