Some Advice

[RepairerOfTheBreach]

Hi Im 21 and my girlfriend is 18 she just graduated and we have only been dating for a month. However we were good friends before we began dating and we liked eachother for months before ever saying anything. Our relationship revolves around awesome communication and God's work in our lives... Everything seems perfect, we are close and affectionate but not too affectionate.. We hug, cuddle, I tend to fall asleep on her couch from time to time during movies but thats what I do, sleep... Then she wakes me for work (this has only happened twice)... We are really honest with eachother about everything, and we talked about our relationship and both stated that we were in this relationship for the long run. We are both physical touch oriented people so we havent let ourselves kiss yet because we feel that would only shove us down a road that could lead deeper than we want. We are really cautious because we have both been hurt before and we dont want our hearts broken. Its hard to keep distance... Should we be keeping distance? On average we talk in person 1on1 like 10 hours or more a week, plus we write eachother e-mails and all that. We are also in alot of the same groups so it seems like we see eachother EVERY day... I love being around her and I miss her if we are apart for more than a day. I believe with all my heart that she is the one but I feel pressured to wait 2-3 years to give it time. It feels sometimes like we are moving too fast, and othertimes we realize that we are playing it safe... So what would you do if you knew that the woman you wanted to marry was 18 and neither of you were in a financial position for marrige... I guess just any feedback you have would be awesome. I love her, and she loves me, we both think this is it but it has only been a month of officialy dating so... it seems really fast to all of our friends, even though her and I had been friends for several months before this developed. Any and all info would be much appreciated, God bless!
-Dan

 

[YouthPastor]

So what would you do if you knew that the woman you wanted to marry was 18 and neither of you were in a financial position for marrige... I guess just any feedback you have would be awesome. I love her, and she loves me, we both think this is it but it has only been a month of officialy dating so... it seems really fast to all of our friends, even though her and I had been friends for several months before this developed. Any and all info would be much appreciated, God bless!
-Dan

I will start with this part of your post -

You are 21 - she is 18 - neither of you are finacially prepared for marriage..... guess that answers that question then doesn't it?

you were freinds for several months before you became a couple?? that is not exactly that long of a freindship.

I would say 2-3 years is not so far off? Why not get some schooling? you and her? it is alot easier now than once you are married.

If I am getting it right from your post - you have been freinds for several months (less than a year) - dating for one month and now marriage is being discussed. - I would say that is alittle too fast. Too fast for what I would recommend

 

[RepairerOfTheBreach]

I will start with this part of your post -

You are 21 - she is 18 - neither of you are finacially prepared for marriage..... guess that answers that question then doesn't it?

you were freinds for several months before you became a couple?? that is not exactly that long of a freindship.

I would say 2-3 years is not so far off? Why not get some schooling? you and her? it is alot easier now than once you are married.

If I am getting it right from your post - you have been freinds for several months (less than a year) - dating for one month and now marriage is being discussed. - I would say that is alittle too fast. Too fast for what I would recommend

Thankyou for your post, yeah I know... Less than a year is too short to be thinking about marrige... I guess we just didnt want to be thinking about breaking up so we thought about the opposite. I think I probably made my post sound worse than it really is, but its how I feel I suppose. As for schooling, I am a youth pastor of a church plant and schooling comes with the position. She is most likely going to begin some medical training to work at nursing homes and doctor's offices. I thankyou though for your advice, youre right, 2-3 years isnt that long...

 

[ChildOfGod20]

yeah i'd say give it some time. my boyfriend and i have been together 2.5 years and we've known for 2 years that it is God's will for us to get married one day but we are still waiting. and yeah it's hard to wait sometimes but the bible tells us to be patient and have self control. we are not ready to get married yet bc we want to make sure we have most of our college out of the way first. we know that God has great plans for our careers and if we get married while we're both in school that could add stress to our lives and keep us from getting to the great plan God has for us. so i would definitely suggest waiting a while. take time to get to know her better. and some more advice: don't start going too far with her. once you do, it's hard to go back to not doing anything. very hard.

