Some discussion topics for first dates

[seangoh]

Some discussion topics for first dates

# ----- Your family and educational background.
# What you are currently doing with your life.
# What made you choose your career/course of study.
# What you like/dislike about it.
# What you like to do for "fun," and why that is enjoyable for you.
# The person you most admire and how he/she inspires you.
# What interests you, and why you are drawn to it.
# Your favorite hobby, why it appeals to you, how you follow it.
# Describing the most satisfying achievement of your life.
# Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Do you think you will ever be able to do it?
# An interesting article you've read and your reaction to it, even if the topic is controversial.
# The best vacation you ever took and why it was so great.
# The most interesting experience you ever had at work or school.

Some people find it easier to mentally review the content of their conversations before they go out. You can see if dating is easier when you take some pre-date time to think through certain ideas and how you will present them.

If you find yourself monopolizing the conversation, stop yourself and start asking questions so your date can talk about the same topic. Don't be afraid to get off on a tangent, or to ask questions such as, "How did that make you feel?" "What was it like?" "What did it look like?"

It's okay if the conversation gets off track when one of you makes a comment that reminds the other of a story or something you want to share. Let the conversation flow - you can come back to the original topic later

 

[fishstix]

Well, since I think that a first date should come only after a close friendship has already existed for quite some time, I'd say a discussion of the stuff that you already know that each other is interested in, perhaps some reminiscing about the good times you've had, that sort of thing. The preliminary 'get to know each other' stuff should have happened long before a first date is even considered.

 

[gizmo03]

I agree with Fishstix... if I go out with someone that isn't already a friend or I know for the most part, I give the 20 question thing. Find out a lot of background info.. before I decide to go out. But some of the topics mentioned have been talked about while out on the date

 

[Tuffguy]

1) How is that Valtrex working for you?
2) My brother is retarded, do you have any retarded siblings for him to play with? He's 35.
3) I save all of my fingernail clippings. Can i have some of yours?
4) I ignore the voices by jamming pencils in my ears. How do you suppress their constant instigating?

 

[Out of the Flames]

Well, since I think that a first date should come only after a close friendship has already existed for quite some time, I'd say a discussion of the stuff that you already know that each other is interested in, perhaps some reminiscing about the good times you've had, that sort of thing. The preliminary 'get to know each other' stuff should have happened long before a first date is even considered.

Seems like a lot of unnecessary red tape to me. I usually just jump right in and say "Coffee, Thursday. Starbucks at 17th and Harbor." Then proceed with the 2 way Spanish inquisition. I don't interview my dates. Prescreen for mental trauma, sure, but no interview.

And then if I decide that they need to go, I ask some of Tuffguy's questions.

 

[fishstix]

Seems like a lot of unnecessary red tape to me.

Friendship = unecessary red tape ?!?!?! I don't understand...

 

[bubblegirl23]

I like to throw in some quirky questions. These will bring out stories, which may spur you to share some of yours. Word associations are the go!

What's your favorite Reality TV moment?

What sort of kid were you?

What's the meanest thing you've ever done?

Do you play practical jokes on April Fools?

What was the worst thing you were made to wear as a child?

Ever been on a roller-coaster?

What's your favourite horror movie?

 

[Out of the Flames]

Friendship = unecessary red tape ?!?!?! I don't understand...

It's not a matter of friendship. Friends are great and I'm all for them. I'm talking about the whole, "I'm going to put him through a series of impromptu rapid fire questions and map his genealogy before I go on a date with him" approach. The whole thing seems to me like something that I could progress through naturally without making my date feel like I'm evaluating him on factors he doesn't know about.

For some people, the friends first approach helps them relax and feel comfortable around the person. But I don't have a comfort zone to try to maintain. I'm comfortable around pretty much everybody. I'm not knocking anyone who would rather be friends first, it just doesn't compliment my personality.

The other issue I've encountered is that when you become good enough friends with someone, they stop seeing you as dating material. I've had this happen more than a few times, and they're very good friends, but one of them was, at one point, someone I was interested in dating seriously and vice versa. Then we got too close as friends and couldn't see each other in a romantic way anymore. Food for thought.

 

[hischildsindik]

It's not the first date that I have too many issues with questions, it's the following ones, assuming there are more than one. When is it okay to ask or discuss the "deep" issues of life? How does that come about "naturally" without the abruptness... or do you just stick to the superficial things in life and let it come up if ever it does?

 

[wildthing]

Here a question, would you mind if I run a TRW on you? I always run credit report on the first date? LOL

 

[waterbear]

Well, since I think that a first date should come only after a close friendship has already existed for quite some time, I'd say a discussion of the stuff that you already know that each other is interested in, perhaps some reminiscing about the good times you've had, that sort of thing. The preliminary 'get to know each other' stuff should have happened long before a first date is even considered.

Agree, the relationship should be a friendship before it's romantic. Couple reasons:

- I think in a romantic relationship, it's too easy to let the romantic appeals dominate... but ultimately marriage really is more a friendship.
- I have certain requirements, a romantic context won't be possible until I see those requirements are met.

