- Sep 17, 2004
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I have been sober since Christmas day. I have wanted to drink for about a week now. I am talking about it with my sponsor and at every meeting. I am the coffee person at a terrific women's meeting a block and a half from my apartment. That was on Friday night. Sunday night, I went to a terrific Step meeting that I could walk to in nice weather, but drove because it was so freaking cold. I shared about wanting to drink, and some women gave me their numbers.
Last night I went to a meeting and the speaker was so good, I wanted to thank her, but was so depressed, I just left after the meeting. This depression is just the pits, and I am not sure what it is about. It has me terrified and paranoid. I have had thoughts of self-harm, and keep reminding myself of my commitment not to hurt myself, or worse, that I made, in writing, to my therapist. I did call him last night, and felt like he either did not hear me, or I was not good at communicating how depressed I really am.
I want to just curl up in a ball and not get out of bed for a very long time, if at all. If I did not have my dog, I would do just that. I am calling my sponsor, though I would rather isolate. I made three meetings in five days. I volunteered all weekend with the homeless at my church, or at least Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, spending the night on Friday night.
I am struggling with the possibility of having to resign my hospital job, because of my health. I need to talk to my rheumatologist, because the fibromyalgia is really wearing me out.
I sure could use some encouragement/prayer, whatever it takes.
Hugs,
Trish
Last night I went to a meeting and the speaker was so good, I wanted to thank her, but was so depressed, I just left after the meeting. This depression is just the pits, and I am not sure what it is about. It has me terrified and paranoid. I have had thoughts of self-harm, and keep reminding myself of my commitment not to hurt myself, or worse, that I made, in writing, to my therapist. I did call him last night, and felt like he either did not hear me, or I was not good at communicating how depressed I really am.
I want to just curl up in a ball and not get out of bed for a very long time, if at all. If I did not have my dog, I would do just that. I am calling my sponsor, though I would rather isolate. I made three meetings in five days. I volunteered all weekend with the homeless at my church, or at least Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, spending the night on Friday night.
I am struggling with the possibility of having to resign my hospital job, because of my health. I need to talk to my rheumatologist, because the fibromyalgia is really wearing me out.
I sure could use some encouragement/prayer, whatever it takes.
Hugs,
Trish