 

[Hope_0004]

I think you should try to chill out a little and enjoy this feeling!

I think it is completely normal that you are "jumping ahead" in your mind... otherwise we wouldn't be so familiar with the ideas of "love at first sight", "falling hard", etc. It is OKAY to be excited that you have found someone you enjoy so much, someone special to you that you might see yourself with forever.

Just remember that it is possible that this is euphoria right now, and not exactly LOVE. Love, to me, is almost impossible to develop in a month. You care for her, you're very excited to have met her... and that's great.

Don't ruin it with planning too far ahead or talking about the future at great length. You've already said you're not ready for that anyway.

If you want to see her every day, and she wants to see you every day - go for it. Nothing wrong with that - I have friends I see every day, and your girlfriend should ideally be your best friend. If you think you need space, take it. I've learned from my current boyfriend that things aren't always as complicated as they seem. Sometimes you just have to take it easy and not worry so much about what's going to happen, so you can enjoy what's happening right now.

So excited for you - congrats!

 

[RepairerOfTheBreach]

thanks guys I appreciate all the advice. I know better too, I just have patience problems... I know it also sounds crazy to feel like I love someone after only a month of actual dating... We have been hanging out like 6 days a week or so and talk like 3-5 hours a day many times... I guess our communication being so open is what makes me feel like I have known her for so long...

 

[Hope_0004]

thanks guys I appreciate all the advice. I know better too, I just have patience problems... I know it also sounds crazy to feel like I love someone after only a month of actual dating... We have been hanging out like 6 days a week or so and talk like 3-5 hours a day many times... I guess our communication being so open is what makes me feel like I have known her for so long...

Naw, it's not crazy... just probably not real. I believe that true love grows over time... so, give it time.

 

[Ceris]

Naw, it's not crazy... just probably not real. I believe that true love grows over time... so, give it time.

Allow me to add a clarifier, if I may - This is not to say that valid love does not exist in the relationship. It means true love may easily exist in your relationship BUT considering what you are experiencing right now and in how short of a time frame that its occuring in, probably most of what you're feeling now is a state of euphoria. This is not to say that you do not love your gf! It is to say that love develops over time and that once the euphoria of a new relationship fades (and it will fade), for a relationship to last there must be real love to provide for the solid basis for that foundation.

 

[f U z ! o N]

Allow me to add a clarifier, if I may - This is not to say that valid love does not exist in the relationship. It means true love may easily exist in your relationship BUT considering what you are experiencing right now and in how short of a time frame that its occuring in, probably most of what you're feeling now is a state of euphoria. This is not to say that you do not love your gf! It is to say that love develops over time and that once the euphoria of a new relationship fades (and it will fade), for a relationship to last there must be real love to provide for the solid basis for that foundation.

great advice Ceris! i remember the euphoria i first felt but overtime it did go away. thats when real love took over. a different kind of euphoria

 

[Catholic Wife]

I think it's great that you have planted the seed of love and relationship, but now it's time to let it grow and mature.

Take you time and enjoy what you are going through. You're both young still -- finish your education, get a good job, and save some money before you get married so you can take care of your woman properly.

 

[Hope_0004]

That's right, Ceris - but a deep, abiding love - well, you feel like you've always loved someone once that takes over, but the truth (in my opinion only, of course) is that most of the initial "l-u-v" was really that high of meeting a new person that you really click with, i.e., euphoria - not true love. That's what it morphs into over time... so it seems as though it were always there. Though if some major occurrence was to happen (as in, you had to move, one fell back in love with an ex, or something crazy like that), you probably wouldn't be as sick and sad as you would if a person that you had dated for years moved away or broke up with you. It would be hard, but your recovery would be much more swift, shall we say...

Anyway, I'm just glad that RoB is so happy right now... that's always good!