 

[Out of the Flames]

Here a question, would you mind if I run a TRW on you? I always run credit report on the first date? LOL

ROFL...That sort of reminds me of the "consentual dating agreement" that I saw once, basically stating that you are both on this date of your own free will and no expectations of hanky panky, real or implied, are binding.

What has this country come to? Dating doesn't seem to be fun for people anymore because it's become so commitment intensive. There's nothing wrong with committment, but it sucks all the fun out of meeting and socializing with members of the opposite sex when you're trying to make the grade all the time. Yeesh.

 

[invisiblebabe]

It's not the first date that I have too many issues with questions, it's the following ones, assuming there are more than one. When is it okay to ask or discuss the "deep" issues of life? How does that come about "naturally" without the abruptness... or do you just stick to the superficial things in life and let it come up if ever it does?

All depends on the people. For me it's remarkably easy to get involved in deep conversations with someone (guy or girl) that I've only just met. I admit I have a dislike for small talk, as I find it rather unnecessary and boring. So I prefer to get to the interesting stuff

However, I wouldn't share anything personal about your spiritual journey, your testimony, or individual or family traumas/crises right off the bat. IE: It would be much better to tell people right away, "I became a Christian in late high school," rather than, "Right around the time God was calling me to Him, my parents were divorcing, I was emotionally unstable, had an eating disorder...." (These are examples, btw... they are not true of me personally.)

 

[KeilCoppes]

Here a question, would you mind if I run a TRW on you? I always run credit report on the first date? LOL

(chuckle) I used to work for TRW before Northrop Grumman bought us out. I will admit to having running Google searches on internet dates in the past, though, to see if they actually existed. :^)

 

[KeilCoppes]

For me it's remarkably easy to get involved in deep conversations with someone (guy or girl) that I've only just met. I admit I have a dislike for small talk, as I find it rather unnecessary and boring. So I prefer to get to the interesting stuff

And why not? Everything else tends to fluff or protocol. Some fluff is ok, but heaven save us from those with hearts of fluff!

 

[fishstix]

It's not a matter of friendship. Friends are great and I'm all for them. I'm talking about the whole, "I'm going to put him through a series of impromptu rapid fire questions and map his genealogy before I go on a date with him" approach. The whole thing seems to me like something that I could progress through naturally without making my date feel like I'm evaluating him on factors he doesn't know about.

For some people, the friends first approach helps them relax and feel comfortable around the person. But I don't have a comfort zone to try to maintain. I'm comfortable around pretty much everybody. I'm not knocking anyone who would rather be friends first, it just doesn't compliment my personality.

The other issue I've encountered is that when you become good enough friends with someone, they stop seeing you as dating material. I've had this happen more than a few times, and they're very good friends, but one of them was, at one point, someone I was interested in dating seriously and vice versa. Then we got too close as friends and couldn't see each other in a romantic way anymore. Food for thought.

I figure that if two people become good friends and get to the point where they don't want to date each other then they probably weren't meant to date each other in the first place. And they would likely have got to that point of not being able to see each other as a romantic partner even if they had started dating. Then they would have ended up breaking up after the initial sparks wore off. With friendship first they discover that they don't want to date each other without either one having to deal with the heartache of a breakup. And they end up with a good platonic friend as opposed to an ex who they would probably have a hard time having any kind of friendship with at all.

Friends first is about more than just being relaxed and comfortable around the other person - it's also about developing a relationship based on more than just infatuation, lust, or shallow forms of attraction. And about valuing a person and a friendship for themselves, not just for the possibility of a romance. And it's also a way of avoiding the "series of impromptu rapid fire questions" as the important things come up naturally as the friendship develops, long before the possibility of dating even comes up

 

[wvmtnkid]

Discussion is ok, but please, don't quiz your date to death! I went on a blind date with the son of a fellow I worked with because he convinced me we were made for each other. (I was young, what can I say! ) Anyway, by the end of the evening, I felt like I had played a game of 20 questions that had expanded to a gazillion questions!!!! And they were stupid questions too. So, please if you are going to ask questions, please make them interesting and don't spend the night just asking them!

 

[ardeur]

I feel uncomfortable going out with a guy unless we were pretty close as friends to begin with. I've never been formally asked out on a date, but I've had guy friends take me places and then insist on paying. I wonder to myself if those guys meant for those outings to be dates, or if they thought it was just spending time with a friend. I don't care either way, but how am I supposed to know if I've really been on a date or not?

From what my guy friends have told me, it's much easier to spend time with a girl under the guise of hanging out rather than coming out and asking for dates.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Just to confuse you further, Ardeur, even with friends that are girls, I often pick up the tab just on general gentleman's principles. Not because I think they're beholden or anything, but simply because it's a means of service from men to women. If there are other guys along, then it's not unusual for women to pay, but if someone is somewhere with me, then it feels strange that they should have to pay. If I'm the man on the scene, then care is my responsibility.

 

[Living4Him03]

I like to find out how they will respond to who I really am instead of just the small talk type stuff...so, I will tell them about one of my screenplay ideas and see what they think or tell them I'm going to be U.S. President someday and see what they say...

If they say "cool" and want to know more then he's a keeper and we will have some good conversations. I also like to see if he's into apologetics