I posted this in the WD forum, but after 26 views and no replys maybe I need people actually in courting relationships to give me perspective.
Okay my BIL met this girl last December. He really liked her said they hit it off well and she didn't mind he had a child. By january she was spending the night pretty much every night(we lived 2 doors down and I watch my nephew not like I was being nosy) and so by March when all the leases were up, we move to a one bedroom the same weekend, we help her move into my BIL's place.
She asked me then what I thought and I said "I moved in with my husband before we were married, yes, 800 miles was a bit longer than a block to see him & my safety was in question but looking back Maybe I could have found a way to wait."
Well now it's coming to the point, everyone is ready and willing to treat her like wife and Stepmom but I won't because she's not. I'm not saying she isn't a great person but I won't refer to her as my SIL or my BIL's wife or let my nephew call her his mom because until they get married she isn't. I'm not trying to be nasty but besides the fact that she's not I do not want to give my nephew the wrong idea.....which is heard because he'll say"well they are kind of married" and I have to say "No, they arn't. They will be married when they have a wedding like Ron & I did."
So here's the thing, she wants to get married. She doesn't want to be the live-in girlfriend for the rest of her life. She wants to get married, get to adopt my nephew, and when they move into a house go off the shot and have a baby...BUT she doesn't think my BIL's ready to marry her.
We were in a store looking at stuff and I commented on the cute journals and she's like "I miss having a diary." and I turn around and ask why and she's like "because *name here* will read it." I'm kind of mad because heck I'm married and my husband's never done that. She can tell I'm mad and she's like"He goes through the call log on my cell phone a couple times a week and asks me about any numbers he doesn't know."
So I walk about a row and turn around and ask "So he's going to punish you for what his ex-wife did your whole life, isn't he?" and she gets all sad.
I told her I think she should write a list of everything she wants him to know and what has to change and have a time, kid free to tell him EVERYTHING she's thinking. I mean I think maybe they might be good for marriage BUT not from right now.
Neither of them are Christian, both had some of church as a kid and both could care less. I am working with Jenn, little by little she sees how I take things and she'll be like "That's cool" and I'll be like "Yep, got that idea from that book you don't care for" and she'll go "hmm" not in a bad way but in a thinking way.
How can I express to her God would want more for her than what she's got and she can I just want to give good advice because I care about them, my BIL, his GF and of course my nephew who's all wrapped up in this and surprise guess who all three come to for advice? Yeah.
Any advice would really be great. I wonder if I should just say nothing but if someone comes to be for advice, they must think I'm able to give good advice but I'm stumped.
Thanks
Okay my BIL met this girl last December. He really liked her said they hit it off well and she didn't mind he had a child. By january she was spending the night pretty much every night(we lived 2 doors down and I watch my nephew not like I was being nosy) and so by March when all the leases were up, we move to a one bedroom the same weekend, we help her move into my BIL's place.
She asked me then what I thought and I said "I moved in with my husband before we were married, yes, 800 miles was a bit longer than a block to see him & my safety was in question but looking back Maybe I could have found a way to wait."
Well now it's coming to the point, everyone is ready and willing to treat her like wife and Stepmom but I won't because she's not. I'm not saying she isn't a great person but I won't refer to her as my SIL or my BIL's wife or let my nephew call her his mom because until they get married she isn't. I'm not trying to be nasty but besides the fact that she's not I do not want to give my nephew the wrong idea.....which is heard because he'll say"well they are kind of married" and I have to say "No, they arn't. They will be married when they have a wedding like Ron & I did."
So here's the thing, she wants to get married. She doesn't want to be the live-in girlfriend for the rest of her life. She wants to get married, get to adopt my nephew, and when they move into a house go off the shot and have a baby...BUT she doesn't think my BIL's ready to marry her.
We were in a store looking at stuff and I commented on the cute journals and she's like "I miss having a diary." and I turn around and ask why and she's like "because *name here* will read it." I'm kind of mad because heck I'm married and my husband's never done that. She can tell I'm mad and she's like"He goes through the call log on my cell phone a couple times a week and asks me about any numbers he doesn't know."
So I walk about a row and turn around and ask "So he's going to punish you for what his ex-wife did your whole life, isn't he?" and she gets all sad.
I told her I think she should write a list of everything she wants him to know and what has to change and have a time, kid free to tell him EVERYTHING she's thinking. I mean I think maybe they might be good for marriage BUT not from right now.
Neither of them are Christian, both had some of church as a kid and both could care less. I am working with Jenn, little by little she sees how I take things and she'll be like "That's cool" and I'll be like "Yep, got that idea from that book you don't care for" and she'll go "hmm" not in a bad way but in a thinking way.
How can I express to her God would want more for her than what she's got and she can I just want to give good advice because I care about them, my BIL, his GF and of course my nephew who's all wrapped up in this and surprise guess who all three come to for advice? Yeah.
Any advice would really be great. I wonder if I should just say nothing but if someone comes to be for advice, they must think I'm able to give good advice but I'm stumped.
Thanks
)
