So what's with this? Church envy?

[Jenster]

*warning -- mini-rant coming*

So what's with people dissing my church? There have been members who've left over the years, but I've kept in touch with some of them. If we get together, they invariably will say something like, "Oh, I heard the church is a lot smaller than it was before. Is that true?" Or, "I was talking with So-and-so and he said the church has lost a lot of people." Or "You don't have any singles there anymore, do you?"

My question is: Even if these things WERE true, what would be the point of bringing it up? I'm not one to cheer when other people are down, so I don't understand why other people would act that way.

One lady, who left the church a few years ago and has yet to make friends at her new church, asked me specifically about various couples, and whether they are attending our church. After I said yes to just about everyone she mentioned, she acted surprised.

Although it is often sad, churches go through changes all the time. A big church in our area recently lost its very popular senior pastor. I'm not gettin' all gossipy about it. It'd be better to pray for them than talk about it.

Sigh. Just for the record, our church has had some turnover, but probably not more than any other church. And we still have singles, though - yes - some have gotten married or moved on, only to be replaced by new singles who've joined the church.

*end rant.*

I suppose if I were feeling a mean streak, I would reply: "Yes, you've heard right! There's no one there. Last week there were 2 people at service. Me and the pastor!"

 

[If Not For Grace]

These poor people are just looking for ways to make themselves feel better. I know it sounds silly, but nothing makes you smile inside sometimes like hearing your ex is now dating some one who is coyote ugly. Not that you wish them badddd luck or anything, but if the next person is ugly compared to you you stand a little straighter for a few days. The same is true of "groups" you used to belong too. Everyone likes to think they made a difference. They are probably just looking for a "we miss you there" in a twisted sort of way.

 

[faithmom]

I am with DYANM,

It is sad but true. Part of human sin is this vulnerability we have to be sucked into what I call default bragging (making ourselves look better by trying to make someone else look worse), and the other one that could also be a part of the problem is the need for something to gossip about. I am guessing many of these people don't even know they are doing one or both of those things.

Many people take great pride in being in the "know", it is a huge socializing skill and need that magazines like "People" use to make a ton of money. We have this basic need to know what is happening with everyone else, and, pathetically, the more negative, the more intriguing. Though I am far from perfect, I try to remind myself that if I find myself in a situation like that, to be sure whatever I say has a posetive spin to it. Flatter whomever you are talking about. The gossipers and default braggers quickly get bored, but the people who truely want to lift up others will get into a very rewarding conversation with you, and you will have the trust of others that you aren't one to spread negative gossip

God Bless you and your church!

 

[Jenster]

Everyone likes to think they made a difference. They are probably just looking for a "we miss you there" in a twisted sort of way.

Thanks, Dyan. You're giving me some much-needed perspective. Of course, we DO miss them being there, but since it was their decision to leave, I get a little stymied as to what I should say sometimes. Maybe I should let them know they're always welcome to come back!

 

[Jenster]

I am guessing many of these people don't even know they are doing one or both of those things.

Many people take great pride in being in the "know", it is a huge socializing skill and need that magazines like "People" use to make a ton of money. We have this basic need to know what is happening with everyone else, and, pathetically, the more negative, the more intriguing. Though I am far from perfect, I try to remind myself that if I find myself in a situation like that, to be sure whatever I say has a posetive spin to it. Flatter whomever you are talking about. The gossipers and default braggers quickly get bored, but the people who truely want to lift up others will get into a very rewarding conversation with you, and you will have the trust of others that you aren't one to spread negative gossip.

Great advice, faithmom - thanks. I overlook the fact that sometimes people, all of us, don't always realize what we're doing. I tend to see things as intentional when perhaps they are not.

As for "being in the know" -- I'm glad you pointed that out. Completely unrelated to the church situation, one of my co-workers is constantly seeking to be in the know, and it has puzzled me to no end. He'd rather gossip than work; or at least, he thinks gossiping IS work. So I appreciate the advice on flattery and trying to keep things positive. Maybe that'll help me at work, as well as with friends!

God bless you!

 

[faithmom]

And God Bless back-at-ya!