Saturday mornings are terribly hard for me since the divorce. As I regain consciousness, I slowly realize once again that I'm waking up alone; my wife is once again not laying next to me. I try to push away the thoughts of watching her sleep on those Saturday mornings, or waking her up early just to tickle her and hear her wonderful laughter. And once again, a lonely weekend starts.
I have an ex-girlfriend who is struggling in her marriage. Separation led to reconciliation, which was a huge answer to prayer. Recently things have taken a turn for the worse and both are struggling. He doesn't want to wake up alone on Saturday mornings.
Before my separation, I started to notice that I didn't have a lot of good things to say about my wife's habits or character. I noticed this became an idol during out separation as I tried and tried to convince her that these minor things were causing great trauma in our marriage. Mind you, they were causing much tension, but no more than the minor things about my character that were causing just as much tension. It was these minor things that we learned to focus on when we described our spouses to our friends. My friends husband is focusing on these types if behavior issues as well.
I know that we have all thought that if we could just get our spouse to see and understand the struggle, then our spouse would want to change. I'm sure we've all also learned that this simply will not work.
To the point. If you focus on negative aspecs of your spouses behavior, character, body, life, beliefs - if you focus on anything negative and neglect to uplift the positives, the negatives will grow. As I convinced my wife that she was an over-spender, and I focused on that aspect of her life, she became more and more convinced that this is who she was. That she is defined by her over spending. As I complained that she never talked to me, she talked to me less. As she focused on my inability to show emotion (long story), my ability to show emotion was stripped away. As she complained that I neglected to take her on dates, my desire to date her stripped away.
If you focus on the negative in your spouse, your spouse will become the negative you have focused on. It's irony at work. It's Murphy's law in action. Focus instead on the positive - soar with your spouses strengths. Tell her over and over how wonderful she does those things that she excels at. And more importantly, change the negatives into a positive by elevating the way in which you see those negatives, and speaking to her in a way that lets her know you adore her and have faith in her. Negatives can quickly become postives with a little encouragement and postive reinforcement.
My wife tried to tell me that one time... I didn't get it until I had an opportunity to talk to my friends husband this week. That's almost 18 months after my wife asked me, in deep need for affirmation, to encourage her in her spending problem. I won't even describe the pain that I feel because of this.
Let me say it one more time: If you focus on the negative in your spouse, your spouse will become the negative you have focused on.
I have an ex-girlfriend who is struggling in her marriage. Separation led to reconciliation, which was a huge answer to prayer. Recently things have taken a turn for the worse and both are struggling. He doesn't want to wake up alone on Saturday mornings.
Before my separation, I started to notice that I didn't have a lot of good things to say about my wife's habits or character. I noticed this became an idol during out separation as I tried and tried to convince her that these minor things were causing great trauma in our marriage. Mind you, they were causing much tension, but no more than the minor things about my character that were causing just as much tension. It was these minor things that we learned to focus on when we described our spouses to our friends. My friends husband is focusing on these types if behavior issues as well.
I know that we have all thought that if we could just get our spouse to see and understand the struggle, then our spouse would want to change. I'm sure we've all also learned that this simply will not work.
To the point. If you focus on negative aspecs of your spouses behavior, character, body, life, beliefs - if you focus on anything negative and neglect to uplift the positives, the negatives will grow. As I convinced my wife that she was an over-spender, and I focused on that aspect of her life, she became more and more convinced that this is who she was. That she is defined by her over spending. As I complained that she never talked to me, she talked to me less. As she focused on my inability to show emotion (long story), my ability to show emotion was stripped away. As she complained that I neglected to take her on dates, my desire to date her stripped away.
If you focus on the negative in your spouse, your spouse will become the negative you have focused on. It's irony at work. It's Murphy's law in action. Focus instead on the positive - soar with your spouses strengths. Tell her over and over how wonderful she does those things that she excels at. And more importantly, change the negatives into a positive by elevating the way in which you see those negatives, and speaking to her in a way that lets her know you adore her and have faith in her. Negatives can quickly become postives with a little encouragement and postive reinforcement.
My wife tried to tell me that one time... I didn't get it until I had an opportunity to talk to my friends husband this week. That's almost 18 months after my wife asked me, in deep need for affirmation, to encourage her in her spending problem. I won't even describe the pain that I feel because of this.
Let me say it one more time: If you focus on the negative in your spouse, your spouse will become the negative you have focused on.
