so we are getting divorced.......

[totallylost]

So I am getting divorced, my husband says he is now happy about it, he wasn't at first....he is now talking and making time for his ex girlfriend whom he has not seen in 10 years. We are not divorced yet (we are seperated) but he is talking as if he wants to marry her, and that he never really loved me, but always was meant to be with her. We have been married almost 8 years, he was with her for 1 year. I feel sad. Like I was duped. He talked about her all the time throughout our marriage. Ugh. I am frusterated. I have our 2 kids and am NOT even ready to go out on a movie date, and he is all in love with this woman, and saying he always has been!

 

[Warrior Poet]

I am very sorry to hear about your situation... the fact of the matter IMO becomes less about the "why" and more about the action.... the "why" is what can intensify the pain.
I think your husband is a very confused man, I also think he truely believes the grass is greener on the other side, the problem with that becomes once he is in a new pasture, the grass on the other side is no longer trampled and becomes green once again. Its a vicious cycle of selfishness. It always amazes me that most men make their decisions and are happy with the choice until they fully realize the severity and the realization that they now live with that choice. I have been victim of the "flurry" I guess you can call it, where for a period of time wether for a extremely short or long, the flurry comes.... and yet the flurry goes. I get it about my ex-wife sometimes still. Even today I feel so happy with the way life has turned out for me, I still get the flurry and her and I have a very open and new relationship, she at times shares the same feelings. Her choices and mine as well have and will forever prevent it from being anything more then a flurry of emotions. This will not make you feel better as I am at a real loss for words on this one, I hope that in some way it shines a bit of light into the frame of mind he is in. It wont make anything better, not right away at least, but as you pray about it I think no matter the pain it causes your encouragment for his happiness is you holding true to YOUR vows, and will be repaid to you ten fold. The hard part is making it genuine and real.

My heart goes out to you and your kids.

Warrior Poet

 

[totallylost]

Warrior Poet
Thanks for the post. I think right now I am figuring out we percieve what we want to and I am going to try my best to percieve happiness without my husband. As he appears happier now without us. I hope your relationship gets better over time. J

 

[cbudc]

Wow, I feel for you. I am going through almost the exact same thing. My wife has left and went straight to her ex boyfriend and is cheating on me and making no progress to get a divorce. This is such a sad thing. I wish there were words I could say to comfort you. The best thing is to rely on God through this. He will be your strength and He will provide for you. I'm sorry that he is doing this. When my wife left she said that she never really loved me either. She said she loved me like a friend. Unbelieveable the things people can come up with. Eventually he will see the mistake he has made. It may not be for 10 years though unfortunatly. IN the mean time, give your self time to heal. There are way better men out there that won't do that to you. I promise. You'll be ok. Just don't lose your selfrespect and dignity over this. I"ll pray for you. If you ever want to bump stories or need any advice or to talk PM me.

 

[totallylost]

cbudc
Wow. I heard that whole I loved you like a friend thing also. pow! bang! ouch!

Thanks for the encouragement, I am sure you will also find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

I personally am going to become extremely choosy when it comes to letting someone into my life. I am sure God will have a plan for me. And one for you, too! God Bless. J

 

[heartnsoul]

I am sorry to hear you will be getting a divorce. As mentioned in the above posts, God does have a plan. God will take care of you and your kids. I believe God will continue to work in yours and soon-to-be ex-husband's life as well. Even though it appears your husband has turned his back on God, God will continue to be there for him. From my own experiences with God, I also believe that God has a sense of humor (as others have experienced too)...meaning whatever lessons needed to be learned will keep repeating itself until the lesson is learned *well*. So, in your situation, if your husband is running away from his marital problems, he will only run to the arms of another woman only to discover later *their* set of marital problems. The situation will keep repeating itself until the lesson or lessons are learned. Some of us (myself included) learn the hard way sometimes. So it may take even greater pain to finally wake some of us up. Draw closer to God right now and strengthen your walk with Him.

With every adversity in life, there is always something to be learned. Through my own struggle of painful experiences, I have grown closer to God because I felt his warmth and love in my life. I have also learned to be more compassionate, humble, and forgiving. It took enormous emotional pain to finally break me to my knees. Only when I let go and let God did I finally learn these important lessons. So I'm grateful to God for all the bad experiences because it brought me closer to God and taught me valuable lessons that I may not have learned otherwise.
Praise be to God! Keep the faith. We will all be praying for you.

 

[Yitzchak]

Everybody handles their emotions differently. I had a very difficult time letting go of my love for my ex. She was over me the day we seperated.
I think it is nothing to bragg about when a person says that they don't love their spouse or their ex. It is either a silly lie, or it is true that they never loved their spouse. I cannot see how either one is something anyone would want to admit to. It only makes them look worse, in my opinion. at least their is some dignity in saying I gave my whole heart and self trying to make the marriage work but it failed. Admiting a half-hearted effort is embarrassing and shameful, I think.
Myself, I have the comfort that whatever mistakes I made as a husband, I at least loved my wife with my whole heart 100%. I had zero secrets and held nothing back from her physically or emotionally. The rejection hurt beyond what I can describe and one reason I hurt so deeply is that my heart was invested fully. Hers was not apparently.
Saying he never loved you and that he has a better future without you (both things which my ex said to me after 15 years of marriage) is nothing for him to bragg about. It may hurt you and make him think that he is winning on some level. But the only thing I can think of that is worse than what I went through would have been for me to have a hard and bitter heart that was unable to love.
My ex said she was young when we marryed and didn't know what she really wanted. She said she had found someone more compatible. After almost five years and having gotten remarryed , I now can see that she was probably right in her thinking that she would be happier with this other man. I know I am happier now and at the time I though that was impossible because I did love her. I think there is a small part of me that always will.
I hope that you will not let your husband's hard hearted attitude cause you to harden your heart. You obviously loved your husband a great deal and probably still do. Something like this devastates someone and breaks their heart. God will bring healing but it does take time and sometimes in the beginning it is not just one day at a time but one hour or one minute at a time.
I have no idea if your situation is the same as mine. But I finally decided that my ex checked out of the marriage emotionally long before we seperated. That is why she was able to move on so quickly.

 

[madison1101]

My ex didn't go with his exgirlfriend, but he had a date set up for the night after he moved out. He dated with vigor for a year and a half and became engaged a year later. He remarried exactly three years after he moved out.

It sucks. It hurts. I understand.

God is faithful. He has a plan for you. Jeremiah 29:11.

Hugs,
Madison